Domestic Violence

[TheTrollFairy]

Is the UK government doing anything to support those suffering with domestic abuse during the lock down?

This has been prompted by the 2 women who have already lost their lives to violent partners within the last week.

My dad was violent to us growing up, I honestly think if we were locked down for weeks then the abuse would have been worse, it’s making me very sad for people who are in this situation at the moment and cannot escape.

What support would you suggest OP?

I’m not sure, that’s why I asked if the government was doing anything!

Refuges are still open.

They didn't do much before so I can't imagine they are a priority now either.
Sad as that is, it's everyone for themselves at the moment.
I fear for everyone 'trapped' with an abuser, physical, emotional, financial, verbal, sexual or otherwise.
This situation will escalate things and I want to cry for every one who is suffering.
Womens Aid are being inundated.
It's heartbreaking.

Women are going to struggle to access contraception and termination of pregnancies too, so forced pregnancy will be a problem for some.

@hellsbellsmelons that’s really sad, i feel awful for people forced even more into this situation

@IpeartreeI I didn’t even think about that. You can order emergency contraception I think?

It's a tough time. Unfortunately there is just too many hard times ahead. With deaths, NHS, economy, job losses, lack of basic food in some areas...there's only so much the government can take on at one time.

I'm sure that there is help available. But I whole heartedly agree that if you hate staying at home for whatever reason, this will send you over the edge.

@OlaEliza they don't accept everyone though. I was turned down because I'm employed.

Only they can leave though, not sure what the government can do?

Im not sure as like people have said, it’s such a horrid time.
My hope would be that police would do checks on known vulnerable women but I suppose this could cause more harm than good

@CheesecakeAddict that’s stupid, not everyone who’s employed can afford to just go and get their own place.
Are you safe now?

I was looking at my DD and am so
Keeping my monthly one to WA going despite all the salary cuts
I was in this and had I been with ex I would have killed myself probably

That was one of my first concerns when I heard about lockdown

I think Priti Patel did comment on this

Unfortunately successive governments have cut funding to DV services meaning there are not enough refuge spaces or workers.

Us DV workers are still working though we are classed as essential so are still providing support to women up and down the country.

Women’s aid have also published some Covid-19 specific guidance for victims of DV.

www.womensaid.org.uk/covid-19-coronavirus-safety-advice-for-survivors/

It’s not just people in abusive relationships. All kinds of vulnerable people are being put at risk. A friend of mine gave birth yesterday (cesarean). She’s been told that once she goes home she’ll have to cope alone. She’s a single parent so she has no help at home so she’s expected to take care of a newborn and a five year old post surgery alone. She called social services who basically told her it wasn’t their problem unless she was going to put the order child in foster care. Fortunately she managed to get them to agree to let us take her daughter but once she’s sent home I guess I’ll be helping her which is fine but if this had happened a couple of weeks later I could have easily found myself stranded overseas and she’d be completely alone. Lucky for us I guess but she can’t be the only women in the country in that position.

What help did she want from SS? I’ve had a csection twice and I’m a lone parent, both times I had to cope alone and look after other children, last one I had a 6 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old and new born no help from family and ex absent. It’s hard but doable, can’t see why ss would become involved unless there are safe guarding concerns?

Another DV worker here. We're business as usual, except for additional hygiene measures of course. All refuges still open and accepting new referrals.

@CheesecakeAddict are you safe? I've never heard of a woman be turned away because she was employed. Although we would ask additional questions about whether it would be safe for you to continue that employment or if it would be better for you to leave and get another job further down the line.

Refuges are still open but of course there is still a shortage of spaces as they aren’t being funded properly. The government don’t spend enough on services like this as it is, I can’t see them throwing money at the situation now. There’s apparently been a spike in DV calls to police already which was sadly expected. Now that victims are being locked in with their perpetrators it’s going to be so much harder to access any assistance as the windows of opportunity to do so will be scarce.

My hope is that funding will by some miracle be increased after the lockdown has ended and we are out of danger of Coronavirus, to assist all the victims of DV who realise they’re in a toxic relationship and want to leave. But I doubt that will happen.

@Reginabambina that’s awful. So many women are having to give birth alone or not in the way they want due to all this.

@PumpkinP you are right, women do it all the time but usually we aren’t locked down and new parents can have visitors etc. As the rules currently stand, no one other that the mum should be looking after the kids.

Not sure if women's aid help line is still available during this period?

@ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt I'd love to see more funding, but like you, I highly doubt it will happen.

What I'd especially like to see more funding for is refuge places for women with additional needs/circumstances that prevent them from being accepted into the majority of refuges.

The number of women we have to turn down because we're unable to support them in refuge due to their circumstances really saddens me.

I know there are projects out there for this, but still no where near as many as are needed.

@IpeartreeI

Bit of a hiccough last week, but restrictions have been amended
www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/30/relaxation-of-uk-abortion-rules-welcomed-by-experts-coronavirus

@PumpkinP that’s extremely dangerous. A c-section is a major surgery. There’s a realistic risk that a woman who has had one will suffer from infection, embolism or internal bleeding. It’s bad enough when you are being monitored by someone but alone she might just pass out and not wake up. If left long enough her children would then both die of starvation as well. She was hoping for a carer to come in to at least make sure that her children were safe. She was told she wouldn’t receive any help from them (apart from me there was no one else to help her and I was supposed to be away so basically no help) beyond taking her daughter into foster care if they were able to find a family.

Well I've had 2 sections and they've both been fine, it doesn't leave you bed ridden you can still do things just take it easy. I've never heard ss sending carers in for someone that's had a section my midwives knew I was alone they weren't concerned so I think dangerous is an exaggeration.

I would like to know this too. I have already been through extreme domestic violence with another man. Not suffering violence in this relationship but DH isn’t the ‘nicest of blokes’ if you’re around him 24/7. Has started drinking heavily again since the lockdown and is very lazy around the house. Currently in bed next to him enduring one of his temper tantrums and silent treatment because I won’t have sex with him. I do it every day and I’m 8 months pg. It’s very uncomfortable and I just want him to leave me alone. It would be nice to wake up to him being affectionate and not trying it on with me. He’s also been coming out with weird commands like ‘eat all your food’ like he’s my parent. I can’t wait for baby to be here so I have something lovely to concentrate on and 6 weeks free from being sexually harassed.

@starrysimon he may not be violent but he is still highly abusive and will only get worse. Please call Women's Aid, Refuge or your local domestic abuse support service and start making plans to leave.

You're strong. You've done it once and you can do it again. You and your baby deserve so much better