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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lone parenting right now

8 replies

DM1209 · 31/03/2020 13:33

I'm sure this has been mentioned in different contexts, but here's some thoughts.

I'm a lone parent. I have been divorced for 5 years, my ex-husband has little to no contact with our children bar financial support.
We have zero family around and other than paid help, it is literally just me. All of which I deal well with as do my children.

I absolutely understand what is happening in the world and why we are taking the precautions that we are.

I'm currently working from home as well as being physically at work (legal background) when we can't get a Skype hearing, although this is getting better and more Judges are getting to grips with it.

I have 3 children. My youngest who is 6 is increasingly showing signs of an issue which could be her appendix. Had a phone appointment with our GP, grateful for the callback and he feels she needs to be examined. That's all fine and well.

We have no Covid symptoms and her temperature is currently 36.5 so we are seeing the GP later today. Wonderful, happy to get her checked and no doubt we'll be screened upon arrival to the surgery.

As the call is ending, the GP tells me only you or your husband can attend with your daughter, one of you will have to remain at home with the other children.
I tell him very politely that I'm a lone parent so it is just me but not to worry, my childminder is still working for key workers and I can leave my 7 year old with her and the 12 year old will be ok at home.
I then asked him what if I had nowhere to leave them? He said they'd have to stay at home alone or in the car park outside the surgery but they wouldn't be allowed inside.
I asked what if after screening and passing they were allowed into a side room? GP said no, either I had to attend alone with my youngest or they would refuse to see her.

I get it, I really do. We are in s similar position with clients and court attendances, no partners or family can attend, just the client, many of which are vulnerable and need that support.

I'm very, very lucky because I can access my childminder or even my fantastic primary school where their places are open and ready and I know all I would have to do is make a call and I could drop my middle child off. And if I get sick my childminder (so long as she's healthy) would step in and help with my children. Hell I even have fantastic neighbours.

But what about those lone parents that have no options?
Nowhere safe to leave their children? No one to ask?
What do they do? Choose between the wellbeing of a sick child and the safety of their children that are potentially too young to be left alone.

What support or help or even common sense is there for these parents? It seems like an entire section of society has been forgotten/sidelined with the theory that 'we can't everyone'.

I don't think I am BU.
My heart aches for these parents, predominantly fellow Mums.

OP posts:
DM1209 · 31/03/2020 13:35

**We can't help everyone.

Apologies for the typos.

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 31/03/2020 13:47

YANBU. And it makes no difference anyway; if you live together you all have been or will be exposed if one person is.

So for people who don't drive; they'd have to leave their children in a potentially rainy car park? Even babies/toddlers?

He's being ridiculous, and ageist and indirectly sexist.

Fcukthisshit · 31/03/2020 14:08

Yanbu.

I hope your DD is ok.

Hamiltoes · 31/03/2020 14:26

YANBU

I've got myself worked up a bit with hearing stories of children - and in consequence single parents with no support - being banned from the supermarkets.

I always got a delivery with Sainsbury's. Every week without fail for the 5 years I've lived here. I'm glad they are prioritising elderly and vulnerable, truly. But I can't help thinking it's a kick in the teeth that apparently I have to depend on neighbours to pick me things up now? Especially when realistically I have, what, a 0.2% chance of this virus being fatal to me? I think it's only a matter of time before people being forced into difficult positions would rather just take their tiny chances 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I think this is just my mental health talking. Not trying to be vindictive and I do understand people need those slots more than I do. It's just hard. I'm really struggling. I run a business from home and finding it hard to get my hours in around homeschooling. My youngest has SO much energy and we have no garden - just a tiny flat. This is the third week for me and I'm just tired. So bloody tired. And without an end in sight - what is there to look forward to?

givemeacall · 31/03/2020 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontdisturbmenow · 31/03/2020 14:34

I would leave my 12yo and 6yo in the car, explaining the situation, and ask my 12yo to call if there was any issue. I'd alternate between the car and the examination room.

Not ideal but this is not an ideal situation and in the end, much less risky than potentially contaminating a practice attended by numerous older people.

Jumpjumpjumper · 31/03/2020 14:52

Yanbu. But to the poster who said he's being ridiculous, ageist and sexist. He's not. This is standard in the practice I work in. And I'm a single mum with two children so I understand the predicament.

PumpkinP · 31/03/2020 15:03

Yanbu, I’m a lone parent children are 9,8,6 and 2 oldest 2 can’t Be left alone as they have asd. What am I meant to do?! No family help anyway and ex hasn’t seen them in years.

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