my 2 year old took a U-TURN

[jg22]

My son will be 2 this day next week

No complaints and from 8/9 months we were able to put him down at 8pm, he'd fall asleep by himself, sleep through the night til about 7/8am.
Then he'd have a 2 hour nap at either 11am or 12pm.

2 weeks ago, he started to freak out when he was being put into his cot, out of nowhere, even when he was evidently tired- rubbing his eyes, lots of yawning ect. He cried til he started gagging or choking. I tried to let him cry it out up until this point but when he started to cry until he nearly made himself sick- I took him out of the cot in his own room and let him lay on my bed until he fell asleep- around 10:30 pm. That went on for a week. I have tried restricting his nap from 2 hours, to 1 hour to 40 minutes and to half an hour. It makes no difference at bed time. I tried not letting him nap at all and on these days he's crashed on my bed at 7:30/8pm while getting dressed for bed and slept through til 8am. After this I was planning to cut his nap completely but yesterday he crashed at 5pm so I let him sleep for 15 minutes and then he was up til 10:30pm.... 8am-10:30pm is a long day for a 2 year old with 15 minutes minutes sleep.

It's a long day for me too. I dread going to sleep once I get him to bed because I know the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner i'll wake up and it will be another struggle. This is going to really affect my mental health

Am I be unreasonable to cut his nap completely at 2 years old?

My 2 year old doesn't nap. It's the only way we get any sleep at night. He's always been a terrible sleeper though (and to be honest he never really napped outside of the car/buggy).

I would either

Let him have a short nap and then take him for a walk (if you are somewhere you can SD) after his dinner. Then bath and bed.

Or cut the nap. But if you cut the nap I would be careful about how much he walks if you do go out daily.

Right now life is so different. I think most people are struggling to regulate their sleeping as we aren't naturally walking, travelling, playing and working as much as usual.

I worked in a nursery and some of the 2 year olds had dropped their nap. I’d suggest having some ‘quiet time’ to chill out over his usual nap time and trailing the no nap for a week and adjusting if you need to.

It's very common that they regress around this time. They start having a better awareness of their environment yet without understanding it, hence the anxiety that comes at time of seperation. He probably can feel something is not right from you, and that is raising his anxiety.

My boy did the same and for a few weeks, the only way to deal with it was to read him his story, and then stay next to him until he fell asleep. I then gradually moved further away from the door, sitting there, until I was in front of the door, then just behind, and then he was just fine as long as the door was opened and he could still hear us.

It's really normal, a bit of a pain but it will go away. I personally wouldn't have let him cry as I strongly believe that it is their way of expressing anxiety, but we are all different and there is probably no right or wrong in terms of how to deal with it.

Mine did this. It wasn’t the nap, it was being in a cot. We switched to a floor bed and going to bed became easy again.

It was around this age mine stopped being fine in a dark room with the door closed and needed a night light. It doesn’t sound like a sleep issue, more that he is scared? Does he have a favourite cuddly toy?

Dc1 dropped dropped and picked up his nap again about 3 times before turning 2.6 months when he dropped it for good. I found his naps became later and later in the day until eventually we just pushed through with an overtired toddler until bedtime and he dropped them entirely.

Also dc1 had a toddler bed at that age with guards on but co slept with us on and off until 2.4 when he suddenly turned a corner and slept in his own bed all night and has done ever since. It might just take a little time op.

@dontdisturbmenow I sleep trained him like that in the beginning, gradually spending less time in the room. I can't even get him into the cot now to even try this. As soon as he clocks that i'm bringing him to his room, regardless how tired he is, he goes ballistic and scream cries or he starts to scream cry when i'm lifting him into the cot.

Quite often it’s because they’re over tired. I think you’d be best to try for an early nap - around 1-2, and bed about 7.

I found letting them sleep after 3 was disastrous.

@TwistyHair I'd love to try a floor bed but he would spend the night getting in and out of it, walking around his room and the landing- the only thing that keeps him in the cot was the bars

@AmelieTaylor he doesn't nap past 2 to begin with. Even with a nap at 11 or 12 that lasts an hour, 40 minutes or half an hour it still fuels him into the night too much

@jg22 sounds like he’s suddenly realised that! He’s realised the cot keeps him in. Mine didn’t wake anymore once they were on a floor bed. They just went to bed loads easier.

