Can you ever truly get over and forget it?
I was in a emotionally abusive and occasionally physical relationship. I left some years ago now and am now married and happy.
However I still to this day think about it. I can still see the changes in myself and the effects.
My ex would sit me down like a child and explain to me why I was stupid and not a good person in a really calm and sinister way. He'd do this for hours and I would be too scared of him to say anything other than repeat 'sorry' over and over again. He'd tell me how I was lucky that someone like him put up with me, he'd tell me I was selfish, pathetic, retarded (his words), unlovable etc etc. And I'd just sit there and nod my head and apologise, a lot of the time I wouldn't even know what I'd supposedly done to upset him, he'd just tell me the fact I didn't know what proof of how awful a person I was.
Then there were other times when he wasn't as calm, when I locked myself in my bathroom and he was headbutting the door trying to get in, I remember thinking if that door gives in then he's going to kill me, the time he threw shoes at my face so hard they left a mark of the sole on the wall next to my head, the times he pinned me against the wall if I dared question what he was saying or grabbed my face and demanded I look at him and stop crying.
I left whilst he was at work after he'd thrown a big washing basket at me and hurt my wrist. I packed a suitcase whilst he was gone and just left and I've not seen him since, my dad dealt with getting keys back to my flat off him, I gave notice and never went back, that was that. I of course got lots of abusive messages at first and then a lot of lovey apologetic ones but I ignored them all.
The problem is now I find myself worrying about whether I am really stupid, whether I am selfish etc... If I have a conversation with someone I come away from it thinking 'did I ask them enough questions about themselves, did I come across as selfish?!' and I'll worry about it for ages. If I accidentally spell something incorrectly or similar, I'll worry that I really am thick like he said. I wanted to study biology at university and I didn't do it because I was convinced I'd never pass because I was too stupid, that was my dream and I never did it because of him. I panic that I really am all of these things and I just labelled him as abusive because I didn't want to accept it.
My husband is nothing like him, nothing at all and yet I'll still flinch if we argue and voices are raised slightly. I still think it's just a matter of time until he hits, pushes, throws something at me even though logically I know he'd never.
Can you ever really get over this? I hate that I'm years down the line and I still think about this shit. I hate my ex but I feel like writing him a letter and explaining what he's done to me, though I won't.