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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking family to stay away during lockdown

35 replies

SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 04:13

I have a 7 month old boy and my in laws usually come to visit everyday. I would love a break from them but understand they love their first nephew/grandson so leave it be. However after Covid19 I was hoping they would scale back the visits for obvious reasons. Long story short my mil has decided to stay with us after the lockdown was announced, again I wasn't happy with this but let it be. But now my husband's sister and father still insist on visiting daily. Today I was so annoyed that they are ignoring government advice and asked them not to visit which didn't go down well...husbands sisters excuse was we literally got in the car and came here so what's the issue. Am I being unreasonable and over the top?

OP posts:
PollyPocketLucyLocket · 26/03/2020 04:19

YANBU at all.

What has your husband said about this all?

Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 04:33

They have a pretty strained relationship so he has tried hinting for them to not visit but short of having an argument and telling them not to visit (which they will take as 'we don't ever want to see you again') they don't seem to understand.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 26/03/2020 04:37

My brother told my parents that if they got sick they'd be using up the bed of a young person. That did it.
Yadnbu

Soon2BeMumof3 · 26/03/2020 04:37

Good god. They're nuts. They're overbearing. They have no boundaries and are holding you hostage with the threat of their irrational explosive reactions.

Even without Covid 19- this is insane.

Shut it down.

Tell your husband he needs to step up and protect his family. You and the baby should be his priority.

Pixxie7 · 26/03/2020 04:38

Tell them they are actually breaking the law.

PollyPocketLucyLocket · 26/03/2020 04:47

I think ideally that your husband needs to step up here.
He is allowing them to walk all over your wishes.
Send MIL home, and tell her to stay their. Its not an essential trip to visit you, and therefore not allowed.
Interested to know if your SIL is out and about usually?
Tell them your following government guidelines. They are putting you all at risk here.

PollyPocketLucyLocket · 26/03/2020 04:47

There*

Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 04:49

Soon as they arrived my mil did say did no one stop you and sil said no one has time to check where we are going. Chill nothing is going to happen!

My Mil seems to totally get it and too be honest as she is in the vulnerable category I prefer she is with us as i think we will shield her better than my fil and sil would. I have said if anything happens you are on your own, no one is riding the ambulance with you or coming to visit. We will be at home waiting for that phone call to say you have recovered or didn't make it, simple as!

However they all seem powerless against sils narcissism and just wont call her out on her behaviour including this. When the lockdown was announced (they were at our house) my fil left and did say oh well we will facetime so I assume he had every intention of staying at home but feel like sil has convinced him it's ok!

OP posts:
sneeuw · 26/03/2020 04:53

They're breaking the law and who is paying the £1000 if a neighbour rightly gets pissed off and calls the police?

Or call the police and tell them you have someone who is not a member of your household who won't stay away from you! Grin

I'm betting too that if your DH had the argument, they'd go off and sulk, but they'd not totally disappear. They are too involved in your lives to abruptly stop. And he could also say that you can Skype daily so they'll all get to see baby - which nobody will get to do if they - or baby - end up in hospital.

sneeuw · 26/03/2020 04:54

Cross post

Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 04:54

Before the lockdown sil was popping to the shops daily to pick up food. DH told her that was unnecessary and should make least trips as possible. Her response was well if that's what you want to do that's your business 🤦‍♀️

This is the reason I don't mind mil being here at least she won't be convinced to be out and about unnecessarily

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 05:02

Haha I thought about the police but they have better things to do then get involved in my domestics haha. And you are right they would sulk, my husband would be upset because he doesn't like to upset people and they will eventually get over it and resume service.

On the odd occasion in the past when they cant make it they facetime so I can't see why they can't continue to do this just until all this calms down!

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 05:03

Thank you everyone, at least I know I'm not being the 'Covid Police' and am well within my rights to ask them to stay away for the time being

OP posts:
WalkingInTheAir13 · 26/03/2020 05:13

Even without Covid 19- this is insane.

Exactly this.

MsChatterbox · 26/03/2020 05:13

Sorry, lock the doors and don't let them in. Tell them you are following government protocol. My in laws saw my son at lot before too but they haven't seen him in ages now (I started social distancing before lockdown) so facetime him instead.

BramwellBrown · 26/03/2020 05:17

It is lockdown, YANBU in the slightest!

Your in in laws are fucking idiots. We are in lock down because people were too stupid to follow advice, who else have they got in the car and gone to visit? are they 100% sure they are clear? I mean symptoms take time to show up, not all carriers show symptoms. You are absolutely right to be pissed off but please don't leave it down to your husband needs to step up as per the usual MN line.

Please just don't answer the door, tell your MIL to go home, if your husband doesn't like it he can go stay with them. They are putting you and DS at risk. Their feelings are not as important as your health and there is no way they are 100% certain they are not infected/carriers.

My mum is terminally ill, she will probably die before we get back to normal, but I can't visit her because she lives with my dad and my siblings and seeing her is not worth putting them at risk. It is fucking hard not seeing the people you love but putting someone at risk rather than waiting is so selfish that you have to question whether they actually love him. He's 7 months old so he won't know who visited and when so it is for their benefit not his and nobody who actually loves someone would put them in danger for their own selfish reasons!

Original poster
SleepyKYP · 26/03/2020 05:45

Bramwell brown I am so sorry to hear about your mum. This is such a difficult time for so many people puts my silly issues into perspective!

They have a key (was for emergencies and for my fil to potter about the garden whilst we were at work) but since my son was born they decided it's ok to just let themselves in now. Just writing this I wonder how I let them get so comfortable. I guess on some level I hoped by making them feel welcome they wouldn't feel threatened to give us space if that makes sense. Well that has royally backfired.

I will for sure stand my ground! I for one am taking this very seriously and will continue to stay at home as I have for the last 2 weeks.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 26/03/2020 05:59

Hi OP

You are right, they are bonkers and SIL and FIL are endangering you all, especially MIL and your baby. Lock and bolt the door from the inside. Tell them “If you really love us, you won’t come while lockdown is in place”. Get MIL to tell them the same thing.

Tell your husband if it comes down to a choice between them flouncing off and a killer virus then you’re clear about priorities. He shouldn’t hesitate in supporting you. Show him this thread if you need to. Good luck....

Penners99 · 26/03/2020 06:10

You don't ask, you TELL THEM. Threaten them with Police if necessary. FFS, people are STUPID!

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 26/03/2020 06:22

Don't open the door to them. End of.

Jenny70 · 26/03/2020 06:25

Even if they have a key, you can put the chain on, or put a wood/rubber wedge under the door, with a sign on door... Covid isolation in place to protect vulnerable residents. Please ring bell and leave deliveries on doorstep. No entry, no exceptions.

7yo7yo · 26/03/2020 07:35

Send MIL home.
Look after your child first.

7yo7yo · 26/03/2020 07:36

Posted too soon. Lock the door from the inside/leave the key in the lock.
They are putting you all at risk.

incognitomum · 27/03/2020 12:03

So are they staying away?

Palavah · 27/03/2020 12:11

Tell them not to come round until lockdown is over

Leave the key on the inside of the door. Bolt /chain the door if necessary or stick a chair underneath it.

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