AIBU to be disappointed that for some, life just goes on like this

[puppymouse]

I am working on a big business-wide programme for my employer which is complicated to get off the ground but significant and relevant - even more so in current situation. There are lots of moving parts and I am under three management levels in our function also working on it.

I have a rather binary, direct and unsmiling (for want of a better word) stakeholder I am working with on my bit of the programme. They are much more senior than me. I've worked in comms and dealt with stakeholders of all kinds for nearly 20 years but nothing seems to help. They are numbers-focused and don't express any humour or human skills when you interact. I respected that was their way and was carrying on doing my best.

They have just chased me on something at 8.30 this evening (which isn't a mistake or my fault - all part of broader picture above my head) and been sarcastic and blunt implying I am not doing my job. I am doing my job and luckily my management are very supportive. But AIBU that it's rubbish enough that people get away with being leaders without thought, empathy, or any soft skills, let alone during a situation like we're in where you don't know what might be going on for the person you're contacting?

I find it sad businesses are full of people demanding, telling and ignoring this stuff in the way they work and expecting everyone to be ok with it. Am I just being over emotional?

Are you required to be contactable at 8.30 at night by this person?

Not formally, no. I'm less bothered about the time as I'm sure they're really busy but depressed at the tone.

Some people are just blinkered and can’t see outside of their own box.

YANBU at all. I removed my work emails from my mobile after shit like this.

Tone matters.

I fully expect to be told suck it up buttercup you're too fragile for business. But I know so many leaders who lead without fear, with consideration etc and I have had so many people email about serious work stuff but still managed to put "hope you and yours are ok etc" in there somewhere or at least make a dark joke about the whole thing. Why be a bell end normally let alone one now?

Why are you answering your e-mails or phone at that time of night ?

You need to set yourself boundaries.

Some people really struggle with social skills - it doesn't mean they can't be excellent at their job yes, I might be referring to you, DH's boss

@BackforGood I know I know. I'm a replier. Always have been. DH ignores my messages let alone work ones but unless I'm on leave I have the wretched little notifications and tend to not switch off.

This is going to do your mental health no good at all! Please turn your notifications off, I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow.

YANBU though - I have a similar prick of a stakeholder who I dread dealing with. I can't change her, so I just try to breeze past it and respond as I would respond to anyone else - friendly and kindly. If you know it's not your fault, vent about it to a coworker and move on. I do feel for you ♥️

I have a work phone and a work laptop (which my e-mails come in to).
During my working hours I know what is coming in to my inboxes, but outside of working hours, I haven't got a clue. If you wfh, it is essential to have some boundaries - which will be different for different people - but you won't do your mental health any good if you don't sort out what yours are.