Monthly contributions

[NewGirl1990]

Me and my partner are in the process of buying a house together. It’s a new build, we’ve paid the £500 reservation fee, with my parent’s assistance, and the property will be built and ready to move into December/January, current situation pending. The majority of the deposit for the house is being provided by my parents, partner has a HTB ISA with £1,900 which will also be contributed. The money to do up the house, put the floors in etc, approximately £10,000 will be coming from myself solely. It is not my intention to get him to a sign any kind of deed of trust with regards to the significant amount I’m initially contributing. (Please don’t tear me apart for this!) My AIBU is that we’ve been discussing how bills will be paid, we initially discussed a complete 50/50 split, however he has recently taken a new job, which his after tax take home works out at approximately a few hundred more than mine. In terms of personal bills we’re both in the exact same position, i.e. no credit cards, car payments etc. Knowing that he is going to be taking home the additional income my thought is that he should pay in the additional income and I should pay less so that each month we both have the same amount of “spending” money from our wages. So for example if we were both originally paying £500 each it would now be split £400(me) and £600(him). This is the first time that either of us have lived together and so have never been in the position to have this conversation so unsure really how to broach with him the fact that I know think our contribution to bills should be different. I’d appreciate any advice anyone has!!
Oh, my AIBU would be;
Yes split bills equally / No it should be based on income.
Apologies for the very long post, thank you in advance.

"It is not my intention to get him to a sign any kind of deed of trust with regards to the significant amount I’m initially contributing. (Please don’t tear me apart for this!)"

YABVVU
It's pointless arguing about bills when you're essentially handing over thousands of pounds to him.

Do the two of you have any intention of getting married?

Agree with @AnotherEmma

Agree with @AnotherEmma

You MUST have it as part of the house purchase that you are contributing more. I assume this 'doing up' is getting the house builder to put in upgrades rather than you moving in and doing it piecemeal? Then it's part of the purchase and fairly straightforward for your lawyer to put in place. You've mentioned it so expect people to comment on that part of your post.
As for the rest it would be reasonable to put a percentage each of your wages towards the bills. He may still have more disposable income after doing this, but his job does pay more so I think that's right too.

Get something on writing about the extra investment and pay 50/50.

FWIW I agree with pipandmum about proportionate contributions to the mortgage and bills. When DH and I first started living together (before we were married) we did it in proportion.

For example if person A earns £1000/month and person B earns £1500/month, person A should pay 40% of the joint bills and person B should pay 60%.

As I said though it's all moot if you don't protect your investment properly.

I wonder how your parents feel about it, since they're contributing a significant amount for the deposit? How would they feel if you split and he ended up with half of their money?

Why do people do this to themselves?!

Either get something drawn up legally or get married.

Then, yes, it makes sense for both to contribute an amount to bills etc that gives each one the same spending money.

Is your partner on board with this idea?

I would not be buying a new build now. I doubt it will complete on time, at some point soon non essential construction will be suspended. Anyone who has started a new job in past year is vulnerable to lay off. The housing market will change post this crisis and financial lending be more restricted. You may be locked into a poor deal. That aside if your bf earns more why is he contributing relatively little?

I agree 100% with the first poster!

We, like many others, put it all in the pot and divide out what's left after joint savings etc so we have the exact same spending money. But this is because that's what we sat down, discussed and agreed. If one of us earns more, we both benefit. If one of us earns less, we don't have to worry, we've got each other's backs. At the same time, we discussed how things might work if one of us lost our job, couldn't work for a period of time for say, a medical reason. And what would happen if we had kids. Sit down and have this chat. If you cant have the chat, you're not ready to live together. If you don't like the answers you have got time to work out what you want to do about it.

110% protect your investment input though. That money did not grow on a magic money tree.

Either get married or Get something written up legally. Whilst in house is 50:50 but you need to get this sorted legally as your dp could take your deposit money when you split up. Or get married.

