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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think universal credit is for essential items.

103 replies

RC1511 · 31/03/2020 20:23

I am very aware there’s going to be a massive influx of people applying for this right now - rightly so.. For now oh is still working but this could well change with the current situation. I wish he wasn’t still working but anyway..

A friend of mine, her hubby is self employed and no longer working after this week. Hard times of course. They applied for UC - they have dependents at home.

I know little about Uc myself but she said they won’t get their first payment for a while but they received an advance or something? I assume to cover costs until the first payment comes in.

I won’t give away what they bought as I don’t want to give me identity away but they received an advance and went out on blew it on a luxury item costing £450. Not essential at all. It was one item costing that much.

I know we are on hard times. But I just assume the advance payment is for bills, car costs, food, toiletries etc etc. Essential items - things for the children etc.

Maybe I shouldn’t judge. Maybe I will be slammed on here. They are rightly entitled to UC now but surely the point of the advance is to get you through not to blow it in one hit? What will they live on until it comes through? That’s my main concern. They have been known to blow all their money before and ask others for help when they can’t afford to eat!

They literally have now have no money aside. No savings or anything as far as I know. She’s quite open about her financial situation.

My friend has already moaned now she’s now broke and has to wait at least a month for more money.

OP posts:
Judystilldreamsofhorses · 31/03/2020 21:27

I just clicked into this thread at random and know nothing about UC, but lang I LOVE those goats. Best thing since all this started.

Pumpkinpie1 · 31/03/2020 21:41

You are being very judgemental, it really isn’t any of your business

opticaldelusion · 31/03/2020 22:02

Just going by your title alone... please fuck off with your judgemental shite.

Dipi79 · 31/03/2020 22:06

It's pretty irresponsible to be blowing money, then borrowing from people around them, but it isn't your business, or ours. I guess I'd just say don't be one of the enablers who helps them out when they find themselves skint in a week or two.

givemeacall · 31/03/2020 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ontheboardwalk · 31/03/2020 22:09

What was this terrible item OP? Do tell us?

Was it a telly?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/04/2020 07:51

They are being enabled by others who bail them out when they run out.

OP ignore the huge swathe of mumsnetters saying "of course people on benefits should be able to afford the latest iPhones, regular takeaways, kids in Ralph Lauren and holidays in the Maldives".

Of course UC is for the basics. This doesn't preclude a few treats but by and large it's not there to give people a lifestyle beyond what a modest income from any other source would provide.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/04/2020 07:53

Whatever you do, do NOT bail them out. a meal for the kids, nothing else.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 01/04/2020 07:58

Why is Op getting such a hard time...my friend is like this.....gets paid and blows £100 on getting her hair done....2 days later she cant afford to go food shopping...I have no sympathy for people who let money burn a hole in their pocket.

Isleepinahedgefund · 01/04/2020 08:00

It has to be a massive telly, right?

I suspect they have no concept of how hard it is to live on benefits. They'll have made it that bit harder for themselves too by taking the advance in the first place, never mind blowing it on a (probably) TV. Their paltry benefits will be reduced even further by the repayments. They haven't had to start struggling properly yet.

Of course benefits is for the essentials, but I suspect many people can't conceptualise that until they try to live their normal lives on benefits.

By the sounds of it they ARE living their normal lives tho - blowing the money and then sponging off other people!

NiteFlights · 01/04/2020 08:12

The advance is for essentials to get you through to the first payment

Yes, I think this was what OP was trying to say? That an advance is usually for absolute necessities before benefits kick in? Not that UC in general is only for bare necessities.

I see your point OP but YABU because you can’t stop them doing what they want - it’s none of your business. But don’t lend them any money.

Original poster
RC1511 · 01/04/2020 08:53

Unfortunately it will be my business when they expect me, other relatives and friends to help them out when they cannot eat but I won’t help. We can’t afford to anyway.

Thanks all!

OP posts:
Permissionimpossible · 01/04/2020 09:05

No savings or anything as far as I know
Unless you have access to their banking then you have no idea what’s going on.
If they ask to borrow money just say no ffs.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 09:27

Unfortunately it will be my business when they expect me, other relatives and friends to help them out

No. It only becomes your business when you’re foolish enough to give them money. Other than that it’s not your business. Even when they ask for help.

insideoutsider · 01/04/2020 09:48

I get confused with mumsnet sometimes.

