Should I complain or just let it go during this stressful time?

[Honeysucklecastle]

I help a 90 year old lady round the corner from me, I walk her dog every morning.
She has no family and is lonely and vulnerable.
I usually pop in when I collect the dog have a nice chat and chat again when I drop the dog back but obviously, like everyone I am socially distancing and due to her age I do not want to put her at risk so I now stand at her doorway and talk to her that way (2 meters).
Yesterday whilst I was chatting she nodded her head to get me to see behind me. The post man was standing there (not saying anything but looking very pissed off). I politely said ‘oh let me move so I can keep my distance lol’, he snapped ‘yes you must’ and rolled his eyes then proceeded to bark at the lady ‘STAND RIGHT BACK FROM THE DOOR, YOU MUST KEEP RIGHT BACK!’ and then threw the post down at her feet!
As he walked past me I said ‘Oh you could have said that a little bit nicer’ and he span round and shouted ‘I am only doing my job I NEED to socially distance myself’ and I said ‘Yes I appreciate that but you could have said it nicer!’ He carried on shouting ‘I NEED to keep my distance, my wife works in a care home, I am JUST doing my job!!’. I said that we were all in the same position and that he wasn’t the only one and I was just saying he could have been a little nicer to the old lady.
He then walked off pushing his trolley and shouted back at me ‘well you’ve obviously got out the wrong side of the bed today’!!
My lady was shocked and looked scared.
DH says I should complain to the post office but I just want to let it go, although I am so annoyed he spoke to a vulnerable 90 year old lady like that.

He was a bit abrupt to start with ('bark' not scream or shout). It was the OP who riled him by making unnecessary comments about his manner, when she should have realised he might be stressed. She should have realised he's having to deliver to people who aren't keeping their distance or who are treating it as a big of a joke. ('‘oh let me move so I can keep my distance lol’ .... he got my sympathy at that 'lol')

Let it go OP. My DH is a postie and you wouldn't believe the pressures they're under. People don't care or seem to realise they're people too. All many care about is why their post was late, why so and so hasn't received her card yet (duh because a percentage of the RM are off sick! The rest are left to pick up the pieces!). People don't always move out the way for him. Many are rude and take their own stress out on him. And he has me a pregnant, immune suppressed wife at home and baby. I don't blame that postie for being annoyed.

Bit, not big joke.

He may well be an unpleasant man. Plenty of people are. That would make him more likely to be rude, generally. He didn't need to snap at you both today.

But these are exceptional circumstances and many people are wound pretty tight. His manager doesn't need the hassle of a complaint tbh. He'd just say it was necessary because you were getting too close anyway.

So accept it was annoying and get on with your day (as you are). I'm sorry he was unnecessarily unpleasant to you both. And I hope your old lady hasn't done herself any real damage falling

I had the same with a delivery driver..i opened the door expecting him to put it down on the floor for me to pick up but he barked at me to shut the door so he can put it on the ground not sure why the door had to be shut .... He was a good 10/15 feet away from me

As I've said Iam not going to complain, it was dh who suggested it (dh is frontline and gets abuse left right and centre but would never talk to an old lady like that). I too am a frontline worker, I am a carer for the disabled. I don't understand why pp are saying I was rude, I was standing up for an old, lonely and scared lady. I am extremely stressed atm like everyone else, I have very unwell parents who I am worried about but I wouldn't speak to someone like he did, there is no excuse for that, we have other postmen in the village and they aren't like that.
I won't complain but I still think he is being an arse.

You weren't rude, but you - doubtless from good intentions - exacerbated the situation by ticking him off.

I think everyone needs to be kinder in this scenario... Too many people aren't taking social distancing seriously... No one knows anyone else's situation... He probably shouldn't have shouted at the old lady.. He might have thought your comment about keeping your distance was sarcastic... He probably is working twice as hard as ever... Deep breaths. The fact is he is handling potentially contaminated items everyday... (it can stay active on card for 2 days it is believed).

Honeysucklecastle you are so kind helping the old lady. I hooe she is ok.
You say he's grumpy at the best of times and now he's stressed re social distancing and worrying re his wife's work st the care home. Will she catch it there, carry it in, will he catch it and pass it to her.
Perhaps he has an underlying medical condition or has dc with underlying conditions.
Let it go.

