In feeling desperate I can't fly home?

[brightfiresout]

Obviously I won't be.

I live in the US, from the UK and all my family are there. My brother died yesterday.

Everyone is grieving alone. My brothers and sister can't give my Dad and their Mum (live apart) the hugs and contact they desperately need.

There will be no funeral.

I'm just stuck over here going slowly insane, and can't even really break down as I'm having to keep more upbeat and homeschool ds.

I've never wanted (or needed) to come home so badly. I feel like I'm going to cry forever, and feel these surges of panic. I'm so worried about my Dad who is very immunodeficient, if he catches Covid it will very likely kill him. And now he's grieving alone, won't answer the phone or emails.

I've got a tele appointment with my doctor this morning as I'm feeling like a right on the edge of depression and severe anxiety (I'm sure she's getting many many similar calls these days.) I really don't want to go on long term anti depressants or anxiety medicine but am worried about my bad mental health effecting Dh and ds.

Obviously nobody is having a great time with all of this and I'm lucky I have my health but I'm usually a person always sees the positive side and pulls myself out of a dark spot and I just can't see any light ahead right now.

I’m so sorry about your brother Would be very difficult at the best of times but in these circumstances it must be unbearable.

I'm so sorry. Not surprised you are feeling as you do. I hope your doctor can offer a bit of help.

I am so sorry. That is so hard.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It’s completely understandable to want to be with your family at a time like this.

It would be hard enough being so far away when a family member dies but it really is horrible that you can’t fly back and that there will be no funeral.

I would take whatever help the doctor offers. You need support to get through this time.

Think about this broken down:- your brother has passed away, you are in a different country, your parents are grieving alone, your dads health is a worry, he won’t answer phone calls, you are homeschooling and trying to maintain normal for your child, you are grieving and we are in a pandemic.

Now each one of those on a normal day would cause anxiety for someone. You have them all at once. You are allowed to be anxious. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to be worried. Honestly it would be abnormal if you weren’t. Allow yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to cry. Then in those moments of ‘it’s out of my system for ten minutes’ think- is there anyone you can contact who could check on your dad? Food shopping? Prescription? Use Facebook to find groups. Maybe if you feel you are ‘doing something’ it may take the edge off.

So sorry about your brother.
Your doctor should be able to give you something you can take short term that will help.

How old is your child? You can tell them you’re very sad about your brother, and if they see you crying, that’s why.

He's 6. I've told him and he's being great. Sorry from patting me on the head every hour saying 'I'm sorry about your dead brother.'

So sorry, that sounds awful

I totally understand your feelings. My uncle passed away yesterday and not being able to be there for my mum and the rest of my family is the most difficult thing.

So sorry, OP.

I'm so sorry about your brother.

I'm so sorry brightfiresout, that is dreadful. I don't know what to suggest, but I hope you find the strength and love you will need. Look after yourself x

I’m so sorry for you loss, it’s such an awful thing to happen, I have no advice other take each hour as it comes xx

Op i am ao very sorry........i just wanted to let you know you and youre family are being thought off. I wish there was something I could do to help you

Thank you all. I managed to speak to my Dad finally via what's app yesterday. He seemed a bit of a mess, I think he was pretty drunk as his spelling was awful and he wasn't making much sense. He doesn't drink (and shouldn't, has severe health issues) so this has put me in to a bit of a worried spin. Nothing I can do from here.

My doctor prescribed me Lexapro which I hope will help.

I am very sorry OP. ❤

So sorry

Sending as much supporting spirit as I can OP. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Do you think it might help to organize some kind of memorial/ funeral for your brother? Either privately with your DH in quiet moments after your son's bed, when you can pay tribute to him and share how you are feeling and say goodbye in some way, and/or via a group zoom with any family members possible? I heard this is being recommended by therapists, as it is so essential to be able to mark the loss of loved ones....

If you would like to talk about your brother here, we can also listen and care and quietly pay tribute with you too.

Other posters are right - it is completely understandable that you feel distraught and anxious. I am so so sorry.

sorry to hear about your brother xx

I am so very sorry about your brother. Would you like to talk about him?

Is there anyone you can trust to look in on your dad?

I wish I could do something to help

Sorry to hear this.
An extended family member died Thursday night from COVID, she was 29 and otherwise healthy .
Her funeral is today but only 10 family members allowed to go

It's a shit situation isn't it OP. My mum died in the early hours of Monday morning in hospital. None of us could be there. I have a sister in australia and a daughter living a 3 hour drive away. My Dad is alone in the house (just a short walk away from me), as he is in isolation and my other sister lives a street away. None of us can meet or hug or do any of the "normal" things bereaved families do. There will just be my dad, my sister and myself at her funeral and we won't be able to gather together afterwards.

I'm telling this to let you know OP you are not alone in feeling alone. There have been moments where I just what to scream at how unfair and cruel the current situation is.

I’m so sorry. I’m in Australia and that feeling of not actually being able to get a flight even if you want to is very unsettling.

Sorry to hear about your brother OP. I am glad that you managed to get hold of your dad, it sounds like such a horrible situation for you.

Hi @brighfiresout
I just want to reach out and say that I am so sorry for you loss, and to offer some words of support from someone in a similarly traumatic position.
I haven’t lost anyone, but I recently emigrated to NZ from the UK and was desperately sad before all this happened - homesick and facing my marriage breaking down just 4-5 months into the move.
A short term lifeline was flights home in July to see my friends and elderly parents but this will now not happen. Dad is in the later stages of Parkinson’s, and struggles to speak so I am desperate to just hold his hand. Like @JohnsndMary, I never thought there would be a day I couldn’t get a flight, even if I had a million pounds. Our borders are unlikely to open for a VERY long time and I’m heartbroken - it feels like I am on the edge of a precipice right now. Holding myself together for the DC.

I saw a GP this morning, and she has prescribed Lexapro - PM me if you would like to share experiences. X