For banning Dd from going to physio

[Comefromaway]

Dd is training tobe a professional dancer. About a month ago she picked up an injury (shoulder dislocation) & was referred to a specialist clinic in Birmingham for professional dancers & sportspeople. Her first appointment is Monday. She phoned them yesterday expecting to be told it’s cancelled but no,the appointment is still on and they told her precautions would be taken (masks etc). She would normally go by train but will have to drive about 60 miles to get there and enter the main hospital to get to the dept.

I think she should cancel, it’s too high risk and isn’t essential. She wants to go as the staff there are specialists and it’s her career on the line.

She’s 18 so I can’t actually ban her but AIBU in asking her not to go.

@Comefromaway Sounds like you care more about your feelings, than you do your daughters. If she needs physio, then she should go. I hope she does, even despite your objections. Coronavirus will be over in a few weeks or months (hopefully), but a physical injury could affect her entire life! Did you think about that? You're being quite selfish IMO.

The QE they would definitely have cancelled if they felt it could wait. She should go.

We have had many appointments cancelled. If they are still willing to see her, it is considered worth the risk.

She’s training to be a professional dancer - an injury that she doesn’t get the proper rehab for could derail her whole career. She should attend - roads are quiet at the moment and hospitals have precautions in place.

THIS. Injuries cannot wait indefinitely for proper physio to begin. I had an injured knee from mountaineering and stupidly put off physio. It was only a matter of weeks but it caused scar tissue and decreased bone density to develop. My mountaineering days ended because I thought it was “not essential”. It is.

Please don't stop her. I still have knee problems after a knee injury wasn't diagnosed properly and didn't get physio right away and it cost me my military career. The physio said had ingot the physio from the start, it probably wouldn't have come to a medical discharge.

Not quite the same but this first appointment is important and needs to be done in a timely manner. QE is a great hospital from experience and will have risk assessed this to make sure it's as safe as possible. Don't potentially ruin her whole career by stopping her.

@Comefromaway Sounds like you care more about your feelings, than you do your daughters. If she needs physio, then she should go. I hope she does, even despite your objections. Coronavirus will be over in a few weeks or months (hopefully), but a physical injury could affect her entire life! Did you think about that? You're being quite selfish IMO.

How dare you criticise my feelings when I’m just trying to keep my family alive and well. I have asthma, my Dh has a debilitating medical condition, both kids have an asd and we have vulnerable in laws (over 70 one undergoing cancer tests & one with dementia). We are rationing our food so we don’t have to leave the house and risk one of us getting Covid.

I’m seeing other hospitals cancel what I would consider to be vital tests & treatment.

It’s her life but she chose to come home when college closed. If she was still at her digs she’d be living under her landlady’s rules (who is a midwife with a husband just recovered from cancer so they would be strict.

She’s living in our house, she is Year 13 age studying on a course not eligible for student finance so we pay for all her costs.

In these times we all have to adhere to things we wouldn’t normally.

It’s interesting that everyone on here says she should go but everyone in real life says it’s not worth the risk of picking up an infection.

Given the limited risk to her (given her low vulnerability) and the likelihood of problems by delaying physio, I think she should go I think driving her is a good way of dealing with it. Wouldn’t you need to stop for the loo somewhere though? Might be worth planning that.

And you sound like a lovely considerate mum, the sniping was unjustified.

Absolutely don't go, can't believe anyone would consider this. (GP here)

You appear to be a lone voice lancaster. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I don’t want to screw up her chances if recovery, but this thing is bigger than everything. But then again the staff at QE must knowcehat they are doing?

You might ruin any future career in dance if you don’t let her go

If that is ok with you go ahead

But this won’t last forever and there is a future out there

I think she could go.

But I think some of the responses you've had here are disgusting.
It's your home. Your rules. You have to think of the family as a collective.

Unfortunately these are times when individuals may be inconvenienced and put out for the good of the many.

If she doesn't like it she is an adult who can go elsewhere.

Her career in dance may be ruined. And that would be sad.

However if I was OP I would say that that's better than DD bringing back a virus that would kill the OP or her parents.

Learning the correct exercise will strength and stabilise the joint and reduce the risks of dislocating it again. I would see it as a beneficial risk to avoid the worse risk of having to go to A and E if she dislocates it again.

(If you can drive her I would, as joints can be painful after initial physio assessments as you need to demonstrate what movement you have etc).

She is 18 and old enough to live away from home, I think you should be advising and supporting, not telling an adult what to do (I know it's easy to say but hard to do when they're adult but still your child!)

But OP can enforce used in her own home.
The daughter is an adult. So she either abides by the family rules or sets her own rules in her own home.

This is life or death. What part of lockdown do people not understand? This thread horrifes me.

Medical treatment is still going ahead, the covid-19 situation is not making people leave injuries that without treatment will ruin careers and cause life long damage.

If either of my dancers had a nidms physio appointment they would be going. I think the benefits outweigh the risk in this case.

Lancaster but her hospital team are advising her to attend. Do you think people on the internet know better, whether they say they are qualified or not?

I have been advised to attend a hospital appointment that is already booked, I'm working on the basis the medical team that have access to my records and know my history, are making a decision that they genuinely believe is the best.

So it appears dd has the date wrong. It’s next Monday. It should have been tomorrow but the GP accidentally referred her to normal physio who realised the mistake, rejected her referral and advised referral to the correct dance & sport exercise science clinic instead.

So I guess we make the decision next week.

Putting the dancing career aside you need to consider if it could have any longer term implications if not treated properly. 18 is a young age to start developing long term issues. If the hospital are comfortable with her attendig and future consultations are via video chat then it seems a lot of precautions are in place. YABitU.

Her hospital team are not analysing the risk to the home. Their only priority is their patient.

OP has to balance the wants of the DD with the health of the family as a whole.

Again. Majority wins in circumstances like this.

www.nidms.co.uk/nhs-dance-injury-clinics