AIBU or is it not acceptable these days...

[Pickles89]

to refer to black people as 'The Blacks'?

I've just had a massive row with my parents. My mum was enthusing over a film they watched last night, and saying how positive it was that The Blacks were well represented, with A Black as one of the main characters. Not, 'black people' or 'a black person' but The Blacks. It made me feel tense and uncomfortable and I pointed out that it's not 'done' to talk like that in this day and age. She turned round and gave me a bollocking saying that it's the meaning behind terms you use that's important, and how you treat people, not how you refer to them, and that she and the rest of her white, middle-class generation (her words) won't be 'corrected' by their children.

Now she's not talking to me. Wonderful. The thing is it made me uncomfortable, and I could imagine using such language might not go down too well in wider society either. It's true that she wasn't saying anything derogatory about black people, quite the opposite, but I still felt I should made her aware. AIBU, or am I being oversensitive and officiously 'PC'?

Why isn’t black ok? Why does black make you uncomfortable?

I'm probably the same age as some of the grandparents who are mentioned. I've no problem with saying someone is a black woman, or man. 'Blacks' - no way. BAMER is different, I wouldn't use it when describing someone in the way I'd call them a black person, however if I had to describe a group of non white British people I'd probably use it.

However, I worked in the public sector, and we were made aware of changes in terminology. I didn't find it hard to stop using the words of my childhood once I realised the connotations. Many older people will avoid using descriptors because they don't now what is acceptable. Others however don't care and just say what they want.

Btw BAMER stands for Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and Refugee.

I really worry that I won't stay up to date with acceptable terms as I get older.

YANBU, they should be referred to as BAMEs nowadays though older people still use terms like "black" rather than this more "pc" catch-all.

WTF?

As a black person I find it quite funny 😂 I’m sure she didn’t mean it spitefully and what matters more is your intention

I’m pretty sure just black isn’t ok either. At least it makes me feel uncomfortable

Why?

Every single black person I know would choose ‘black’ as a term to identify with. I include myself in that btw.

Wow only just learned the term BAME.

That seems really derogatory to me - clubbing them all together apart from whites?!

Don't like the term at all. Seems racist

BAME is a ridiculous term since it lumps in different groups.

Your mum obviously meant no harm, in fact she was being positive but I would cringe to hear that too. I would have said, "Mum! Say 'Black people', please, not 'Blacks', they are individuals", and then left it.

Your mum may be of the generation who said, "Coloured"; I still hear that sometimes, makes me think of purple and green, always did - and I'm seventy.

I jave to be honest here.....Mother would no longer be allowed around me or my children. Saying "The Blacks" is just as racist as saying another very bad word. If my younger children picked that up and said in school......It would be very dangerous to their safety

Certain words have negative historical connotations for very valid reasons, and I also think using “The « as a prefix is offensive as it suggests «other « or « separate from «
Those things are set in history and can’t be altered I believe, but other changes in how language is used and received will always be fluid and acceptable terms will change constanly.
Someone earlier mentioned « half caste» as a once acceptable term, I have been taught that « mixed heritage « is acceptable, only to understand later that « dual heritage « is the preferred terminology.
I am still learning..

BAME is awful

@OchAyeThaNoo Oh hell no

Btw BAMER stands for Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and Refugee

I was about to post what is BAMER
so thanks, never heard the term in AUS

Nothing wrong with BME in a report for example. It's not offensive by any means, but just strange to call someone BME. For reference, I'm in this group, and I wouldn't take offence. Better than 'the blacks' anyway!

YANBU. Imagine you had this conversation in a public space and were overheard by others? I would be terribly embarrassed and ashamed. Fair enough that she wasn't intending to be derogatory but that terminology is nowadays. It's like calling someone 'coloured'. Once accepted but not now. It's sad that she's made the conversation all about her not being corrected by you rather than learning how to address black people in a non derogatory way in the 21st Century. I wouldn't be talking to her right now tbh.

Is BAME an actual word? Would anyone care to answer?

No bame isn't a word it's an acronym. Black, Asian and minority ethnic I think is what it stands for.

I was about to post what is BAMER, so thanks, never heard the term in AUS

I was wondering also - never heard the term in NZ either

My ex partner, daughters father is Bengali ( British born ) and I’m white British so our daughter is mixed race ( 10 year old ).
If I’m being honest he is racist .
I have heard him call other Bengali’s ( freshies) and refer to people from Pakistan as pakies.??
So where do you go with that ?

@PlanDeRaccordement You're obviously talking about America. 'Black' has never been a racist word in the UK. 'The blacks', on the other hand, is racist.

is WASE (white and single ethnicity) an acronym all you white people who use BAME are happy with ?

Some idioms and phrases are ingrained and people don't stop using them.
The worst I have heard is the saying the n*** in the woodpile. I pointed out it wasn't acceptable these days and was met with a haughty, I am not racist-I can say what I like attitude. I refused to deal with this person again (it was at work).

You were not unreasonable

“The blacks” would make me feel uncomfortable being referred to.