To think this is unsustainable (working with kids)

[coffeeforone]

So from Monday this week DH and I have been working at home full time on the following rota:

6am-10am Me working, DH with kids
10am-1pm DH works, me with kids
1pm-5pm Me working. DH with kids
5pm-8pm DH working, me with kids
8pm onwards - both working to catch up, dinner, laundry, cleaning
11pm - collapse.

Kids are 3.5 and 18 months and would usually go to nursery full time while we work.

Both of us have busy jobs with no sign of them slowing down. Employers have both said we can be flexible like the shift pattern above but we both need to put in about 50 hours each week.

Any tips to make this more sustainable. I'm already exhausted after 4 days!

Whilst I would love to do a 6hr chunk, I can't ignore calls or emails during the time I'm not working. I'm going for 90 mins on, an hour off which means no one is ever happy and my head is constantly in a spin but no feels let down. Such a tough thing to try and balance. My boss has agreed to me spreading my hours over 6 days rather than 4 but there is just so much extra work to do that that I am having to work more hours each day than I would do normally so that hasn't worked! I can't complain though as everyone at work is dealing with a massive increase in their work load, it isn't just me. And my children are primary school aged so have some understanding of the fact that DH and I both need to work. We're all healthy and cocooned at home too which is something I used to take for granted but now value above all else.

Unless you work for a Corona proof company you’ll have a salary cut soon
So the choice will be made

Which companies are still keeping people
So crazy busy ? Mine is but in sales so .. pressures on

Tablets and TV need to be your sanity friends. Try and take laptops into same room as them when on duty.. it's literally impossible to look after young kids and work at same time, unless they are quiet calm DC. Mine are not...

Accountants are very busy this month. I doubt they'll be less busy during the recession.

We got a trampoline with a safety net, and Disney+ was released in the UK this week. But it's still not sustainable for two people to work full time from home with no outside help, imo.

Same here op. Am struggling with both of us working FT & kids. The thought of doing this till September makes me very anxious.

I hear you 😰 I am working with 3 DC although the older two are ok really but they need me to help teach them and I can't when I'm having to work. My Oh was home last week but apart from housework he didn't do anything with the kids so that is going to have to change .

I hear you. I'm home alone with an 8yo and a 3yo as DH is a key worker. I'm supposed to do four 7 hour days, but I've just told them I'll be doing it over 5 days now and some of it might have to be in the evenings. It's like some kind of cosmic joke - you thought juggling work and kids was hard before? Try this!

I've got a massive project coming up which is worrying me in terms of workload but like others said, I'm trying to think long term and show my worth so I'll get this delivered.

My sneaky tip has been letting the kids run around me while we're having our check in catch ups, just so people get a visual on what my life is like now (I'm the only one in the team with kids)

It is going to be difficult that is for sure but I wouldn't say unsustainable. You just have to adapt your working day as a result of all this and should recognise that many people will be in the same boat. It is poor though that your employer is not being very flexible though and I would raise this after the pandemic is over. Dh s work is incredibly busy at the moment and he has the kids on the two week days I work. They are 3 and 2 so a nap can't be relied upon and he doesn't get much done on those days. His boss appreciates that and has said dh doesn't need to log on in the evenings when I get home. Instead he is doing slightly longer days when I am home just to make sure he is on top of his work.

I would try to do a 6am-12 noon shift and 12-6pm will work better for you both. That way you can both log on for a few hours on a Saturday morning to make up your 50 hours, which I hope you are getting paid generously for. Batch cook if you can at the weekend so that you are not having to make meals in the week, chuck dishes in the dishwasher and alternate running a hoover around. It is going to be a hard slog for the next few months!

As a teacher, I've had to think about this a lot over the years and I'd suggest doing the hours over 6 days but not quite so many hours a day and taking the 7th day off completely. Also if you can, put the work stuff in a separate place in the house so you can shut the door on it and being very strict on work hours. Now I'm teaching from home all week, I'm slipping into answering work emails on days I don't work, which I've rarely done before. My DD is 7 and high maintenance even with DH pitching in. If this had happened when she'd been younger I'd have lost my mind. My sympathies.

Can you work over Saturday and Sunday too? We are being totally flexible at the moment and allowing our staff to work whatever hours they need to around family / children. So some are working over the weekend. If you do a few hours on the weekend you could at least finish earlier. I usually do consolidated hours, 4 longer days. But at the moment I’m doing 5 days so I can spread it out longer

I’m doing eight hour days at home, from Monday I’m also doing one day a week in the office. Poor boyfriend has been lumbered with my son a lot. It’s shit, but I have bills to pay and a career to maintain.

Our kids are older but I am trying not to feel guilty about working as and when I need to. I'm trying to start a bit earlier (no commute!!) and then play outside a bit with DS2 or play a game with him.

DS1 has a timetable we drew up but the amount of work set by school isn't that much so he's whizzing through it. There have been words / tears every day this week. Partly him adjusting to not seeing his friends.

