Me and my DP have a house together and a baby who's just turned 1. He has a child from a previous relationship who's of school age and who comes to stay here every other weekend. He works weekdays during the day, including Saturdays and also night shifts most days, including weekends at a second job. Obviously I'm here looking after both children when he's at work.
My issue is that since the coronavirus outbreak I have been really anxious about myself catching it or any of my family members catching it, I do have health conditions although not ones that have been mentioned as making me higher risk. But since being told not to come into work by my employer at the beginning of March I've hardly left the house unless I've had to - my DP however, has been living his normal life. He is classed as a key worker and so needs to go to work, which I'm grateful for as we need that money to pay our mortgage. But it does make me anxious. But the main problem is that he was still doing other things like going to see his mum, popping out to chat to friends while he was there and just generally not taking any of this seriously. Every time he would come back home I would tell him how I felt about it and it would always end in a shouting match. He said I am brainwashed by the media, I'm a follower and I'm low risk so I'm overthinking it, it's just a flu and I need to gargle salt water and drink hot fluids to keep it away. So things have been very tense here for a few weeks to say the least.
Fast forward to the evening the lockdown was announced, I was relieved as I thought now he can't do any of the things he's been doing, surely now it will be just work and then straight home. The next morning, I approached him with the intentions of discussing the lockdown and the fact schools are closed now and that him and his ex are both key workers, so what will happen with their child, is there a plan for childcare. As soon as I asked him if there was a plan he bit my head off, he said he will do the childcare if his ex needs him to and he shouldn't have to ask my permission (which means it will be me because he works 6 days a week and then the night shift every night too) I said there's nothing wrong in me asking what the plan is seeing as ultimately it will fall down to me and that all I care about is making sure both he and his ex are only leaving the house for work and then coming home - minimising the risk to me and both the children passing it around between houses, otherwise I'm not happy to do the childcare. He then got really aggressive and said he can't control what his ex does with her life and that I was being ridiculous, I'm selfish and i must hate his child, I think she's dirty and infected that's why I don't want her to come here. We ended up arguing for the whole day, where he said a lot of horrible things to me, and to cut a long story short he left here to go and stay at his mums house a few days ago, where he is currently with his child. I guess his mum is helping him out while he's working. We have barely spoken until today, he's hardly even asked about our baby. But when I spoke to him today he let slip he's "basically been staying inside the whole time apart from popping out quickly to chat to a couple of friends in the day".
He is still not taking it seriously!!, he doesn't understand or maybe doesn't care that he's putting his child and his mum at extra risk, exposing his child to even more risk than she already is at as a child of two key workers, then wants to come back over here, with his child and put me at risk too. When I say this he sees it as me being against his child, but I feel the same way about him coming back here even without his child.
So my questions are, am I being unreasonable in any way here? He says I am 100% being unreasonable entirely.
How do I make him take the coronavirus more seriously?
Should I just forget how I feel and let him come home and look after his daughter as and when I'm needed to?
In general, aside from this issue we have problems that we need to work on, communication and his aggression being a couple of them, we were planning on doing individual and also relationship counselling. My fear is that by the time all this is over I won't have any relationship left to work on.
Sorry it was a long post and thank you in advance