Hey all, I'm wondering what everyone else is doing here...
I lost my job which was a 'filler' job, I was a professional in the digital industry until I had my 3 DLOs close together, so have had 7 years off and slowly turned to mush despite doing voluntary work heading a toddler group and for school! So I wasn't sure what to go back to as I have taken a great redunancy package when pregnant at first. So, now I have to get a job (due to some bad luck with finances), do home and home school whilst Husband is working more with no extra pay. We need me to work financially but home school and just having 3 of them here all day means that I only get a couple of hours at night to catch up on cleaning and clothes prep for the next day etc. Cooking 3 meals a day and clearing all that is a labour isn't it!!!! Plus we can't get an online delivery so we tried to make time there! I guess I am enjoying home schooling too much but in fact ours seems to have a full day and homework still, and so that is like doing a full time job as well as the above.
I was never a homemaker but have tried! I find I can do it on my own but fall apart when Husband is involved like now he is working from home. Becuase I expect them to chip in and he doesn't which de motivates me. He has been horrible for a whilst anyway, he has all the pressure he says.
So, how do I get time to just do things better and work that out and organise things? I feel a bit like I have never done anything properly, the things people love me for are not anything to do with my career as was, or anything to do with running daily life in fact. I'm so sad, it feels like now as well no-one is around, and this is because I can't seem to run this life very well normally and now no-one has to cross paths with me so - they aren't! What a terrible alert this seems to be to me. I am aware that I am not invited to many things where we moved to raised the children. So no all these things are compounded. Hmmmm. I was spending time looking for jobs and trying to work out what is best for me to thrive and be happy again. I'm definitely pressure by my husband to just do anything right now. He hardly talks to me and leave his stuff lying around. He is rude in front of the children and to top it off my Sister is playing world domination with our family because I don't live there and also actively not inviting me to things. I read this back to my self and think it just seems confused and pathetic and if someone said all this to me I would think they need to make some tough decisions and could see that they are stuck not taking enough action, sort of too scared or overwhelmed due to years of feeling isolated. I'm normally so strong. I think it is more complicated becuase I'm looking for reassurrance and people to connect with on things here, which just hasn't happened as I thought. I honestly don't feel like I can get any real help or feedback at the moment, I don't trust my Sister, she keeps excluding me becuase she felt jealous and feels really competitive for some reason. And I yurn her friendship but she betrays me by living with our Mother and putting me in a ridiculous position hacing to say thing like, why haven't you given Mum anything towards living there? Or things like, it must be difficult to be at home with Mum who is 'vulnerable' to Covid-19 and stop going out. This was before lock down but still people were expected not to go out. I then found out she went out clubbing that weekend. I guess I can't expect support from her, and the family she sees nearby who now think I am the one who is causing issues. It's bonkers. Sorry for the rant, just hoping someone is around to give me tips or perspective.