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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about the attitude towards children in shops

34 replies

Nochangeplease · 30/03/2020 22:34

Seeing so many posts about children in supermarkets and I’m honestly disgusted at some of the comments. It really does show some people’s inability to put themselves in the shoes of others.
Lots of “I absolutely wouldn't take mine in a supermarket”. Really? You can’t imagine a situation where you would? That’s weird to me. Yes I could try and find someone in the community to deliver some essentials but that’s not the same is it. Yes it’s hard times, and others are in worse positions and I fully understand that. But why should I have to rely on someone delivering me some items that are not what we would necessarily want when I can go in a car with my child and get our full shop, maintaining social distancing? It’s not ideal, I would rather not take him out at all, but why shouldn’t I be able to, just as other parents do who have the option of leaving their children with a partner are doing?
Maybe I’d think differently if I had a toddler who would definitely touch things and who I’d not want to put in a trolley. But I have a 7 year old who’d hold my hand, or stand close by, go near nobody and touch nothing.
I just don’t understand why people can’t imagine why someone might want to do this.

OP posts:
SharpieInThe · 30/03/2020 22:40

Because these 'no child policies' weren't written around your child but the average child. They can't make you do a parent test or obstacle course to see if you can control your child of if you've raised the human equivalent of a labrador before they let you into Tesco.

Many people are idiots, and this will kill vulnerable people.

Many people are very kind, and will ensure single parents who cannot manage with online shops etc have what they need. This will save lives.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 30/03/2020 22:47

Taking your child into the supermarket isn't going to kill people. That's just silly.

Original poster
Nochangeplease · 30/03/2020 22:49

That doesn’t matter. It’s not actually the shops or policies I have a problem with and from what I’m reading none of them are actually stopping parents entering with their children anyway. It’s more about family shopping trips. It’s the attitude of people on here around it that’s irking me.
There are many many parents that are able to keep their children under control, id also bet there are many children over the age of 5 who understand that things are different and expectations are different. They have as much right to shop for their own food as everyone else does. I don’t see how the risk increases because a percentage of people can not avoid taking their children in shops, if everyone’s keeping their distance.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/03/2020 22:50

I am not a single parent. I'm the partner of an Emergency worker, working long hours and on 3hrs notice to potentially go anywhere in the country. As such, where I need to go, my DC need to go with me.

It depresses me that people think the children of nurses, doctors, police staff, paramedics, military etc, working on the 'frontline' against the pandemic, should have less access to food etc just because they only have one parent currently at home. Same goes for single parents.

My children haven't left our house/garden, let alone the military camp, in two weeks. They will occasionally have to accompany me to the supermarket. I hope they will be allowed to do so, as my only other option will be leaving them in the car outside.

Original poster
Nochangeplease · 30/03/2020 22:51

Also, there shouldn’t be any vulnerable people in tesco at this point.
I think there has to be an element of common sense applied. I would take 2 under 5’s in the shop for example. But you can’t blanket ban single parents from going shopping which seems to be what everyone wants.

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 30/03/2020 22:52

As far as I'm aware there are no "no children" policies in major supermarkets.

Provided you're not being a twat, you are practicing social distancing and you're not symptomatic, I'd strong recommend growing a thicker skin and not giving a fuck. Not suggesting you're at fault for being upset - but that you can only control your own reaction.

LovingLola · 30/03/2020 22:52

The more people in a shop the greater the risk of transmission by sneezing and coughing. Simple.

RC1511 · 30/03/2020 22:53

I wouldn’t take mine to the supermarket (sorry) because he has autism and doesn’t understand social distancing and would be touching anything but I totally totally get that someone have no choice. I’ve heard of a lady today, she’s not Lived where she does for long, she has twins, the father isn’t around, she has no family locally. She has some friends but they are all self isolating. She’s had to take them to the shops so they can eat!

I am not a single parent now but I have been if this happened a few years ago I would have had no choice but to take him!

I know of another parent, she’s a single mum and was desperate for food. She left her children (not tiny children but not old enough to be left alone at home) in the car whilst she shopped. It took her a while because of queueing to get in!

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 30/03/2020 22:53

I hope they will be allowed to do so

They are allowed. Some shops are limiting children but plenty of others are not. They won't kill anyone by going in the supermarket, any more than SharpieInThe will kill anyone by going in the supermarket.

