Concerns over 18month old God-Daughter

[IsobellaX]

Hello, my name is Isobel & I have an 18 month old God-Daughter.

Her mum is my best friend. We have been friends since we were around 6. When my friend had my God-Daughter, she was very active, she was always out and about, she loved taking her to places. My friend had never shown any symptoms for PND and even to this day is very chatty, always laughing and smiling, enjoys going out drinking on the weekends, spending time with friends and family.

However, I have concerns for my God-Daughter. My friend doesn't take her out of the house, even before the Coronavirus. She just puts her infront of the telly all day. She doesn't read to her or play with her. If the baby slaps other people, she doesn't distract her (I know scolding a baby doesn't work at that age), my friend finds it funny and laughs which encourages the baby to slap people again. I'm worried this is going to have an effect on her development. I don't know how to describe the baby in words without sounding mean. She is lovely, however turning out to be very aggressive. She will take your personal belongings such as your phone and when you try to get it back, she will throw them hard against the wall. My friend once again, laughs at this.

I'm unsure of what to do. Am I being unreasonable by pulling my friend to one side and having a chat with her about this?

Have a gentle chat with her and don’t make it about the phone. Maybe more like, once this is all over are you gonna relish getting out the house with daughter? And if she’s she says nope, ask if you can take her somewhere. She might be taken aback and then you can say I just wanna give her the chance to socialise with other babies!

Might want to ask the mods to take your name out of your post?!

I hope you're not using your real name and I don't know how old you are but you need to raise concerns with social services if you genuinely think the baby is being deprived of normal care, which it sounds like it is.

Firstly, an 18 month is a toddler, not a baby and unless there is SEN they should therefore be able to understand ‘no’, mine knew not to hit people at that age.
I would find it concerning if the child doesn’t go out, say a minimum of 2-3 times a day week most weeks. How do you know she ignores her child all day, do you live with them? How is their speech etc?

2-3 times a week*

@moita , Isobel is my middle name :) I use it for a first name and my email address on here! I haven't said my first or last name, so still anonymous x

@Ghhdtkmm we are neighbours. Before the virus I was at hers daily, now I see them over the fence (at a distance that is)

The words she says are "momma, dada, nana, bad, no" - no sentences as of yet x

I would expect quite a few more words and short sentences,but she is speaking which indicates she is being spoken too sometimes and some children don’t progress as quickly as others. And the no and bad suggests they’ve tried parenting her? Although they do seem to be encouraging violence which I would talk to them about, she definitely isn’t a baby so the ‘they won’t understand’ is no reason not to bother. Is it possible she just sticks tv in when you’re there too occupy the toddler so you can have a proper chat? Are you home all day to be certain the child never goes out? Not even to shops and etc?

Why not ask your best friend if she is struggling? generally? Is she tired?bet she is..does she feel she could benefit with extra support? Obviously it is a nightmare right now but as things improve and restrictions ease could you not take the little one out for a walk or something to give your friend a break? you need to do this in such a way as to be seen to be willing to help any sign of judgement will drive a wedge between you though..its alldown to how you phrase it really..I would say all those things but come at it from a loving caring angle.Tell her how much you love spending time with the little one and could you possibly take her for a few hours on a trip out to a soft play or farm or something ,,bet she would be really grateful of some space for herself for a while. unfortunately the timing is off to do anything much constructive now sadly.

@Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe , I gave her a call a little while ago & asked if she needed anything doing/fetching (to what I can do anyway) and she admitted she is struggling a little so we've had a long talk about it all. Once the virus passes whenever that may be, hopefully I'll be able to offer more support x