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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I'm going to lose my mind!!!

13 replies

stilltiredinthemorning · 25/03/2020 21:40

About 2 months ago my 4 year old stopped wanting to/being able to go to sleep at bedtime. She also wakes several times in the night and then gets up for the day at around 5.30am. Until now she has always been a very good sleeper and apart from a slight blip in the summer when the light evenings confused her, has basically gone to bed at 7.30 without difficulty and slept until 6.30 at the earliest for years.

She is not a child that doesn't need much sleep and consequently her behaviour during the day is also very draining. She is incredibly clingy with me, battles every single thing she is asked to do and is terrible at sharing with her little brother.

I am now sleeping in her room as it means that when she wakes she pretty much goes straight back to sleep so at least we're not all getting up and down in the night. I know this is not ideal but after around 4 weeks of 2-3 hours of sleep a night it was all we were left with.

So today she woke up at around 5.30 and has stuck to me like glue all day, even though her little brother and Dad have also been around the whole time she has even made a fuss when I go to the toilet. She has always been very close to her Dad, but recently completely rejects him and will only have me. It then took me 2 hours of sitting in her bedroom ignoring her but putting her back to bed every single time she got up to get her to sleep. By this time she is so over tired she is literally bouncing off the walls (and jumping on the bed, pulling all the clothes out of her wardrobe etc etc).

I now have about an hour before I will have to go back to bed in her room. My blood pressure must be through the roof from being trapped in a dark room with her, pretending to be calm, not being able to read or think whilst she does everything in her power to wind me (and herself) up . Then I will start it all over again in the morning.

We have tried everything. They have a very healthy diet, a predictable routine, limited screen time, lots of fresh air and exercise (v big garden next to woods). We've tried extra nurture, tough love, breathing exercises/meditation, talking about thoughts and feelings, special 1:1 play time etc etc.

I actually feel like if this goes on for much longer I will have a nervous breakdown. My husband is great but it is obviously very difficult for him too and there is a limited amount he can do to help as she completely refuses to let him do anything for her. Has this happened to anyone else, did it stop? How did you cope?

It just seems to have come out of nowhere.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 25/03/2020 22:10

Is she ok? Are you absolutely sure that nothing has happened to her to cause this behaviour. I would be worried about a very sudden change in behaviour like this tbh.

Also, look at the list of things you've tried in 2 months! You need to pick a lane and stick with it, none of it will work immediately and changing approach so frequently is only going to make it worse.

stilltiredinthemorning · 25/03/2020 22:30

I have been really worried that something could have happened to her, but I'm as sure as I can be that nothing has. I know sometimes 'small' things can upset children, so it's possible that she's been teased at pre-school or something similar, but nothing that she's been able to tell me about and I've had lots of conversations with pre-school too.

I'm wondering if it's more that she's had a bit of a developmental leap, her expressive language skills have really increased over the last few weeks and she is tossing and turning a lot at night, so I think she's having lots of dreams. She seems determined not to go to sleep. She says 'I'm going to stay awake Mummy' and then does everything she can to stimulate herself - talking, singing dancing about etc.

I think you're definitely right that we've tried too many things. I'm an over-thinker at the best of times...

OP posts:
peacebypeace · 25/03/2020 22:33

Could she be having bad dreams which have frightened her?

Fresh01 · 25/03/2020 22:39

Has she had a bad dream or a sad dream with real people in her life that has scared her? But she doesn’t remember all the details to say what happened?

Has anyone in the family or family friend died over the last few months? Could she have overheard a conversation? My granny died when my eldest was 9 but it was about 2 months later she had trouble sleeping and times where she would appear next my bedside at night with her heartbeat racing. She never gets up at night. Took a lot of talking through over 4-6 weeks but the route cause was as my granny had died (old age and was 93 but got ill and died in the space of a week) she was worried I would die and she might not be with me and she may be left alone, despite 3 siblings and her dad.

Just an idea.

stilltiredinthemorning · 25/03/2020 22:41

Yes perhaps peace she wakes up with a cry but goes straight back to sleep when she sees I'm there.

I think it's a vicious cycle because she's getting more and more over tired and she's definitely a tired and wired kind of child. Sometimes it's like she just doesn't know what to do with herself, she just can't lie still.

OP posts:
stilltiredinthemorning · 25/03/2020 22:50

I think something may well be worrying her, but she may not even quite know what it is. She is only just 4 and quite young for her age, so her language skills aren't really good enough to explain complex feelings.

No one in the family has died and there haven't been any really big changes I can think of - apart from in the last couple of weeks obviously!

She is sad that pre-school is closed but loves hanging out with her little brother. We haven't really talked about what is going on with her yet as she seems so unsettled already, but maybe we should have. She will obviously start to notice soon that she isn't seeing friends etc. but isn't the sort of child who tends to verbalise these things.

OP posts:
fizzandchips · 25/03/2020 23:11

Having previously slept for 11-12hrs a night, she must be exhausted and over tired.

Without knowing if any underlying reasons why this has suddenly happened there are at least a couple of things to try.
Tomorrow choose a couple of teddies to share your day with...include them in some activities.
At bed time don’t talk about going to sleep, instead talk about going to bed. Make a big fuss about how lucky we are to have lovely warm, cosy beds. Tell her she can relax and lie quietly (again don’t mention sleeping) include teddies in the routine. After a story or breathing exercises and Just as you go to leave ask her; “oh, will you take care of this for me and give it to me in the morning?” and leave a jumper or t-shirt or blanket or pillow of yours with her. Tell her you hope teddies have a good rest and you are grateful to her for looking after your cardigan/jumper etc.
Psychology you are removing the “get to sleep” message which is something she’s failing at and separates her from you and you are not leaving her alone ;she has the teddies and you are reassuring her you will see her in the morning because she has to give you back your item.
Good luck OP.

NuffSaidSam · 25/03/2020 23:12

If you're sure (and I'm sorry to even mention this but...) that nothing has happened with DH, that she has no reason to reject him then I wouldn't let her play you off against each other. Take yourself out of the equation and she'll have to deal with daddy.

Then be firm, but also calm and consistent (easier said than done). Agree a system that works for you and then stick with it. With bedtime I would explain to her that you will stay with her but she must lay down and be still. If she gets up to mess around, leave the room.

Does she have a night light, white noise, special teddy etc?

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 25/03/2020 23:18

Has she just realised that the rest of the world goes on & does exciting things (including mummy) while she is asleep missing out on it all?

I would cosleep so you’re sleeping comfortably & talk to her about what you do when she is asleep. Mummy will sit in x room with daddy then come to bed to cuddle you /whatever.

(Audio book/podcast is the only thing that saved my sanity for long bedtimes)

rosiejaune · 25/03/2020 23:32

Try taking her to the toilet in the middle of the night. have always taken my daughter some time between 00:00-02:00, when I go to bed. The couple of occasions I haven't been able to for some reason, she woke up at 04:00-06:00 for the day. Normally she wakes up between 08:00-09:00.

Needing the toilet might be what is waking her at 05:30, and by that time of the morning, when her sleep drive is lower, she might find it difficult to go back to sleep again so stays awake for the day.

Qgardens · 25/03/2020 23:40

Reward charts?

Gemma2019 · 25/03/2020 23:45

Has she been having more milk or dairy than before?

Stroller15 · 25/03/2020 23:52

I can't see you mentioned it in your OP, but how old is her little brother? I can imagine you must be at the absolute end of your tether OP Flowers

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