Am I being unreasonable?

[gimmesunshine]

Back story: I've been married for approx 22 years, 2 kids (16 & 12), house, parents dead, over-thinker, extrovert-introvert, busy job, takes anti-depressants, likes wine.

Ok, that's a run- down of me and my family. Over the years my hubby has become a bit less understanding and easy-going. I've joked with the kids that he can be a bit grumpy but I've never under-mined him. I do like a glass or two of wine and this has never been an issue until he gave up drinking and then suddenly it's the devil. And yes, I do know i shouldn't drink whilst on anti-depressants but that's my issue and I'm controlling it.

Today i came home to my kids telling me that dad was moaning about my drinking and not doing anything around the house. WTF???.. I work all day and when I get home l sort out a tea for everybody - he doesn't cook (even though he can). I sort out the dish washer, clothes in the washer, wash dishes, sort out the pets and then sit down with a glass of wine before bed. But according to him I don't do anything.

He does these things as well, he also irons his own clothes (not the families), shops for his work food (but not a home shop) and thinks he does everthing around the home (l do nothing).

He hates if I cut my hair short (look like a lesbian); talk too loud (sound like a chav), criticise him in any way.

Before you might think I'm a doormat, I'm not. I'm constantly fighting this but.... is he right? I'm tired of this, I'm tired of being with someone who doesn't like who i am.

I asked my kids today if my drinking affects/upsets them and both said no.

Am l overthinking this as normal?

If anything, he sounds he doesn’t do anything unless it benefits him!

You’re ‘controlling’ your wine drinking while on anti-d’s?

So you’d usually drink more than a ‘couple of glasses of wine’ a night if you weren’t on anti-d’s? That’s a lot, especially if the glasses are the large size!

Sounds to me like you are drinking more than you should and are struggling to stop because you don’t want to and are looking for confirmation that you don’t have to, ie asking the kids.

Alcohol is a depressant. I can see that it would be a pain in the arse to have your husband telling you what to do now he’s all holier than thou, but he’s got a point.

You should stop drinking and help your body to get the best from the medication you are being given.

As for the rest of his griping I’d be making a list of all the chores and allocating fairly on a day to day basis so everyone can see who is doing what. So it’s fair and he can’t spout his nonsense.

Do your hair how you like. He may not be attracted to you right enough but it’s your choice.

I bet if ditched him your mh would improve immeasurably.