OP does he need a later nap and to go to bed later? We had a a period where dc1 had a late nap and then later bedtime. It wasn't ideal as we lost our evening but it was a small period of time and meant he napped and wasnt overtired and then would sleep better through the night. When he was ready we dropped the nap and his bedtime came forward. He was still overtired but not enough where it affected his night time sleep.

But if you're saying your dc naps earlier it sounds like he isnt ready to drop it or go later as he will resist the earlier nap when he is.

Could you make a mattress on the floor instead next to it, then pick him up into the cot when you go to sleep?

Doea he have a night light op? Sounds to me like something is scaring him.

@skalaland he does have a nightlight but maybe it's not bright enough. It is just a subtle glow apart from lighting up the room. I will get a brighter one. It might possibly be the dark he suddenly doesn't like. He has black out blinds and heavy curtains but theyre to keep the light out in the mornings.

YANBU, in my opinion anyway. I have twin 20 month olds. They’ve never had as amazing a sleep pattern as yours has had in the past but several months ago I realised the only way that they would sleep through the night was by not encouraging a nap during the day. To this day that’s what I do and sometimes I get stick for it but it’s different to actively preventing them from taking a nap if they’re tired, as long as it’s before day 3pm (4 at a push). When I was reading your original post I kept thinking ‘that’s that sleep regression thing I keep reading about’. I’m scared of when sleep regression comes because I’m only just coping with how much sleep I’m getting 😂. But if it is ‘sleep regression’, it means it’s only temporary. His pattern may change but that’s because he’s becoming older and at some point we all have to stop taking those naps . Anyway, long rambling answer but I don’t think YABU. I don’t think the stress of having one child not sleeping is any different, sleep is sleep, do what you can to keep your own strength up so you can be there for him for all the important things. That’s what I’ve had to learn to do so I tend to feel less guilty about making decisions like this when the time comes. We’re parents... we’re the bosses of the company, sort of

I have now forgotten much about when my children were little, but I do know DS stopped napping more or less on the day DD was born, so he was exactly 2.

In your position, I would drop the nap completely. I used to give myself DS quiet time after lunch, but no nap. If there's a chance of yours crashing at 5 if he doesn't nap during the day, that suggests you can get him into bed earlier than 7.30/8. The end bit of the day used to be very trying (there was often a lot of whingeing and wailing), but mine were both in bed by 6-6.30. I used to bath them quite early as that tended to distract them a bit, then do milk and stories and early bed.

It might not work for you, but it did for me. Good luck.

Both of my DC had cut their naps by 2 years old

I do think it's a developmental thing, one of my Dds did it at around 18/19 months having been sleeping through from 12 weeks old, and I remember a few parent friends saying the same about theirs.

We tried everything other than co-sleeping (never wanted to encourage them into our bed). Varying / stopping naps, more food, more milk, less of both, food diaries to see if anything was upsetting her, later / earlier bedtimes, changing who put her to bed etc. All over the course of about 5 months. She was fighting going to bed and then waking up up every hour.

She stopped very suddenly when we converted the cot into a toddler bed. Don't know if it's because she'd matured enough to understand she wasn't coming out of her room or getting any interaction from us (other than a 'shush, pat, retreat') or if it was something specific about the cot. She stayed in bed as well even though we'd effectively handed her her freedom very odd.

Her younger sister started fighting sleep around the same age but would negotiate a certain number of nursery rhymes in return for going to bed. Smart cookie that one.

A floor bed means you can lay with him in his room until he falls asleep. Then you get over that screaming in his room. Once he starts to realise he's ok in there it should resolve.

We didnt bother with a floor bed and just co.slept with ds in our bed when needed. No bad habits formed and he has slept all night in his own bed and own room since 2.4 without any hassel as he was just ready. I think its important to give them the security needed when they are small and they will do it when they are ready afterall they're all different.
OP what ever way you all get the most sleep just go with it and things will work out in the end.