to feel so worried all the time to the point where everyday is a nightmare

[ohjeezzrick]

I feel very unreasonable right now, and very scared.

My job is usually a part-time role for a charity which includes organising organisational training and speaking at corporate events.

Since the coronavirus crisis, this obviously has stopped because organisations aren't planning too far ahead in advance and events have stopped.

During this time, I have also split with an ex-partner and have had to move back into my parents' house. This is a 2-up-2-down very small house where there is little privacy. But - we have a garden so at least we are lucky in that respect!

I have now been asked to do "check up" calls for around 25+ staff members on the 2 days I am working as there isn't a job left for me anymore without the usual tasks.

I have had to sit in the car for the calls this morning as there is no privacy in the house - my parents could hear the calls.

I know people have much worse situations than me - but I am feeling very overwhelmed and very anxious. There is no way I can do phonecalls in the house, so the car seems to be my office for the forseeable. I am also overwhelmed talking about how others are not coping and "checking in" on them, when I feel anxious myself.

I feel so selfish.

I have previously had PTSD and currently have anxiety and OCD which are particularly bad at the moment... I feel like I am not coping.

I have said to my boss I am struggling, who has asked me to take care of myself.

I feel like I cannot function - all the days are merging into one, I don't have privacy and I sit up at night worrying about organising my working day in the house.

I know we're all in the same situation! I feel selfish for moaning!

Would I likely loss my job if I had to take away from it? Would they think I was being selfish?

I feel like a conscientious objector by struggling to do what is expected of me ... I feel like I am going under.

Anyone else feel the same?

That's really tough.
I vote you focus on what you can control. If you need privacy then sit in the car, you can accept that fact and don't need to worry about it any more.
Have a plan for what you will say if people are struggling. Maybe empathise and help them problem solve?
Have you had any cbt? You could ask for some if you haven't, or use the skills you learnt if you have.
Download the Calm App and listen each morning. You can do this, you've done worse.

I totally understand. I do think that you can dig deep and make the best of this though. You still have a job and regular income which you should 100% hang on to and aim to execute the job well. Two days a week is only 16 hours in which to keep your mind occupied and focus on other things. Think how much you are helping others just by reaching out to them. Absolutely agree with PP that you should get a list of topics together first and be mentally prepared for hearing some anxiety without letting it affect you
Although it's small place, you have a family to take you in at short notice. Presumably you don't have to worry about finding a lot of rent/mortgage money at the moment.
This will all pass and you'll be through to better days. Take it one week at a time and bring a flask out to the car, put on music between calls.

Sorry things are so tough. I might be not understanding - why can't you do the calls in your room? Does it matter if your parents can hear a bit from downstairs? I wouldn't take time away from work if I was only doing two days a week. Just use the other five days to take care of yourself and don't put any pressure on the two working days. You have a secure job with a nice sounding boss and it sounds like you need some continuity in your life right now. Am sure no one will be expecting you to achieve anything major with these calls. They're just keeping the comms going and keeping people occupied and feeling useful and connected. Hang in there and take care.