A couple lose their job and show up at the job centre saying they can't feed their kids.

They apply for UC and given an advance to help them survive during the 5 week wait (so it's not true that you have to wait for 5 weeks before receiving anything)

They receive said advance and instead of buying much needed food, paying the rent or electric or even just holding on to the cash just in case something comes up, they blow £450 on one item.

Majority say it's their money, they can spend it as they wish.

If the same person came on here and said this same story about how she had to claim UC to stay alive but decided to buy a luxury item, would we be congratulating her?

It's stupid to be poor and live like you're rich. You buy a luxury item when you have what you need to survive.

YANBU OP. Just say 'there there' when they start complaining about being broke and bashing UC.

Winterwoollies · 01/04/2020 09:51

Would you rather people just had food, travel and utility vouchers...?

LastTrainEast · 01/04/2020 09:55

It's all the same really. It's that deep down feeling that people 'like that' shouldn't have what "decent hard-workiing people like us" have.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 01/04/2020 09:55

would we be congratulating her?

Did anyone here congratulate them?

No. They just said it’s their business what they spend their money on. Just like it’s their business if they choose to spend all their wages on a tv when money is tight. It’s their money!

If someone came on here saying their SIL was sniping about them buying a tv with benefits money they’d be told, well you are being incredibly stupid but it’s none of your SILs business unless she’s going to have to bail you out. OP won’t be foolish enough to bail this pair out so it’s not her business.

There’s a difference between saying a couple doing something is none of someone else’s business and congratulating the couple didn’t doing it. Not the same thing.

NailsNeedDoing · 01/04/2020 09:56

Of course an advance on benefits is supposed to help people survive until their benefits start being paid properly, that the whole point. But they will have to pay it back, and no matter how close a relative they are, it’s not your problem if they can’t afford food or bills in the next few weeks. Just don’t give them anything.

They’re adults who can take responsibility for their own mistakes, and if they face hardship, then they can attempt to sell their new toy.

1forsorrow · 01/04/2020 09:58

My granny hit her teens in WWi, she lived through the depression, she coped in WWII with granddad overseas in the army and bringing up 3 children alone, she coped with his nervous breakdown when he got home. One thing she always said when people criticised what other people bought when they hadn't got much money. She would say, "you have to have your heart lifted, it might be a nicer bar of soap for 6d or a bar of chocolate but it is important for everyone to have some pleasure." I thinks he was right and it is more important than ever at the moment.

Maybe they have a cupboad full of food and the bills paid so they are "lifting their hearts" let them get on with it and work out how you can lift yours.

Bathroom12345 · 01/04/2020 10:11

I don’t understand this either OP. Some people just cannot manage money and constantly moan they don’t have any. My SIL used to work as a benefits advisor helping people who couldn’t manage their money well. The biggest issue by far was what her clients thought was ‘essential’.

Sky, mobile phones, nights out, takeaways were all deemed more important than say school uniform and utilities.

She tried to move the mindset and list out what the priorities should be but she didn’t last longer than 6 months. If someone stated that say a iPhone was a priority for them and they didn’t see why they should prioritise the gas bill she was told not to push it.

OlaEliza · 01/04/2020 10:14

Let me guess a 47439292 inch television

I reckon a laz-y-spa

Gilead · 01/04/2020 10:46

judge, judge, judge. Nothing better to do during a pandemic?

Roomba · 01/04/2020 10:57

I personally wouldn't risk spending an advance on a non essential item right now. I've waited nine weeks for a UC first payment during a quiet time - I doubt everyone will be paid after five weeks at the moment.

But it's none of my damn business what anyone else chooses to do. Even if I strongly suspect they will regret their decision in a few weeks' time.

TerrorWig · 01/04/2020 11:03

Like any money that comes in, priorities need to be made.

You can be annoyed with your relative but if they’re always bailed out they will continue to be irresponsible with money, whether it’s UC, a salary or your money.

My advice would be to be clear with them you won’t be bailing them out and then ignore their pleas when they realise the new PS4 won’t put food in the mouths of their children.

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