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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a silly question about shopping and the vulnerable

33 replies

SkaLaLand · 30/03/2020 14:45

My grandad is in his 90's and is isolating for 12 weeks.
I will need to do some shopping for him soon (a week ago he guessed has three weeks of food in)
Problem - I cannot afford to pay for his shopping for him.
I will either need to take him to a cashpoint and then go shopping or take his bank card and pin (which I don't want to do really if I can help it)
Can I take him to one of the stores doing early opening for the vulnerable and go in with him to make sure he buys enough to last him a couple of weeks? That way he can choose his own products and pay himself and I will just help him with the packing and bags getting it home?

Or is that now allowed? Or a really stupid idea for reasons I haven't thought of?

OP posts:
Tigresswoods · 30/03/2020 14:46

Can he write you a cheque?

user1493413286 · 30/03/2020 14:47

I think if he’s being shielded he’s then at the highest risk and it wouldn’t be safe to take him shopping. I know you don’t want to but the best option is taking his card and pin.

Chrisinthemorning · 30/03/2020 14:47

MIL doesn’t do online banking either. She wrote DH a cheque. You can now pay these in online by taking a photo of it on your banking app.

AlwaysColdHands · 30/03/2020 14:48

He shouldn’t be going in shops.
Best for him to give you his card for you to obtain cash, unless he’s able to telephone his bank and do a transfer to you?

Sirzy · 30/03/2020 14:49

At 90 I really wouldn’t take him to the shops.

Unless he has internet banking and transfer then I would take his card when you go shopping and just make sure you give him all the reciepts

kitk · 30/03/2020 14:49

Can you take his card and pin and get a receipt with the amount withdrawn, then to cover yourself photograph it and share with another relative?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/03/2020 14:51

Either use his chip and pin to take out cash or just pay for the shopping that way.

Don't risk taking him out; vulnerable people should be kept inside unless there's no real alternative. You have an alternative - get a receipt for everything, make sure that his shopping is all separate from yours and accept that you're going to have to trust yourself with his chip and pin in this instance.

Original poster
SkaLaLand · 30/03/2020 14:51

I want to try to make him still feel at least a bit independent (he hates feeling vulnerable and it not enjoying his isolation 😕) hense not wanting to take his card and pin.

I hadn't thought of a cheque (being young and all that 😂) I will suggest this idea to see what he thinks.

I need him to make a list of what he wants and to try to get him to think bigger than he normally would as I need to obviously restrict my own trips out.

OP posts:
SnaccidentsHappen · 30/03/2020 14:52

Is he registered for telephone banking, he can transfer that way if he is

adaline · 30/03/2020 14:53

Take his card and PIN number.

Original poster
SkaLaLand · 30/03/2020 14:56

Oh trust isn't an issue at all, it's more that he might feel I was 'taking over' he is usually very independent for 90.Though I would of course get him a reciept anyway as a matter of course.

He is a very active 90 and I keep having to reinforce that he can't just 'pop to Tesco' everyday for something he fancies 😕.

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 30/03/2020 14:57

Absolutely no to taking him to the shops. The pensioner hour concerns me as it goes against advice for over 70’s to stay home. But I appreciate not all can, though most communities offer help. Please don’t take him to the shops. Take his card and pin if you have to. My friends mum goes twice a week as she’s loving pensioner hour, I despair. Many elderly people won’t be told either, but they aren’t just putting themselves at risk but potentially infecting others

Darbs76 · 30/03/2020 14:59

Unfortunately at the moment all our independence is gone. I’d explain that it’s like this for many, not just elderly people but those isolating for many reasons. The older you are the higher the chance of death from this. Please advise him that he has to stay at home

Original poster
SkaLaLand · 30/03/2020 14:59

I mean I know I AM taking charge but usually I try to do it by stealth, make him think it was his own idea not to agree to buy a new driveway for a car he doesn't have from the man who knocked on the door and all that normal stuff.

This situation doesn't really allow for that approach 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
SkaLaLand · 30/03/2020 15:01

Oh I know @Darbs76 I am terrified of losing him and I know the chance is very high. He on the other hand thinks he's bloody invincible.

OP posts:
Spied · 30/03/2020 15:01

I think you need to take his card and pin.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 30/03/2020 15:03

I would take his card & pin in that situation, the idea upthread of taking a photo is great although I would actually take his card to pay for the shopping with - no one wants to be handling cash just now if they can avoid it.

He sounds like my Great Aunt was - she used to rush about looking after the “old” people when she was in her 90s Grin

Nonnymum · 30/03/2020 15:06

Sorry buy I don't think he should go out. If he has received the shielding letter then he has to stay in because hbeis very vulnerable. Your only option is to tak who's card and pin.

Andromeida59 · 30/03/2020 15:12

My GPs are both in this situation. They have given my brother their card so he can do shopping for them. Both are fiercely independent but are also taking in to account the rules.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/03/2020 15:19

He definitely shouldn't go out.

My husband's uncle is 93 and like your Grandad is usually very independent. At the moment, DH is taking his card to do his shopping and getting him a receipt so that he still feels in control.

I used to do the same for my Nana.

Notcontent · 30/03/2020 15:23

No, don’t take him out! Supermarkets are really one of the worst places to go to at the moment.

Blobby10 · 30/03/2020 15:26

Are the banks relaxing the rules on telling someone else your PIN and/or letting them use your card? I used to do it for my grandma but her bank told her to stop as if she did have fraudulent activity on her account and she had already let me know the PIN she wouldn't get any stolen money back.

BookWitch · 30/03/2020 15:30

I am in a group volunteering to get shopping in for vulnerable people in our village and we are doing this by Paypal. (The couple I am shopping for, their son who lives away, has set up a paypal account linked to their debit card, when i do a shop for them I whatsapp a pic of the receipt to the son and he sends it to me by Paypal linked to their card straightaway) Would that work in some way for you?

JackMummy12 · 30/03/2020 15:59

I'm not sure what store you are using, but could you use a gift card?

You could with your Grandad put a preloaded amount on to it, and then pay for his shopping with that.

It's something I've been thinking about as would like to help neighbours locally who may not have someone but very difficult for both parties financially trusting someone with your money before you've bought it but also buying items for someone ahead of being paid.

Bookoffacts · 30/03/2020 16:03

Or a few days in advance, he could transfer the money into your account.

He can ring his bank to do this.
No need for smartphone.
Smartphones and computers have only been around a short time. Smartphones since 2010. I've been ringing my bank to transfer and pay for bills since 1992. It's been possible since 1970s?

Get him to ring the bank but allow a few days for them to send him any new admin numbers / telephone banking password (by snail mail).
He will need his name, address, dob, account number and sort code.
Then he can ring them again to make any transfers or pay bills.
It keeps him in charge of his own finances too.
And if you ask him to do it in advance in order for money to clear into your account you will have to money to do the shopping.