Anyway, hope your old lady is ok, and you are clearly a good person with good intentions.

Honestly, who gives a shit.

People are dying. People are being selfish twats and increasing the death rate. The postman’s manners fell below your expectations.

Your needling of him whilst trying to do his job probably irritated him just as much as he did you. Move on.

Complaints won’t be even looked at tbh

Nothing would come of it so it will be a waste of time

@Honeysucklecastle. You are one of the good ones in life, helping a lonely, isolated lady.
Sorry this was a bad experience for you both. It just shows the importance of treating everyone kindly and how much more important it is in these stressful times.

Anyone who would complain about it is a bit of a prick really.

Given its from your perspective, I tend to assume you were probably more rude than you've said and he was probably less rude than you've said.

Either way, you had no need to start an altercation with what you've clearly described as someone who's incredibly stressed.

I wouldn't say anything, it's clear the stress is getting to him like so many people. He's probably sick of people not following the rules. Still an arse though

His problem is he is a key worker and probably pissed that you are supposed to be in your house not outside talking to your neighbours (however well meaning) while he is trying to go about his business without encountering people who should know better.

The people on here saying cut the postie some slack maybe need to take their own advice with the way they're talking to the OP. EVERYONE is stressed atm. Of course frontline workers are receiving the brunt of the pressure but nobody knows others' situations (the OP has subsequently said both her and her dh are also frontline workers) so just think before you jump to criticise.

I actually dont think hes done anything wrong.
and actually, okay he might of said all that but the 90 year old lady is a higher risk category presumably, so it's good hes taking the distancing seriously.
to complain and attempt to damage someones job, maybe even get them fired in the current climate, over this is extremely unfair and unreasonable.

let it go.

I totally get that frontline workers of all stripes are exposed, vulnerable and under stress, but I don't think it is acceptable to be downright rude, especially if in a situation where people are following instructions and acknowledging the situation.

Yesterday a doctors receptionist on the phone with my very stoic and undemanding terminally ill mother reduced her to tears because the internal communication at the surgery had broken down and when my Mum was explaining that she was sending samples to the surgery via myself as instructed by the doctors for the second time because they weren't labelled and sent correctly at the end of last week, and was concerned she may have internal bleeding so wanted advice from a GP about stopping blood thinners, the receptionist just kept giving her the Spanish Inquisition and saying that doctors couldn't be disturbed from their important work for something like that. It too my Mum getting really upset for a telephone appointment to be set up - she is on a special list for this as is housebound and has only used it when she is really concerned - eg suspected cellulitis advised by the community nurse requiring antibiotics.

When I went up to the surgery with the samples, the same receptionist was equally rude and obstructive to my face (masked, obviously, as I am shielding), and when as instructed I asked to pick up paper prescriptions we had been told were ready for us for controlled drugs that cannot be sent electronically, before I could get my sentence out she barked at me I would have to go home and ring in about that. I am ashamed to say I raised my voice and was very firm - the situation was resolved correctly and while my Mum hasn't made a complaint, she has spoken to the Practice manager who has agreed this was out of order - she explained the low staffing levels they are working under but still said it was no excuse and will be having a general chat - if this sort of approach can be taken and allow stressed staff to air their fears and needs to help them work through this, it may be beneficial to them as well, rather than formal complaints.

In our case, worst situation is my Mum delaying calling in for palliative support when she needs it, and things that could be managed easily at home become a problem that require more serious and precious resources. She really was left feeling as if she's been written off because she doesn't have CV19. That sucks.

As for the postie, hopefully he'll feel a bit better soon, and I am sorry that this damn virus is causing so much angst for everyone x It is so sad - best wishes to the OP and the lady she is supporting xxx

I have 'spoken to people like that' before. Maybe 2 or 3 times, most of the time I Control my stresses and strains but on the 2 or 3 times it happened the person in the receiving end really had pushed the boat out. If I had my time again with them I wouldn't change what I did.
Sometimes the public can just push to far and everyone can be that final nail in the coffin or that straw that breaks the camels back. Just think of all the crap he's taken over a period of time for him to eventually snap. No one is that saintly, let him be human and look at the bigger picture.