Please tell me the truth.

[Amicondescending]

I know stress levels are through the roof, but this is an ongoing issue and I honestly don't know if I'm in the wrong.
A bit of background info-
I have a neuro immune disease and am bedbound, I'm really limited with what I can do, hypersensitive to noise, vibration, light, smell, etc.
I have support workers 40hours a week & hubby cares for me & our son who developed the same disease & is mostly housebound & our daughter who's in year 3. Hubby also has some health problems and to be honest I believe he has depression but he's furious I've even suggested it and throws it at me whenever we have an disagreement.
He constantly puts us first and is mostly very thoughtful and kind. He's always been my rock. We've had a horrific few years with one thing after another & have gone NC with my family because of the way they treated my hubby, they didn't like that he gave me the confidence to stand up to them & not be walked all over. The things they said really damaged his self esteem which was already low & his behaviour has changed he always thinks people are thinking badly of him.
I wake to see DD off to school & then have dinner together & spend the evening with her in my bedroom whilst hubby sits in the lounge, DS joins me after dinner till his bedtime. My support workers pick DD up from school & are with her, cook dinner etc
Today my 8yr old daughter who's birthday is next week & has been in isolation for 2 weeks was bouncing around on her bed and knocked her drink over it, hubby really shouted at her, she came to me really upset so I talked to her about it being an accident but that she needed to be more careful etc, Hubby came down as I was talking and still cross said she was bouncing around and shouldn't be, when she went out the room I said to him yelling wasn't acceptable, so he started yelling at me saying I never appreciate him (I'm constantly saying thank you & how grateful I am) he frequently tells me he's Mum & Dad & if I say anything at all he takes it as a personal attack!
This is the bit I want to know if I am in the wrong , earlier in the week I text him saying I was fed up of being so unwell and I would love to be able to homeschool DD, at the time he was fine, said we were doing ok & basically he understood, but he's just yelled at me that I'm always judging him and putting him down, to be honest I'm super careful because he takes any criticism or difference of opinion badly he said that I had said he wasn't good enough to Homeschool- that was just from that text!
I know how much he does for us and has given up but does it sound like I was condescending towards him? I've attached the text. He said I treat him as a scivvy and he hates our lives and our marriage is nonexistent.

My world is very isolated so i guess I could be seeing things wrongly, but I didn't think I had put him down and try really hard to not ask much from him and to make sure he knows how grateful I am and how much I love him.

Sorry for the essay but I didn't want to drip feed.

I think you were trying to have a conversation at the wrong time. He seems very stressed and whilst shouting was wrong it would have probably been best to reassure DD that this was done out of stress and an over reaction.

It’s no wonder your little one is bouncing around. I think most kids will be. They have bags of energy and have to get rid of it.
My nephews are the same. They’re very boisterous (typical boys) anyway, let alone at a time like this. I do think your DH was harsh for shouting but at the same time I can see how it happened. Everyones’ stress levels are through the roof while tolerance and patience levels are lower than usual.
I think there’ll be a lot of snapping and growling at each other at the moment.
Also unless you’re a Teacher is anyone “good enough” to homeschool. If they were what would be the point in having Teachers.

He sounds like he's overloaded . Does he ever get some time to him self as in away from everything even if it's just I another room ?

I think he's stretched too thin and the fact that he would now have to change her bedding pushed him over the edge.
It must be very hard for him. Does he have a support network outside of the household?

I don't know anything about your disease but is it possible to help with school work as a lot of it is online now? Also if you are doing the school work or entertaining the kids in some way for a few hours each day it will give him time to relax.

I think your DH is very stressed right now and that caused him to overreact and shout at DD.

Can she do her schoolwork in your room with you?

I agree that it sounds like your DH is overloaded. He’s already got so much to think about that texts like the ones you sent, while fine in most circumstances, are going to come across as another demand for emotional support, which he probably can’t give right now. You’re asking for reassurance, but people who have no energy left for themselves just don’t have it to give to others.

It will understandably be frustrating for him to see you giving sympathy to a child who has just caused him more work by doing something silly that they know they shouldn’t have done. No, he probably shouldn’t have yelled, but it’s something that should be easily forgiven right now.

Thank you so much for taking time to read my essay & respond.

He/we don’t really have any friends, people drop away when you can’t go out to pub or have to cancel things, their lives move on. He’s quite a loner
@NailsNeedDoing, thank you for your insight, I didn’t think about my text that way, and I think you are right I shouldn’t be expecting or asking him for emotional support right now.
What I have shared about our lives is only scratching the surface of what we are dealing with, I know he’s stretched incredibly thin and feel so guilty, we never expected life to be this way & COVID19 has added a crazy amount of pressure and worry, DS & I being high risk & hubby is actually in the extremely vulnerable group.

When DD is at school he gets a break from midday till she’s home as much support workers are here, but there’s frequently things to deal with- phone calls, paper work, jobs he can’t do when I don’t have support, as he needs to be able to drop what he’s doing to help DS or I.
The children are with me in the evenings, but he still needs to be on call as such. @Poppi89 When I am well enough I’ll do homework, reading, spellings etc In the evening with them.

One of my support workers has been with me for many years, & has been putting a lot of pressure on him, when it’s his down time she keeps telling him about all the jobs that need to be done 43

I think a lot can be misinterpreted from a text, people don't get to hear tone or see facial expressions. He could have read it as you'd love to be able to do her homework as you could do a better job.

Ops sent as I was writing!
I’ve spoken with her several times, but I guess she’s been here so long she just falls into the role of how she is at home with her partner & she wants things nice for me, but my families happiness is more important than a perfect home.

Thank you again for your support and insights, he really is an amazing man & I love him like crazy. Anything I can do to lighten his load I’d happily do.

The current situation with coronavirus is going to cause a lot of people massive stress and anxiety, even those who are generally OK. If you or your family have underlying problems it's going to multiply things and cause a massive strain.

It sounds like your husband is a sound bloke, who's under huge amounts of stress at the moment.

I'm not someone who gets particularly anxious but the whole world seems surreal at present. People say ''it's a nightmare'' but this really is, I keep expecting to wake up. I'm on edge, irritable, and not sleeping well. And I've got a job that's safe, mortgage paid off, no kids off school, no underlying health issues possibly worsened by coronavirus. So if it's affecting me, I can't imagine how others are feeling.

Stay strong x

Thank you