Exh/ temp unemployed/ maintenance

[flatscreenlife]

My exh has been temporarily unemployed due to the pandemic. He will receive a total of £275 per week in payments plus a possible extra£100 per week .
We are not legally separated yet but work well as coparents and he pays approx£200 week maintanance for our three kids as they live with me 80% of the time.
We are meant to be in lock down but I've found out that his girlfriend travels to see him
For a few days every few days . She lives 100km away.
He would like 50/50 custody now as he is off and he would not have to pay me maintenance.

I have been clear that under no circumstances will I allow the children to spend half the time with him
When his oh is essentially there when the children are not.
I am being really anal
About this lockdown to the point of obsession as we cannot afford to get unwell from a health perspective. Our kids have not had any human contact outside of either of us in three weeks and besides the shop, neither have I.
I have asked him if he is willing to forego his girlfriends visits for lockdown in the kids best interests and then do 50/50 .
He is not willing to do that as he says she is his only comfort and support at the moment.

Ive offered for him to stop maintaenance of£50 per week for now so he would in effect be paying £150( mortgage ) as maintenance .

He won't get a job as he feels he would only be £ 50 better off per week and his redundancy may be affected if he is permanently unemployed . He has savings of approx £7k.
How would you deal with this?

He thinks I am only being 'partly ' fair as I am being paid.

By family, do you mean she has DC? And if so by minder do you mean childminder?

Ok that seems a good idea.
So do we default
On mortgage then?
The last thing I would
Do is to prevent my children from seeing their dad for a couple of
Weeks but he has been in contact with a symptomatic colleague who has recently been tested and has his girlfriend to his house when our kids are not there . His girlfriend who has her own kids and a minder in and out of her house minding her kids when she is at work or at his.
I think it's selfish and irresponsible of them
To do that in general but to expose our kids to that is not an option.

You cant get blood out of a Stone can you

Can you take the 3 month mortage break that is being offered?

How do you know all this about her? DC? They have a childminder etc? You dont know what she does for a job though

I have came into contact with loads of covid positive patients so am potentially putting my down family & DSD at risk but thats ok because I live here?

Sounds like youre looking for excuse to reduce contact

He can't give you money he doesn't have!

Ring the back and claim the three month mortgage break if you're struggling - that's what it's there for. What would you do if you still lived together and couldn't pay the mortgage?

When he's earning again, his payments can go back up again, but not to include back payments from when his income was lower.

This OP. You are ignoring this.

So do we default
On mortgage then?

I thought you could afford the mortgage. You said you could pay it and get it back from him later. Pay it if you can afford to. He will pay you what CMS he can afford. You don’t get to claim it back from him when he’s earning again just as you’re not back paying him now because his income is less than it was. NRP pays what they can afford at any given time based on earnings assessed at that time.

Thanks For that.. I did not t ignore @vanillandhoney post. I actually said I think that's a good idea .
He is selective about what he tells
Me about her . He did tell
Me that when I asked him Who she has daily contact with regarding the spread of virus / contacts etc. I expect He doesn't
Want us to meet .
Thanks everyone for all Your help and advice .

I said you were ignoring PPs and I saying all along you don’t get back payment for CMS and you don’t “postpone” CMS, only reduce it when income drops and increase it when income increases.

Good luck.

YANBU to stop your children visiting a house where the recommendations are being ignored.

UANVU not to accept the £45 a week that’s his current maintainence calculation whilst his earnings are reduced. He will not ever need to pay any extra back. He will just pay more when his earnings increase.

You should note the months he doesn’t pay his share of the mortgage if it’s joint. Then he gets less when you reach a settlement. He doesn’t get half if he hasn’t contributed half after the split.

YANBU to say that your earnings don’t make a bit of difference to his maintainence responsibilities. If you won the lottery he would still pay the same.

I don't see how he could afford to pay you what you're asking

Sorry for the typo “UANVU” is “YABVU”

Maintenance aside, government guidelines/advice on boyfriend/girlfriend is move in together or don’t see each other while these restrictions are in place so I wouldn’t have my children there if I were you

So if both parents are laid off - it is OK for the NRP to pay nothing and expect the RP to somehow pay for everything.