Have I read this right, your DP will be entitled to 50% of a house that your parents have basically paid for? Are your parents ok with this? Regardless of the bill split you need a Deed of Trust drawn up, people change a lot when things go sour. You are focusing on a few £100 when you should be focusing on the tens of thousands at stake here.

When I moved in with my partner he earned more than me so we worked out a percentage split. He paid 60% and I paid 40%. Definitely get your investment protected too though!

You are not married and you need to protect you and your parents extra investment in the property. It's not hard to do. If you don't want to discuss the nitty gritty of finances then you shouldn't live together.

As far as the bills go then some people do equal contributions (this is fair if you are flatmates but not if you are married with children and there is a big disparity in income), some people do percentages based on income (which seems reasonable for people who are partners) and some put money into the joint account so they are left with equivalent spending money (this is what DH and I do, but we are married with kids).

Ok two things:

Yes you absolutely need to have it written than you have invested more initially. It’s very easy to do- your solicitor will advise.

Re: bills- if no children I think you should split the bills 50/50- people split proportionately when one half of the partnership has sacrificed career progression/ work hrs for the family.

YABU on both counts imo

Thank you everyone for your responses, it appears that the majority believe I am being unreasonable, so I will definitely take that on board. My parents are aware that we’re not having a deed of trust. Yes it’s our intention to get married, we decided purchasing the house first is the priority however. My partner has only recently taken on this role, prior to this is income was less, our take home pay was the same. The money that I have to do the house up came from inheritance, so it isn’t a case of I’ve saved and he hasn’t sort of thing. I suppose if the roles were reversed and I was the one taking home more I would be willing to put in more so just thought this would be normal. As the majority appear to feel we should split equally then I’ll leave it as it is.

If you don't want to protect your own money at least protect your parents'! Incredibly selfish and naive to say you don't want to do that as a minimum.

I would also withdraw from the purchase, absolute madness to be buying a house right now. The market is about to crash.

Anyway - on your original question - proportionally is the fairer way to do it however you're not married and don't have shared finances so 50/50 is fairer, like roommates, which you are (legally).

It’s ridiculous to think you and your OH will always earn the same amount- what if you get a pay rise do you keep adjusting the bills?- sounds painfully nit picking to me.
Until you have children just split down the middle

How much deposit is your parents paying
That money and your ten thousand ,need to be ring fenced so you get it back in the event of a split
Your crazy not to see a solicitor about this
Fast forward 10 years ,you have 2 kids and want a divorce ( it happens)
You will be so thankful to have that extra money when the house sells as it will provide a deposit for your next home
I’m suprised your parents aren’t insisting on this ,
You don’t seem very on the ball op

Also just as an additional, I’ve taken on board the comments regarding the actual purchasing of the property. I’ll admit I probably have on rose tinted glasses regarding us not splitting and so I will speak with my parents, and also my partner, regarding having something written up. I know that my partner would have no problem signing this it just wasn’t something I felt was necessary. But again taken your comments on board.

Not just marriage, but any long term serious relationship, your contribution should be based on your income.

It’s like sticking all money into a pot and ensuring there’s equal distribution so you both have a similar disposable income.
If you fell pregnant and went on maternity would he still expect equal contribution?
If he lost his job and was out of work would you be pressing for his share of the 50%?
Of course not to either.

Sorry want to separate,,not divorce ,I realise your not married

I do think all salaries should be paid in to a joint account And you both take out the same amount of spending money after bills are paid
Have you discussed what happens if you accidentally get pregnant
Will he still expect his half

In terms of contingency i.e. if I was to get pregnant or one of us lost our jobs then obviously the other person would pick up the slack. Our plan is to get into the house be sorted for a few years and then discuss starting a family, if I was to be off on maternity then yes he would cover the shortfall in my wages dropping.

Go and have a look on the relationships board. You'll find hundreds of women who will tell you that they also would have sworn they'd never split from their partners.

You have never actually lived with your partner before, so you have no idea if the relationship is going to last the distance. Given that, I'd pull out of the purchase altogether. Plus it's crazy to be buying a house right now - especially a new build as they are notorious for losing value initially.