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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell partner to stay at friends

23 replies

Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 00:09

I kind of know the answer but I’m at my wits end.

Would it be terrible to send my partner to his friend’s and make him wait this out there?

I really can’t cope with him being here. He’s so inconsiderate. He’s like a child, he has no regard for other people’s peace and just does as he pleases.

He’s so loud. All he’s done all week is play guitar and sing, all day. Then at night he plays on his games so that’s more shouting and being loud. He’s drunk now and being obnoxious. Again also being loud.

I have a 7 year old and just want it to be peaceful for her.

He won’t see what he’s doing wrong, he’ll just make out that I’m boring.

/:

OP posts:
Tinty · 28/03/2020 00:13

Well he doesn’t sound like the right person for you. Or maybe you are just stressed and normally you enjoy his character. Perhaps he is being loud and playing guitar to try and take his mind off of all of this.

As hard as it is, you are supposed to stay in one place and not mix with others so you shouldn’t really ask him to go elsewhere.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 28/03/2020 00:14

I get rid of him permanently.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 28/03/2020 00:19

Tell him to move out until it is over then stay there.
Happy homes need teamwork, respect and consideration. He is giving you none. If he is doing this now, imagine what would happen if you were relying on him to look after you or what would happen when you retire. If you cant see it, time to reconsider your relationship.

Cherrysoup · 28/03/2020 00:19

Does he live with you? Have you told him to stop channelling his inner fucking Justin Beiber and grow up?

If yes, then kick him out of presumably your house?

Monty27 · 28/03/2020 00:23

He sounds fun. But you don't seem to socialise together well. Are things good between him and 7yo?

HauntedHats · 28/03/2020 00:23

Sounds like you need to make his extraction a permanent one...

Original poster
Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 00:24

I haven’t been happy for a while, I kind of just get on with it.

He’s playing guitar so that when he stays at his friend’s house, he can have a jam session. (His words)

I get that we’re supposed to be staying in the same place and I’ve been following it down to a tee, but I don’t think I can cope with him being loud all the time.

He’s always playing his games and having no consideration for the fact my daughter is in bed, I’m always having to tell him to be quiet. He plays it in our room so I get no peace.

I just feel him not being here would be some peace for me and my daughter.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 28/03/2020 00:29

This relationship is not right for you and your daughter. Yes, send him away.

Original poster
Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 00:30

@Monty27 we don’t really spend anytime together. We live under the same roof but kind of do our own thing. Yeah, he’s good with her. There’s no problems there.

Yes @Cherrysoup it is my home. (:

OP posts:
LorenzoStDubois · 28/03/2020 00:34

Kick the fucker out.
Let him off to his friend's.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 28/03/2020 00:34

He plays computer games late at night, in your bedroom? So both you and your daughter don’t get precious, healing sleep?

What an utter arsehole. I’d get rid of him for that alone. Anyone who ruins anothers sleep is a complete bum hole to me-its so important for us physically and mentally. Inconsiderate, selfish person he is.

Rarely rarely say this on here or in real life but get rid, you’d be much happier and healthier.

Monty27 · 28/03/2020 00:37

In which case he sounds awful and I wouldn't have him around. Anything that's not helpful during an already stressful time needs to go.

Original poster
Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 00:40

Thanks for all the replies.

He’s asleep on the sofa at min. /:

Thing is, he’s working from home so will have to take his work stuff to his friend’s. He’s not being doing much so can’t or don’t see that being a problem. (:

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 28/03/2020 00:46

Yuck. Send him away for ever. He has no consideration for a seven year olds sleeping? Fuck him.

willowmelangell · 28/03/2020 00:52

You poor woman! In the morning or whenever he is awake, just calmly say, "This isn't working and I need you to leave today."
He may be shocked. He may argue.

Perhaps you could get a head start by (quietly) getting some boxes or suitcases ready for those games.

Who's house is it?

Original poster
Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 00:55

@willowmelangell it’s my home. I rent but I lived here first, he moved in. (:

OP posts:
willowmelangell · 28/03/2020 01:15

That is ideal. Nothing in writing. He is a guest in your house.
If you are sure the friend will take him in? Even now the household rule is in place?
Off the top of my head I can see 3 choices.

  1. Temporary separation.
  2. Permanent end of relationship.
  3. Separate for now, but start dating again later, and he doesn't get to move back in. It does sound unbalanced as he is dominating the whole house with his own needs and wants.
OydNeverDeclinesGin · 28/03/2020 01:28

He sounds extremely selfish.
Do the needs you or daughter have ever get a look in?

Cherrysoup · 28/03/2020 08:36

Is he on the tenancy? If not, honestly, I’d tell him to go. He sounds like he’s draining you as opposed to enriching your life.

Dieu · 28/03/2020 09:28

You really need to prioritise yourself and your child.

Pentium85 · 28/03/2020 09:35

Why people waste their time on someone they aren't happy with I have no idea

Windyatthebeach · 28/03/2020 09:39

Ltb.

Original poster
Feelthethunder · 28/03/2020 10:14

@OydNeverDeclinesGin when it comes to his gaming and being loud. It would appear not really. /:

@willowmelangell I think so. I can imagine he’d enjoy him being there. And wouldn’t oppose it.

OP posts:
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