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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I ungrateful

25 replies

Itsjustme1986 · 28/03/2020 01:01

I've been with my husband for 10 years, it was his birthday 2 weeks ago and I went online to search for very specific coffee machine for his favourite brand of coffee, it was not high end but not budget either. It is my birthday on Wednesday coming and my gift was delivered today so He suggested I open it. For 10 years I have not changed a single product I use due to sensitive skin, I use same shower gel same moisturizer, changing them can trigger months of reactions. I also have ranted in the past, even Christmas just gone about people close to me buying gift sets for me knowing I cannot use them. Anyway My husband bought me a big expensive bottle of perfume which I love and wear all the time but also a gift set, which was really random and I reacted with a bit of shock saying that I can't use that stuff and if it was expensive We should return it, He pushed me to try it which I did a few hours later when I showered, no skin reaction yet. Later I sat down with him and I was looking online for a specific food for Our little toddler and I mentioned that boots website is now queued and really hard to order from. He replied "Thank God I ordered your gift on time", normally We both have same sense of humour and I said "Yeah, We wouldn't have survived without the Flowerbomb", He got really offended, I explained the joke and He said ok but it was really awkward and eventually We just had a big row. Sorry for long winded description. Am I unreasonable, was it not a bit off of him to buy me something that is potentially not good for me and pressure me to try it anyone?

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 28/03/2020 01:03

I think everyone is really tense right now and prone to over-reacting. I think he wanted to get you something nice.

user1473878824 · 28/03/2020 01:04

He ordered something you love and it came with extras. Often they’re the same price or cheaper. He said you should try them rather than returning everything. You didn’t have to. I do think you’ve made an absolute mountain out of a molehill.

user1473878824 · 28/03/2020 01:04

And honestly not sure what you buying him something had to do with any of this?

Original poster
Itsjustme1986 · 28/03/2020 01:10

The thing is I didn't make the mountain, He did, I know He overspends sometimes and I'm pragmatic so didn't want to end up keeping a 100 euro set for 6 months in order to give it away, We have a mortgage and child to think of, I just suggested to maybe return it if it was expensive as the perfume was more than enough, He reacted more to my joke later on than this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsjustme1986 · 28/03/2020 01:12

For context, The gift set was completely separate from the perfume and looked expensive

OP posts:
Wheresthebiffer2 · 28/03/2020 01:18

YABU
Poor man. You seem to be a bit self-righteous about being a better gift-buyer than him. You need to relax, and see that he remembered your birthday, bought you something you like (perfume), also bought you something he hoped you might like (the gift set), and it arrived on time.
The man did good!!!! And the polite thing to do is to say Thank You.

TeamLannister · 28/03/2020 01:18

Sounds like you were a massive dick about it.

Original poster
Itsjustme1986 · 28/03/2020 01:18

I guess I mentioned my gift to him as it was personal but actually it does seem pretty to compare, and the perfume He bought was one of my favourites. The whole thing seems so petty I'm just sort of shell shocked how big a row we had, He got really offended, I felt I was just making a light hearted joke and how did We bed up fighting so much over it.

OP posts:
Bellad19 · 28/03/2020 01:24

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable op. I like to think my husband and I are close enough that I could be honest if I really didn’t like a gift, as he would with me. It’s not as if your husband got you something you ‘didn’t like’ , it’s something you’re potentially allergic too and like you said, being practical, if it’s expensive it would be much better to return it rather than let it go to waste. I think your husband is probably just hurt because he tried to do something nice (not even thinking about your skin allergies) and it’s been thrown back in his face, but when he’s calmed down Im sure it will all blow over! Flowers

bigyellowduck · 28/03/2020 01:31

Isn’t a coffee machine like giving a mop or a Hoover?

Josette77 · 28/03/2020 01:34

I think you were quite rude.

Original poster
Itsjustme1986 · 28/03/2020 01:38

Haha bigyellowduck, not if you like nice coffee and you get to have it home instead of instant, not many love hoovering or mopping, We did joke that I would buy him a lawnmower as We need a new one.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 28/03/2020 01:48

I agree with @73Sunglasslover, people are being affected by the current situation. DH and I never argue, but today we had a whopper over literally nothing.

It is irritating when you are given gifts that are inappropriate and that you will probably never use. Maybe that's also why he overreacted because he realised he had been a bit thoughtless?

Mothership4two · 28/03/2020 01:52

Isn’t a coffee machine like giving a mop or a Hoover?

My family got me one for my last birthday, and no it's not. I love my coffee machine. DH did once ask if I would like an expensive hoover for my birthday as ours was on its way out. I told him only if he wanted it put where the sun don't shine. He's not normally that stupid sexist

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 28/03/2020 02:13

You sound really hard work to live with tbh.

Breeblebree · 28/03/2020 02:23

How did you end up fighting so much about it? You didn’t really. I think probably you guys are both feeling the tension of this weird situation and it was a placeholder argument to let some of that tension out (on each other). We all do it - you argue about one thing but it’s just the straw that broke you, it’s actually all the other little things that have built up that make that one final thing seem so awful.

You both over reacted to vent some steam. Is it ideal to take it out on each other? No. Is it very normal? Yes. Moving forward you can either suck it up and apologise if you think it’s just this weird situation getting to you, and explain that’s what it was and there’s nothing serious wrong. Try to both be kinder to each other and cut a bit of slack - work out how to support each other to both get through this sane (extra alone time, more special family time, whatever you each need). Or if you think there’s some deeper issue that’s built up that’s actually nothing to do with the current situation (perhaps you find him inconsiderate generally and this was the last straw) try to explain that, apologise for the row and talk it out calmly. Perhaps it’s a bit of both, either way have a hug, sit down and talk it out.

user1473878824 · 28/03/2020 02:50

Oh god just apologise. He did something for you and you weren’t nice about it. We’re all a bit up in the air at the moment. Is it worth it? No.

MrMeSeeks · 28/03/2020 02:53

I feel
Bad for him. He did something nice and you sounded really ungrateful. I would be upset if it were me.

peterrabbitspossum · 28/03/2020 03:17

Yes, you were.

Bahhhhhumbug · 28/03/2020 03:42

... very

rottiemum88 · 28/03/2020 03:45

Yes, you were ungrateful. Absolutely no need to mention/compare to the gift you bought him, but clearly you think your efforts were superior. Accept gifts with good grace and don't make people feel bad when they try to do a nice thing for you by throwing it back in their face Hmm

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2020 06:21

It sounds to me like he wasn't listening when you said you can't use most body wash type products. I'd be annoyed as well

Neron · 28/03/2020 08:30

You were ungrateful, but take the positive from it - you've successfully used a different shower gel as you've had no reaction. Means you're not stuck using the same one all the time - and who knows, maybe he even researched this for you

4amWitchingHour · 28/03/2020 09:02

I'd have been pissed off about the pressure to try it - you know your skin, he just can't accept he was wrong and is now being touchy about it. I think it was a bit ungrateful to make the joke as he had clearly tried, but he made a mistake and should own it.

Dommina · 28/03/2020 12:18

He was excited to give you the present, probably stressed about the current sitch, and his feelings were hurt by the 'joke' you made. Just say sorry and move on, and next time be more gracious about presents.

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