Struggling to see how I’m in the wrong on this one- AIBU?

[TheMogster]

Context: DP and I have 2 DC- DD5 and DS2.

Our normal evening routine after tea involves me bathing both DC, putting them to bed and doing stories while DP washes up and tidies up downstairs.

Tonight, after tea DD discovers a DVD of an old children’s’ TV programme I used to love and asked if she could watch it.

I said yes and also said I would put DS to bed, which I did.

I put DS to bed and sat with him a while. I could hear downstairs that DD and DP were watching the DVD together. I also heard DP suggest that it was time for bed after an episode ended but DD really wanted to see it and DP relented.

As such, I stayed upstairs, had a read and spoke to my parents on the phone when they called.

Eventually, while I was still up there, DP brought a very tired, cranky and whingy DD to bed.

DP then complained about having had no time to do anything that evening and it was all my fault because I hadn’t come down to collect DD for bed and stories!

I said that DP is a parent too and could have called time on the DVD while I was upstairs but chose not to.

I was told that it was my responsibility because I “always” do stories and DP was just “waiting” for me but I never came.

In fact DP usually does stories about once a week on average, but this somehow means that bedtime is always my responsibility.

I thought that they were enjoying a DVD together (which is why I stayed upstairs reading) and the fact that DP let DD have extra episodes after initially suggesting it was bedtime meant I thought DP had made a judgement call, and I didn’t intervene.

I offered to help with DPs undone chores (which could have been done while DD was watching the DVD, frankly), and DP has now stomped off to bed leaving me to do them all.

Can someone explain how I’m in the wrong here? I’m usually the first to apologise if I’m even partly to blame but I can’t see what I have done wrong here.

Yes = I am in the wrong.

No = I am not in the wrong.

He should have made the judgement call to bring dd up

Interesting, I think this is one of those threads if the genders were reversed the responses would be different.

My husband does bed times and I clean up. our daughter asked to watch one of his fave programs. He said yes, and then went up to put our son to bed. I put the program on as was his fave and he’d said yes to our daughter, I still had the cleaning to do, and expected he’d come down. Instead he fucked off to our room and sat and read. Without saying a word and leaving me to it.

Who was being unreasonable

I one hundred percent guarantee folks would be shouting him.

100% @Bluntness100!

Such a fuss about nothing! Put DD to bed and do the chores together?

It could be a very long social distancing time if you fall out over something so petty!

• It sounds to me like he wanted you to be the bad guy and come and call a halt on the dvd watching, so he could be 'good daddy' that allows such treats and you are cast as 'mean mummy' that stops the fun. I wouldn't be doing the tasks, if they can wait til morning, do them together then.*

This. And he isnt your staff. He is an equal parent.

YANBU - you must be so.tired.

He let DD watch an extra episode.
If you had come down and insisted on bedtime you would have been undermining him

I think YABU, because you made a whole heap of assumptions about what he was doing, instead of going downstairs and asking him.

One brief convo and none of this would have happened.

As he was on sofa with DD, and you were moving round the house, much easier for you to start the convo in these specific circs.

YABU

You were the one doing bedtime, he was doing other jobs. Instead of taking your DD to bed as usual, you let her watch a DVD downstairs where he was doing his jobs. The natural thing for you to do would have been to put your son to bed, and then go down to DD, and either watch the end of the episode with her, or tell her to go to bed, or tell her it will be bedtime after this episode, etc.

I don’t think your DH would expect you to go and sit in your bedroom reading while she carries on watching multiple episodes and then talk to your parents.

You started off DD watching the DVD when she should have been going to bed, so DH would not really know what your plan was in respect of when she has to stop.

There are some very weird posts on this thread 🤔

He’s being a cock. He chose to sit & watch with her,, he could have gone & done the dishes. He could have sent her up to bed after one, two or whatever episodes, but he didn’t.

You still put her to bed, he should have gone & cleaned up.

He’s little, I’m sure it wasn’t midnight before she went to bed, he still had time to himself.

Twat.

Normal is out the window, you need a new routine maybe put kids to bed together & do dishes together?

He did not have to sit captive like with her to also watch the dvd. God, I’d be ecstatic to have her watching it while I zipped round doing chores. He’s a parent too, why does he think you should do everything related to bedtime?

I think you are both being unreasonable. Not worth falling out over. Also don’t see why chores are his job each night-stories and bedtime is a much nicer job