COVID-19 - To be happy I won't be able to have any visitors in hospital or at home. (35 weeks pregnant)

[Lauracrazygirl]

I'm a first time mum and like all mums in the UK, I've been told I can't have visitors in hospital and husband can't stay over night in post natal.

At first I was sad but now that I really think about it, It might be a blessing in disguise. My sisters and friends who are mothers have confessed to me that they hated in influx of visitors they had in hospital and at home.

I feel bad about not accepting visitors (even though its not my choice) at home. As it's my husband's family first gran child but the idea of having a couple of weeks at home just with my baby, hubby and no visitors actually seems really appealing.

Does anyone feel the same? or am I being a bit mean to be secretly happy about the arrangement?

Don't feel bad about it. The fourth trimester is an important time to bond and heal. I'm so sorry that you felt that you couldn't have made the decision on your own for what you want and have to rely on the Corona restrictions to get what you need for you and your baby. Everyone else will get over it

Its normal id just not say it out loud out of sensitivity to others.

I must say I hated hospital visitors but I loved having visitors at home, that being said we both have smaller families and both are very respectful and considerate. I do understand that people with bigger families that don’t respect boundaries quite so much may be dreading the influx! Either way you’re not wrong or strange, very normal really. Congratulations as well by the way, I hope birth goes smoothly for you

I'd have been very happy with that. I remember my in laws insisting they couldn't wait until after their holiday and being really stressed about going overdue and having to accommodate them before I was ready.

I'd also be relieved not to have men on postnatal overnight. Single women or second and third time mums may not be able to have someone accompany them and the presence of these men can make some extremely uncomfortable.

Yesssss! I'm 35 weeks this Friday and I feel exactly the same OP! Infact, I've been trying to work out how to tell close family l didn't want any hospital visitors for some time now so I'm pleased I don't have to be guilt tripped into it.

Every cloud

My mum who is 60 and a nurse is totally in favour of men not being allowed to stay over night in post natal period.

She was ranting to me yesterday how she has always felt it is a breach of the mother's privacy to allow men to stay over night in a ward of 4 or 6 beds. In her words "hospitals are not hostels, you dont know who these men are"

My friend who was in a post natal ward of 6 beds said she felt very self conscious as her husband wasn't able to be there and there were 5 men, some just sleeping in a t-shirt and boxers or just walking around, while she was getting up to use the loo.

I'm quite relaxed but I can see her point, I wouldn't choose to sleep in a mixed sex hostel so why do we expect women who have just given birth to do so.

Resetting expectations for hospital visitors to all wards may be a good thing to come out of that. The open all hours that is has been is not good for many patients.

I feel very sad my parents won’t meet their grandchild right away

But baffling that anyone would have visitors to hospital anyway tbh.

I now have a two-week old and while I didn’t want visitors straight-away, the prospect of not being able to introduce my baby to my parents (who are several hours away in London) for months/a year (?) is awful. It also means no swimming, baby massage, cafe trips with mum friends - all in all, a very isolated maternity leave. I do get of course why this is all necessary but this is going to be going on for much longer than just escaping other farting, snoring men on the ward and your broody MIL on day 1.

Personally am feeling sad not being able to have anyone over to see baby when he arrives (he's due anytime, in fact he's currently late). My brother and his family can't visit. My sister and family can't visit, my sister was going to come over for a few days to help me out after baby but now won't come. Everyone is excited for me and would have loved to have them over.

Just to say, in hospital, I wouldn't really be up for visits. But at home, I was looking forward to.........

After all 3 of mine I would have missed the friends and family visitors at home, I don't get this "cocoon up with my own little family" you see on here. But I would have been able to say if I felt someone overstayed their welcome.

@Bug8

my sister was going to come over for a few days to help me out after baby but now won't come.

That's a really good point, if I am struggling then I can't have anyone come over to help me or give me a break 🙁
Don't get me wrong, I like having visitors, its just I have a huge family and circle of friends so it would be like over 20 people coming round.
I agree that grandparents will feel this distancing the most, especially my MIL as this is her first grandchild Hopefully by the end of May this social distancing will be over.

Hmm after all of mine I’ve enjoyed two or three days in my own little bubble but after that I’ve been desperate to get out and about. I think for a couple of days it’s good but after that it can feel quite isolating. That’s just based on my own experience though. As you have no choice though you may as well enjoy it and make the most of the enforced bubble time!

I'm only 17 weeks pregnant, but am absolutely LOVING the imposed distance from my overbearing mother! I'm also dodging the inevitable moronic chat from people when they see a baby bump.

In the weeks/months ahead it will be interesting to hear women's thoughts and experiences of men free wards. There were no men allowed when I had my babies and I have to say I quite enjoyed my hospital stays. It was nice being cocooned in a mum and baby bubble, sharing a couple of days with other new mums. Post natal wards used to be places
of calm and loveliness - nothing like the manic places they are these days.

However, I think it will be sad not to be able to show off baby. Visitors were always given a very warm welcome from me both in hospital and later at home.

I think pram walks in the park are still allowed so that is definitely one thing to look forward to.

I’m pregnant too and am really upset I won’t be able to have visitors or my husband over to stay. My Dad is vulnerable and likely won’t be able to visit and meet the baby for a long time. I loved having family and visitors over last time and getting out and about and doing baby classes and walks and the odd nice pub lunch. It’s nothing in comparison to what many people are going through with Coronavirus but I feel very sad this birth and maternity leave won’t be the same.