Am I being too emotional? What should I do?

[KDMotherKfGirls]

Hi all,

I'm seeking advice from the mother's who's children have left home to live independently. My youngest daughter moved out 1 month ago. My eldest has always been a daddy's girl and we have not always seen eye to eye. Me and my youngest have always been close and she is a mummy's girl.

When my youngest was in her early childhood and teens, she experienced some trauma which caused severe mental health illnesses. She was sectioned a few times and was in and out of hospital. Her father didn't support her as much as much as he believed it was down to her wanting attention, however I was always by her side. Her father and her are very close now.

She is still mentally unwell, however is working full time, has amazing friends and a lovely boyfriend who takes good care of her. She is doing amazing. I don't know why I'm feeling so emotional. I don't know if it's due to me worrying so much about her all the time. She is 21 in a couple of weeks and for almost 21 years I have kept her close and kept an eye on her. Now she isn't as close and I can't keep my eye on her.

Or is it down to just her growing up and being independent? When will the emotional side stop as I'm bursting into tears at random times of the time, DH thinks I've gone stark raving mad!!

All advice appreciated :)

Perfectly normal, I think most mums find it hard when their children move out. Hopefully you will settle into a new routine and still see a lot of her

21 is a milestone birthday, so that may be part of what's making you emotional. Also, when things are at their worst, we have chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol which keep us going, and then when things are calmer and we can relax a bit, those chemical levels go down and this can cause us to become more emotional (I am in no way a medical expert!). Is it also possible that you are perimenopausal which can definitely cause you to struggle with your emotions?

@chocolateisavegetable
The birthday situation has made me a complete wreck as of late. She lives alone, so she hasn't been able to see her friends, family or boyfriend due to the virus and her birthday is on the 16th so she will be spending it alone. My heart is so broken.

That is also a possibility

@Darbs76
I'm hoping that is the case. Unsure of when lockdown will be lifted, however she calls me daily and speaks to me as though I'm "one of the girls" and gives me all the work gossip. Makes me laugh when it's been a bad day I suppose

Are you feeling a little redundant? I think it's very much understandable.
But you are a fundamental in help building an independent young woman who is not only surrounded by her immediate family to support her but friends and a boyfriend. You must be proud of her (and giving yourself a little air punch).

@Billyeyelash
I'm constantly waiting for the "mum can I come home, I can't do it" phone call but she has always been an independent person. When she lived at home, I never had to be on her case about cleaning her room or washing - it was always done.
I'm so immensely proud of her and how far she has come

Maybe you could use this opportunity to build a better relationship with your other daughter. This mummy’s girl, daddy’s girl dynamic is, IMO, not good for any of you.

@HeddaGarbled
I'm working on it at the moment. I've allowed her boyfriend to self isolate at our home instead of his family home so he is staying with us for the foreseeable future and she is extremely happy about that.
My eldest is very much like my husband - 2 peas in a pod. Very short tempered. My youngest has always been calm and collected.
Due to me and my eldest being in the house alot together recently, we have had chances to bond and talk. So far so good!