Friend is so patronising

[Sapphiresunrise]

She's in my main set of friends so it's difficult to just cut her out.
I don't know how to best explain it but every time I talk to her I always feel low on confidence and that she's the one who's 'advising' and is in the right.

I have some friends who appear to have low self-esteem and are perhaps vulnerable in some ways, but our conversations always feel very balanced and I just do not feel the same way I do as when I speak to this friend.

She seems to think that the ladies in our friendship group who are single must all be desperate for a man and unhappy (she's married) but it's not the case at all.
I told her that I wasn't looking to date and was fine as I was, she looked at me as if I were an alien and was just speechless.

I don't have a car, don't own a house, don't have a lot of money etc. But i'm happy with my life and what I do. However because she has all these things, she seems to think she's at a different stage of life to me, and that i'm sort kind of vulnerable and fragile flower who is lost in life.

Even with the Covid-19 issue, she is not a trained medical expert yet seems to be the official doctor of the group, I told her that I felt unwell and she told me, "If you don't have this, this or this you don't have CV, I've got this and this but I know I don't have CV."

I told her I was wearing plastic gloves to do my food shopping as of now. She asked me about how I was taking the gloves off, and then told me "You do realise that when you wash your hands, you will be spreading even more germs."
Which of course is going to make me worry, then immediately after saying that she says, "I just don't want you to live in fear." 🙄
I appreciate that she means well but I just never feel good when I talk to her. I feel like I have to prove i'm not what she thinks I am.
She just constantly gives advice that is not asked for.. Her husband has an opinion on everything, he can be quite scathing and I know she tells him everything. I just don't want to create any drama, especially at a time like this.
Just not sure how to deal with it.

It seems that you just don’t like her very much. You also seem to think she’s judging you but I think you’re judging yourself. Now’s the perfect time to distance yourself from her. No point in giving your time to people who make you uncomfortable

Why do you care what she thinks? Genuine question. Can you define why her opinion is important to you?

I had a friend like this. Friends for a couple decades. Anyway in the end I realised that real friends don't make you feel like shit. I cut contact even though it was hard as there was a group. I kept in touch with the two that I got on with best but haven't seen or spoken to her in 10 years. Not looked back tbh.

She sounds like one of those insecure people who make them selves feel better by belittling others that she feel that she can feel superior to.
In some respects, she’s a bit of an emotional bully.
If you and your other friends were to cut off your problems, angst, worries and difficulties, you’ll probably all find that her flame will distinguish itself.
She’s feeding off you all to make herself feel better and superior.
Try, if you can, to extinguish her flame.
You are such a better person than she is.

I have a 'friend' like that whom I can't avoid completely because of her knowing other people I know, but I have learnt to just listen and nod politely. I used to let her tell me what to do until I realised she was turning me into someone else. There's no point trying to reason with someone who thinks they are always right. OP, try not to share too much with her about your life and try to distance yourself mentally. Carry on and do your thing because YOU know what makes YOU happy.

It sounds like your life is very different to hers but instead of her just accepting that you live very different lives she is trying to promote hers as superior. There will be pros and cons to everybody's life and lifestyle.

I have a friend that I have had for many years and for a long time she was in a family/suburban living and eventually nearly paid off her mortgage and able to go on holiday all the time/not think about her spending etc. I was glad for her and her life looked nice for her (not me). I was living in shared houses, hanging out with friends and having a lovely time (moaning about men and money at times I'm sure). I never judged her life I'm sure it was just right for her but at the time it looked extremely boring to me. My life probably looked extremely terrible to her!

I now live a suburban life with a family and I am happy with it at this point (but yeah it is pretty boring so don't rush into anything!)

Anyway sorry for waffling on but basically everyone should respect each other's lifestyles. What's right for one is not right (or possible) for another and what is right for you now won't necessarily be right in 10 years time.

I think it all comes down to that old saying "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent". You don't like her husband - you find him hard work and argumentative - so you obviously wouldn't want to be married to him! When she has a tilted head "oh it's very sad you don't have a man" perhaps a well timed "well if I had to live with your Dave I'd rather die alone thanks" would fight fire with fire.

Hi dont tell her as much. Had friend like this. Babies were same age she got competitive then what was his routine his food did I batch cook etc. I decided she made me feel v low. Honestly op you dont need these type of friends. I let it fizzle out