Please please be gentle.

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

Ok I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable here but if I am then can you tell me so gently?

I'm in a really difficult place at the moment with depression, anxiety and suspected PTSD. I've been having therapy since just before Christmas with a therapist who works from a home office sort of thing, I suppose I'd describe it as an annex. He lives in Enfield which is about 45 minutes drive.

I am struggling with the lockdown but complying and am having almost constant thoughts of suicide. I have them usually anyway but I'm really starting to scare myself.

My therapist has been continuing seeing me and has been a huge support and stabilising influence. He is happy to carry on as neither of us are symptomatic and I am able to stay 2 metres away and not touch anything while there. I am also living with a vulnerable person which makes it more risky but I go to the supermarket once a week for food and have been to the pharmacy for our medications which imo is more risky than going to therapy.

I just dont know whether it is still permissible to go? On the one hand it IS a medical appointment of sorts and if I don't then I WILL end up at A&E where I'm at far more risk of coming into contact with the virus but on the other hand I don't know if the police will agree should I get stopped at a roadblock. What would you do? Phone/online support is not an option due to the nature of the trauma, it would do far more harm than good.

Please go to therapy and look after yourself.

Hi OP, Just joining the throng to say yes, you must still go. You are allowed to go, both under the new emergency legislation and the latest government guidelines. It would be helpful to the police if you had an appointment card or letter to show if you are stopped, and your therapist should be able to provide this, or even an email or text if not. I imagine it would also reduce your anxiety if you had one too. I agree with others that you should be clear if asked that you are attending a prearranged essential medical appointment. If told to go home, say politely that you have checked and taken advice and it is definitely allowed under the current government guidelines. Take care.

Hi darling you poor thing to feel stressed and question this right now.

Yes it's essential.

Is your gp aware of your sessions? Can he/she give you a letter stating essential to continue. That you are both aware if any symptoms to keep apart.

You might feel more confident having that in your pocket.

Hugs to you. Keep going. Don't forget to post for support if you need it between sessions

My GP is probably overstretched as it is, I dont want to bother them to write a letter. I think I'll call him on Saturday and ask him if he can send me a text or email reminder of the appointment that I can show if they ask. I'm just hung up on whether they will consider what is basically counselling to be a medical appointment because technically you dont need a medical degree to become a psychotherapist. I doubt know this is probably anxiety talking and I'm worrying too much.

You definitely sound as though you’re worrying too much - it’s the kind of overthinking I specialise in. You are unlikely to get stopped, and it is a medical appointment, nobody is going to quibble over qualification level, you’re not having a party.

You're likely right. Overthinking is my superpower 😂 you work in mental health I take it? Or you're an over thinker too?

Look worst case scenario is a £30 fine. Honestly.

It’s about managing risk. You’re managing a risk to your life. Hugs to you and keep going x

Hugs.

I am also a big over thinker and always hate to bother anyone.

You're important. And your mental health is important.

How would you feel about calling the police station and verifying with them?

As an anxiety person myself, I am just suggesting ways to try put this to bed for you so you don't have to keep worrying about it xx hugs again. You're doing so well and so brave

Hi OP from close to Enfield! Currently the police are more concerned about speeding and groups of kids hanging around. With quiet roads it’s bringing out the idiot drivers! They caught someone at 134MPH last night. So I’m sure you will be fine

I don't work in mental health - just a long term overthinker! Good luck op.

You're all right, I'm giving this too much thought. I'll just go as normal and hope I dont get stopped. I'll ask him for a text reminder just in case I do. Thanks everyone

I know there are exceptions but on the whole the police are a bit more aware of mental health issues these days than they used to be, both in their own ranks and with the general public. Good luck OP.

I went to have a blood test yesterday. It was done at my surgery. I walked there. If they hadn’t been able to do it, I would have to get on a bus and travel for 60 minutes each way to the local hospital, which does blood tests. It is a necessary part of my medical care.

Your appointment is part of your medical care. It’s no different. Try not to worry and go.

I can't go now anyway. He isn't able to use the annex for the foreseeable. Can't see him now until the lockdown is over and he is able to rent somewhere or have work done to it. How I'm going to cope, I don't know. Not his fault but unbelievably shit timing.

Spring is coming. Is there anywhere outside, in a park or something you could use. Do you have a garden? He would be allowed to come to you to provide essential medical care. Perhaps talk to a hotel or something that might have a conference room you could use. Churches have closed for the time being. If you contacted a vicar could you use an empty church?

You need this care. Perhaps you and he need to think “out of the box”.

Good luck.

He's looked into it but has said we'll just have to suspend sessions, there's nothing I can do.

OP, I really feel for you. Is there anything other than the therapy that’s helped you in the past?

Please remember that the Samaritans are always there if you are on the edge - and even when you’re not.

Do you have any tactics that you can use to distract or soothe yourself?

You are a special and unique person and your life is precious and valuable.

Keep going... you are doing the right thing 💐

Sorry, just seen your update. The lock down will finish and you will start again. Hang in there 💐

I would go

Please still go and just keep practising safe distancing, not touching anything unnecessarily and wash you hands on arrival, before you leave and again when you get home. You are having necessary treatment.

Thank you. And no, not really, nothing that is going to get me through a 3 week lockdown. It might even be extended. I dont know how they expect people to deal with this for weeks on end when we've already been isolating ourselves. Humans are social animals and throw in mental health problems and some extensive abandonment issues, no ones coming out the other side of this in one piece.

Okay. I have a few suggestions for you. They will probably sound trite and patronising but come from experience.

1. Forget three weeks, forget that this might be extended. Take it one day at a time. If that’s too hard, one hour at a time.
2. Find some things to do that can be done in an agitated mental state. For me, jigsaws and colouring helped pass time.
3. Accept that you feel the way you do right now. These feelings won’t last for ever any more than the lockdown will.
4. Put some basic self care stuff into practice. For example, agree with yourself that each day you’ll get up, have a wash, clean your teeth. Take your medication if any. You’ll eat. If you can, you’ll go for a short walk in the fresh air. Really basic stuff but don’t neglect it.
5. If you’re able to, choose some audio books (audible is fantastic) or tv programmes to watch. These help time pass. If you can’t concentrate, the time is still passing.
6. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend or even a loved pet.
7. It’s a cliche I know, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things change, life changes, you’re taking steps to help yourself. Stay safe