To report my children's Dad to Social Services?

[Myexisadickhead]

Background: split up with XDH some time ago, 2 kids (DD6 and DS3) who we co-parent 50-50. He has a history of not being very good at compromising, and trying to control me. When married, he was the type to ban makeup and dresses etc. Now we are co-parenting, this attempt to control continues. For example, he will have massive goes at me on the doorstep about things like putting DS in pull ups instead of pants, and thinks this is purely for him to decide. Everything's a battle and he has to win.

Anyway, new thing came to light this morning that has made me very upset and worried for my kids' safety.

XDH has a cargo bike, which is a bike with a big compartment on the front that the kids can be strapped into for transportation.

He said today during handover that he often takes them to supermarkets and leaves them in the bike outside while he goes in for a 15 minute shop where he obviously can't see them or pop outside to check. He's doing this today, but it's something he's done for a while and not anything to do with Covid. XDH claimed they can't unstrap themselves but obviously anybody else could, and at some point they'll manage.

I asked him not to do this profusely, but he was adamant that it's his call. I am terrified of anything happening to them and wish I could have kept them with me.

AIBU in being really, really unhappy about this? Is there anything I can do? I was thinking Social Services might be able to help, but I'm not sure if it's a road I want to go down. Please help. And sorry for any typos due to doing this on a phone.

FUCK! he leaves a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old alone outside a shop??

I dont have any advice, but you are right to be worried

Report it quickly

To SS and to the supermarket so they announce on the tannoy first him to come get them

I’d also report online to police do a Pcso that’s passing might talk to him

Stop contact, report to social services. Tell him to take you to court.

You need to go back to court and look at custody again.Clearly this is a safeguarding issue
Do you communicate via text or email? It would be helpful to have a written record of this for any future legal discussions.
Personally I would say no to sharing children between households because he is putting both households health at risk
But how to do this with his controlling behaviour ? Maybe others can make suggestions

Are you sure he is not winding you up? I am pretty sure that if he had done this anywhere other than a small village he would already have been reported to police/ social services.

It is unlikely SS would do anything in this case. I understand it is a worry for you but it is not likely to meet their threshold for involvement.

What I would want to know as a social worker is what sort of supermarket and where? Is it a small local village supermarket or a big inner city one? What does your 6yo say about it? Are they compliant children or likely to try and get out?

I think at the end of the day what SS would say is that this is a civil matter and one to be sorted out between you and your ExDH. But I guess I could be wrong.

@Pumpkinpie1 We don't really have a formal arrangement in place. I did email him about this this morning, though we discussed it in person earlier, and he's replied to the email but completely blanked this part of it. I don't know whether that's because he thinks it's just not up for discussion or whether he's being quite canny about not discussing it in text.
@tegucigalpa13 He's not winding me up - it's the sort of thing he would do, and it came up very naturally in conversation because I was asking him ideally not to take them because of Covid (he's only got them 3 days a week so it can't be that hard to shop without them). I think he honestly just thinks it's reasonable, and he did tell me he's done it quite often before.

@Apolloanddaphne It's a big city in the UK and the supermarket is sort of Tesco metro sized with a car park outside it. Generally quite busy. They're relatively compliant kids but I also know if someone did ask them to go along with them they wouldn't be sensible enough to say no.

Jesus!! I'd stop contact.

I’m going to be honest. Report it to SS but they will absolutely not do anything about it. It’s not enough for then to really get involved. But it is good to build evidence for him having less contact if you want to go to court about it later.

You can stop contact for safety issues. Yes report it As it is informal he would need to take you to court . I would email him again specifically about this issue to get his reply in writing

Why can't he shop the other 4 days??

Maybe reiterate the point to him. Ask him directly, do you understand this is a safeguarding issue? Then tell him you are concerned that he is putting your children at risk. You need to be really assertive. This is hard. But I totally understand your concern, and he needs to take it seriously. With assertive language he may realise you are not messing about and will take action. Good luck!

Unless the children are known to SW, in which case definitely phone them, in our area it would not meet the current threshold for SW involvement they are having to prioritise the most critical cases.
SS do not keep files on random children btw, police on the non emergency number would your best option, if dad won’t listen to reason but you will probably find unfortunately that they are extremely stretched at this time.

I'm waiting on a call back from the youngest's HV at the moment, so I'm hoping she might have advice and at least keep it on file. If she advises me to phone the police I will.

I also emailed him about it this morning, and he blanked that part of the email three times and then eventually said 'I don't have much to say about it'. So I guess it's clear he's not interested in civil discussion.

Many people have said that children can't go in supermarkets anymore ( I don't know if this is true) did he say it in response to that?
I'm surprised no one has seen him do it and report him for it. I don't know what SS would do without proof but I would be worried leaving those ages in a car let alone a bike!

Good for you. Great idea to phone health visitor!

Many people have said that children can't go in supermarkets anymore ( I don't know if this is true) did he say it in response to that

no this is not true, the request is that if you can go without your children to do so, as in its not a day out for everyone

What a moron that's a paedo's dream right there. Some people are too thick to be parents!

@Irial Thank you.

I'd stop contact too. And report.

He has absolutely no need to do that.

Go to the supermarket see if he does it photograph him and take the kids text him saying you have done this

But I'm not kind

Rather than SS, I’d speak with non emergency police for advice on whether this is a crime (I believe it is) and then perhaps you could liaise with the supermarket to ask them to report if seen. Neither police or SS could act on him saying he will do this, but could on evidence of it happening. Of course you could also just stop contact due to the risk advised and let him take you to court. Let us know what HV advises. How worrying for you.