To ask you to please help..bereavement nightmare..terrified,

[peterrabbitspossum]

I just had the most horrendous nightmare and I can't handle it,
In the dream (bolded to make sure people realise I haven't really done this!) we had travelled to my old childhood village and were in a restaurant about to have a celebration of my lovely dads life, he died six weeks ago. My old vicar was there and she gave me a hug, I'm an atheist so surprised she was in my dream, I wish I was still in touch with her but i have cut myself off from everybody since he died and unfriended everybody I had on social media including her so I have no support any more.

Back to the dream, All these lovely people from his life were there. The celebration ended and I was walking round the village when I saw my dad and he came to talk to me but all of a sudden he was a dead body walking and wouldn't leave me alone and was chasing me and I was trying to push him down into his grave and couldn't so I had to run away but the streets were deserted and nobody was there to help me and he just kept chasing me.
I ran to my old childhood home and managed to get in and he was gone then, he hadn't kept up with me. I'm terrified to go back to sleep now. I'm here alone with my DCs.

I actually read something on BBC (which unhelpfully I now can't find) but basically saying that the isolation we're all in means you're much more likely to have disturbed sleep and dreams as we're having less real stimulus during the day, so this is definitely a real thing!

Please do reach out to friends and other support. If I was on the receiving end of such there's no way I'd think less of you for not saying at the time. Your friends will want to help, let them! Also, I have nightmares (similar situation with the loss of a parent) and whilst I haven't got a magic bullet, there are some good sleep training things online about a)changing up your bedtime routine and b)what to do to reset your brain if you are up in the night

Here are some links on nightmares:

amerisleep.com/blog/avoiding-nightmares/

And image rehearsal techniques:

www.verywellmind.com/imagery-rehearsal-therapy-2797304

True friends will understand and accept you back. Vicars have seem so much grief and counselled so many people through it that they are a great person to talk to about how it is affecting you so PM her or pick up the phone. She won't reject you as she will get it.

I've sent a few messages and will see what comes of it, I'm not feeling that confident tbh. They were more acquaintances than friends, I wouldn't be presumptuous enough to assume friendship.

In bed now, I don't want to be alone. I'm scared to sleep because of it as the dream is replaying in my mind. I emailed about counselling today.

peterrabbitspossum, sorry I got it wrong even though it made you smile.

You have done nothing wrong. Lucid dreams happen sometimes and are disturbing.
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EnterFunnyNameHere Sat 28-Mar-20 06:32:33
I actually read something on BBC (which unhelpfully I now can't find) but basically saying that the isolation we're all in means you're much more likely to have disturbed sleep and dreams as we're having less real stimulus during the day, so this is definitely a real thing!
...
That's interesting. I had one the other morning, it seemed to be for a long time but they always are. I was trying to find my way home and bumping into people I know who tried to help me but couldn't. In the end somebody was helpful - I had no bag or keys and that was worrying me - then I realised I was dead and on my way to Heaven. A young woman said she would take care of me and we went to have breakfast in a restaurant, I said, "The condemned ate a hearty breakfast", but smilingly, I also said I wasn't frightened. We then got into a sort of minibus with others and I said, excitedly, "Soon I'll see my mum, we didn't get on all that well but we will now...". Then I woke up.

I daresay that's similar to what people call, "Near death experiences", though they usually happen when somebody is seriously ill and i'm not. It was interesting and not un-comforting.

I've always dreamed vividly and trying to get somewhere is a common theme but that recent dream was unique.

peterrabbit, I'm glad you are contemplating counselling. I believe there is some skype counselling going on. Cruse are very, very good, I have a friend who is in an experienced counsellor/psychotherapist with them.
They will have encountered similar experiences to yours before and know how to help you.

I had some horrible dreams after my dad died when I was 23 and was frightened for a long time. I couldn't express my fears to anyone which made it worse. It did pass but I remember how I felt.

I've been bereaved since then and had dreams but they were comforting, not horrific.

Grief takes time. How things are at present, not being able to get together with anyone, scatter your dad's ashes, etc, is making everything worse and preventing closure.

(My husband died suddenly last July, I've thought over the past couple of weeks how much more difficult it would have been had it happened now. Just saying to show I have some understanding.)

Take care.

You poor thing OP

I lost my last parent five months ago. I too have vivid dreams like this. I think it is part of the grieving process.

Please don't worry xxx