This absurd attitude from some people (like sharpie) on mn isn't doing anyone any favours.

macaroniandpizza · 30/03/2020 22:54

Single parent here and the couple of times ive been to the shops since this started you would think i was a leper the way ive been looked at. My ds has to come with me as im on my own with him and cant leave him in house or car alone

Zoeyclash · 30/03/2020 22:57

@Nochangeplease

"'But why should I have to rely on someone delivering me some items that are not what we would necessarily want when I can go in a car with my child and get our full shop, maintaining social distancing? It’s not ideal, I would rather not take him out at all, but why shouldn’t I be able to"

Thus comes across as very selfish, all about your wants. Restricting the amount of children in supermarkets and other public spaces helps stop the spread of corona virus. So if there is ANY other option at all to avoid bringing a child to do the shopping with you then everyone is encouraged to choose that option. People are being asked to make this adjustment/sacrifice only for a short while for the greater good of everyone in our society.

SharpieInThe · 30/03/2020 23:04

any more than SharpieInThe will kill anyone by going in the supermarket

You have the hygiene of a child if you sneeze or cough? I fucking don't.

MrsTommyShelby · 30/03/2020 23:10

I asked a checkout lady what single parents were meant to do in this situation if they weren't allowed to take children and she was very abrupt.

'What would a single parent do if it was the black plague?? Everybody has somebody to help them! EVERYBODY has SOMEBODY!'

I said I believed that not everybody has somebody and she repeated her comment and walked off.

TKAAHUARTG · 30/03/2020 23:17

Have you looked at some of the groups set up on Facebook? There are people who are doing so much for others, it is very heartwarming. I actually think that this may be one good thing to come out of all this; this sense of community. So right now I do believe everybody has somebody. As children are thought to be superspreaders (like they are with other coronaviruses) surely it makes sense to avoid them being out and about as much as possible. So yes, getting someone else to do supermarket runs seems like the best option.

fartingsparkles · 30/03/2020 23:18

I am a single parent,and I don't have anyone to ask to either stay with my dcs or go shopping for me. My parents have died, all my in laws are vulnerable in one way or another and friends are either not in immediate vicinity (so it would mean an unnecessary trip). None of us are or have been ill, nor are we vulnerable. I will probably leave dcs in the car as i can be quicker alone.

BeNiceToYourSister · 30/03/2020 23:28

I don’t think most people could honestly object to someone who has to make the choice between bringing their child to the shops and not accessing food at all. Like a PP said, not everyone has someone who can shop for them. It’s the fuckwits who treat it as some sort of family day out who deserve hostility. Or even couples with no kids merrily going shopping together! Why?!

Original poster
Nochangeplease · 30/03/2020 23:31

@Zoeyclash I assume you haven’t visited any shops in the last 3 weeks then? You know, for the greater good.

OP posts:
Femail · 30/03/2020 23:44

I think it's fine taking kids to the supermarket but please dont all go if you can help it. Single parents can go as normal shopping but everyone please keep them under control as at work there were kids running everywhere and touching stuff. I even saw someone out with a new born baby and both parents were there and that's just stupid.

nellythenarwhal · 30/03/2020 23:49

Yanbu- many are in buggies or the car seat attachment of trolleys not doing anything wrong while I have seen adults behave terribly by grabbing, pushing, shouting at workers...

tillytown · 30/03/2020 23:49

MrsTommyShelby why would you ask the woman working at the checkout? She has no control on who is and isn't allowed in. Surely you would ask to speak to someone in charge and ask them? Maybe she was short with you because she kept being asked dumb questions.

Pixxie7 · 31/03/2020 00:05

Sadly people are inherently selfish, with so much time on their hands they often think of how others behaviour affects them. Providing people are doing their best. That’s all you can ask for ignore them.

Original poster
Nochangeplease · 31/03/2020 00:08

Glad to see there’s some empathetic and rational people.
I’m sure nobody WANTS to take their children to supermarkets at the best of times let alone now.

OP posts:
Willowmartha1 · 31/03/2020 00:13

I took my nearly eight year old daughter in to our local spar yesterday and felt like a social pariah !! There was only about two people in the shop, I made her stay very close to me and obey the measured out spaces when queuing, a lady working there was sweeping the floor nearby and tutting loudly and staring at me so I made my daughter go and stand by the entrance which upset her as she couldn't see me and she cried. Felt very uncomfortable. Ps I'm a single mum and have no one else to leave her with.

Femail · 31/03/2020 00:15

As being a singer parent to dd most of her life I would hate to think you couldn't take your kids shopping.some people dont have anyone who can help them out and specially like what's happening now it's just another added stress worrying if you can take your children to buy food

Femail · 31/03/2020 00:16

Single*