Ex new girlfriend. AIBU to say if he's visiting her, he's not to visit our children?

[Beesisabuzzin]

Long story short. Amicable split last year. We have children, I am resident parent. In 4 months he has had one of the children overnight on one occasion. All other contact with the kids he sees them at mine. This is his choice, I have made it clear he can see the children as much as he wants and have them stay at his as much as he wants.

He dropped in yesterday evening on his way home from work. Announced he hadn't taken his son's call the previous evening as he was at his girlfriend's and didn't want son to know.

AIBU to tell him that he's breaking government guidelines by going to his girlfriend's house, and that if this continues I don't want him in my house? Or am I being a bitter ex wife?

Not unreasonable at all. The rules couldn’t be clearer- except to those who refuse to live by them.

You are sounding like a bitter ex-wife.

There are ways you can explain it to him without being nasty.

YANBU at all!! I would gently explain this to him and you won’t sound bitter. Just let him know this won’t be forever but you need to protect yourself and your children. You need to stay well for your children and keep them safe too!

@LittleLittleLittle OP doesn’t sound bitter at all - and nothing nasty about her post!

I’d tell him he isn’t allowed in from now on. Look after you and your own - you’re not obligated to have him in your home. He can call/Skype the kids.

Bitter ex?! Ridiculous notion. If ever there was a time to stand up to a selfish ex this is it.

No way do you sound like a bitter ex! You sound sensible. YANBU!

@Ruby8719 actually she does.

He isn't allowed into the OP's house either as he doesn't live there and the OP is more than capable of caring for them. He needs to pick up the kids from the doorstep. If he doesn't want the kids overnight at his, then he needs to take them for their daily exercise.

So what is the difference between going to his girlfriends and yours?

"Just let him know this won’t be forever"

It could be, if a vaccine isn't found. Even so it could be 18 months.

OP is he fully isolating except for that? I'm torn on this because why is he allowed to shop and work but not see her?

What work does he do?

Exactly my situation so he isn’t seeing the children. I’m not satisfied he is keeping the children safe or acting within the guidelines/rules. I’ve sought legal advice and it’s fine what I’m doing although there is no legal precedent. Your ex and mine have a choice, see their new girlfriends or see the children. Make a choice. Mine chose his girlfriend. The children are gutted but there we go. Rules are rules and I’m not going to break them so he can crack on with his girlfriend of 6 weeks. He’s not special the rules apply to all.

OP is he fully isolating except for that? I'm torn on this because why is he allowed to shop and work but not see her?

Because them the rules. Who else has she seen? Highly doubt they're social distancing and they are not part of the same household!

But he can't stay in the OPs house either so he can't see the children.

@TheBusDriver that's my point. Handovers are allowed but going into the OP's house and into the girlfriend's house isn't allowed.

He can move in with his girlfriend (or vice versa) and then pick up the kids from the OP's doorstep. If he refuses to do both then he can't see his kids.

A public health doctor made this point last week about partners who don't live together.

And no he doesn’t “need” to take them for their daily exercise - might as well let him in the house. He needs to STAY AWAY!

I totally get the comments about what's the difference between him visiting gf and visiting my house. Gove said he can see children. He'll only see him at mine - as I've said he doesn't have them at his. So I accommodated his request yesterday as otherwise they would not see him. I didn't know until he was sat on the sofa that he even had a girlfriend, let alone was spending evenings at hers.

His job will be furloughed end of this week

Re YABU comments, if I get it, who looks after the kids?

Yanbu at all.

Laughable to suggest you sound bitter

I wouldn't be letting him inside the door, he's still working, visiting his girlfriend AND wants to visit your house too. What part of staying in does he not get.

Telling him he can only see the kids if he collects them from my doorstep is not going to go down well. But I accept I have been liberal in my understanding of Gove's instructions

It does sound bitter, because if involves your ex’s girlfriend. If you were talking about him visiting a friend then it wouldn’t sound like that at all.

The fact is you are right.

He shouldn’t be visiting anyone outside his home other than his own children.

Thanks for all the feedback

That he is not isolating / social distancing from his gf is a bit irrelevant if he is going to work, isn’t it?

But basically he is potentially bringing all the contacts his gf has had, as well as all his own contacts so he is a walking infection threat.

Are you and your D.C. being very careful / distancing / isolating?

"Re YABU comments, if I get it, who looks after the kids?"

Who would look after them during any serious illness/accident?

Life will return to semi normal while this virus is still around. So everyone needs that plan in place. We are delaying being infected, not waiting for it to go away. We are letting the most vulnerable die/recover first, then eventually we will all be exposed.

While he's going to work, the infection risk by him seeing her only goes up slightly.

Unless one of you is vulnerable, it isn't a reason to stop contact.

That he is not isolating / social distancing from his gf is a bit irrelevant if he is going to work, isn’t it?

Presumably he can keep distance from people at work but he isn’t keeping distance from gf

Also the guidance is to work if you have to buy then you don’t also get to visit whomever you like