I hear this- 5 and 3.5 year old. School sending a million emails a day containing work while I try to WFH.
I’ll be a gibbering wreck by September!

Us too. its relentless and the house looks like a tip (3 year old and 7 year old very active kids). its 18 hours days in the moment

I take my hat off to you all, seriously.

I’m childless but am becoming increasingly concerned that employers showing flexibility is being taken by them as an implicit way of forcing staff to be available 24/7. I’ve gone from working 9 hour days to 13 hour days, logging on in the evenings, late at night, etc. We’ve all now been told we’re on call each weekend as well. It’s like a total 180 on our employment contracts and I do worry that employers are taking advantage.

This is obviously easier to do when parents are juggling kids, as well, as you’re more likely to be working outside normal hours.

May I make a suggestion. I have 4 children. Before this and now my shifts started at 5pm until 2 am. Works brilliantly for us. Currently we are both wfh.

I spend day with kids and then work in the evening. It's very tiring but it's better to get your work done in one stint than constant intruptions and feeling like your being pulled every which way. Try it.

Get your Dh up with the kids and stay in bed til so sleep for you is 2 am until 8 or 9 am. Get your Dh work from say 10 til 5 take the kids out for a long walk to tire them if you can do this safely, then play at home. By 5 pm your kids should be in relax mode. Stick a film on while you make tea and then hand over to Dh to do bedtimes. Honestly we have been tag teaming like this for years and it's by far the most productive outcome.

When I say easier to do, I mean easier for employers to take advantage. Clearly the act of doing both childcare and work is not easier!!!

It's hard OP I feel for you! and I don't think it's sustainable without a bit of understanding and flexibility on the part of your employer. You are doing 2 jobs and it will take it's toll.

Disney+ is my new nanny - not great but necessary. My little one is 3 though and can at least focus on watching something I can see how an 18 month old would be relentless!!!

I hope you get some time to relax and unwind this weekend.

Imo, it's ridiculous expecting anyone to work 50 hours pw, every week, even when things are normal. I don't think most countries in Europe would tolerate it. That's why there's a working hours directive, ffs.

We all need work/life balance, and you don't get that by grafting 10 hours a day.

@raver84 what do you do??

I get emails throughout the day I need to respond to if I left them until 5pm it would be a disaster. My job is very much based on dealing with stuff immediately!

I totally get you. I’ve been working from home with a 2 and 4 year old and it’s been hell. Luckily I’ve just been furloughed.
I hope everyone in the same situation gets out of this ok ❤️

I hear you. I am having to wfm with a 7 year old and a 1 year old. I'm expected to be on the phone 8.45-4.45 mon-fri with a lunch break as normal. I work in a call centre for Local government and basically expected to sit on a laptop all day attached to a headset. My husband is a keyworker so just me with the kids and its impossible.

I'm a lone parent to a four year old. I usually do 25 hours a week, a lot of this is meetings, and these are still going ahead. It's taken DS and I a week to get into a kind of a routine and it's still far from perfect. What has made things slightly easier is that HR have issued guidelines saying that they understand people have caring responsibilities and expect productivity to be lower, but that we should work when we can. I have zero childcare options so I am putting my son first and doing enough work to keep my job. I am saying no to meetings that I think can manage without me and doing some meetings, those with close colleagues, with DS on my lap. I have accepted I won't do all my hours. I have guilt every day that I can't do justice to either work or DS. It's certainly not going to do me any favours in terms of career progression either. But I don't feel I'm left with much choice and at least it's not forever. I'm just trying to see the positives in that I still have a stable job and ds and I can spend much more time together, even if it's not every hour of the day.

Our schedule looks something like this:
7.00-8.30 breakfast and getting ready for the day
8.30-10.00 meetings for me, cbeebies and quiet play for ds. It's taken a lot to reinforce this with DS, but we are more or less on the same page now.
10-12 a reward type snack for letting mummy work and child centred play, ideally something very active like playing outside, trying to give him as much choice and control over this part of the day.
12-1 lunch and possibly some emails etc.
1-3 work on the sofa for me, ds watches his favourite film, lying next to me in a semi-sleepy state
3 - 7 more active play, crafts etc. dinner, bath, bedtime
8-9 (and only if I really have to) any pieces of work that need a bit more focussed attention.
Weekends - working on household chores together, baking together, resting and relaxing. We are both clear that weekends should be a work-free zone

Push back on your employer. Without knowing exactly what you do it’s hard to comment more but they have to understand this is a crisis and people can’t / no longer want to slog themselves half to death for a job.

In the office, do you honestly sit at your desk and only do work for 10 hours straight? Or do you have chats with colleagues? Stop to make tea?

In the same way kids don’t need to be ‘schooled’ from 9-3 to achieve the same outcome at home, having wfh myself for the last 4 years, I don’t need to be sat at a desk for 8 hrs to achieve what I would in an office working day.

You are choosing to work this hard - you can’t reduce your kids (!) but you may be able to reduce your workload. Be strong, be fair but push back.