This country's maintenance arrangements are so crazy.

OP - he has got the monies - just savings - a token amount would be acceptable btu I think you will need to write the rest off.

As to the DCS moving - no way. Mine is still working and having social contact and he agrees risk to me is too great,

Thanks

I agree with bogoff .... so much outrage that he might have to pay maintenance even though he's taking it a lot less after losing his job ... but the children still need to eat. What happens if OP loses her job, too ... justput the children into hibernation?

No, of course no. OP will be expected to figure it out while he's being sympathized with. bonkers.

Tough times ... but some of his income needs to go to his children. And he needs to stop prioritizing his own social life over his children's health and safety. no GFs coming round if he wants to see them.

If both parents in a partnership were laid off, they could claim universal credit together. As it is, they're separated and OP is still working so depending on her income she may not be entitled to extra help.

I do have sympathy with the OP but people can't magic money up from nowhere. Presumably he needs his savings to pay his own rent/mortgage and bills while he doesn't have a job?

Thanks for all
Your honest advice . I rang him to say that as long as this went on, he didn't
Need to feel worried or under pressure financially from me . To take a three month break from the mortgage and get his due payment from the government and not to feel stress .
He said that he is thankful he will take a break from mortgage and because Of all of that he will have more disposable income and hopes to contribute to the kids .
He will continue to see his girlfriend and is happy to see our kids whenever he can see them with is the saddest part about f it all .thamks for all of Your advice

Well done OP

If he needs company that badly why not move in with the gf, FaceTime the kids and sit it out. He chose to have an affair, he's choosing to flout the social distancing, therefore choosing to not have his kids to stay.On the other hand he could FaceTime the girlfriend and get to see his kids. If either of you or the kids get sick he's going to feel a lot worse than lonely.

Thanks girls. @Zombiemum1946 that's exactly what I said .
Choices Made. We move on for bigger and better things to come . Thanks

I'm sorry what do you actually care about? The money or the children having 50% contact with their father?

If the father is wishing to care for his children 50% of the time as he isn't working that sounds fair.

If the fathers income has dropped by 25% then the child maintenance service will do a new calculation. It will probably be around £20 a week?!

They are breaking the rules which are quite clear!!! Move in or don't see!! Men are so selfish and clearly can not be on their own!!
But it's ok for mum to have the kids full time and increased food and house costs as they are off school and Nusery and she dare ask for some maintenance to help with that!!!
I think he should pay a proportion to his current income and clearly he must earn good money to pay that amount of maintenance when working so make sure when he's back on his feet the usual money is paid! Don't agree to 50/50 it's a tool men use to get out of paying maintenance and like someone else said what's the chances of his letting it go back to normal.
Kids need routine and normality through this

They are breaching the rules. There is no mixing of households. If he picks her that demonstrates his priorities. He values a recent girlfriend over his own children. No way in hell should they be put at risk.

Is the friend whose phone he uses (why would he do that?) a health worker? Because otherwise, why would he be tested for just showing symptoms?

Sadly, in these situations, what one believes to be the whole truth often isnt' because of the way we interpret what we think we've heard, or words we've chosen to ignore.

You really yneed to talk more. It's not very clear from what you've said how his girlfriend is putting herself at risk, anymore than you are by going shopping.

I also think you are being totally unreasonable by considering it acceptable that his maintenance payments are only postponed. There is no such thing as postponing when it comes to maintenance, he is expected to pay a certain percentage of his income month on month, if that income reduces, so does maintenance. It will increase to that same percentage if/when his income increases again. There are arrears from what he would have paid if his income had remained the same.

Of course he doesn't have to keep paying money he doesn't have. It's a simple fact of life that if your income goes down, your standard of living goes down too. And if you have children, they are included in that. Yes it's painful. You don't have to like it, but you do have to accept it.
You are not being unreasonable though about his attitude to seeing his girlfriend rather than his kids.