t/w death referred to) feeling so stupid and pathetic

[ineedsomegrips]

I live alone with my DCs and have no support from other adults.
I had a horrendous time when I went up to bed last night as I was seeing the moment when my mum was cremated but she wasn't in a coffin, it was her body like I saw her in the chapel and flames round it. I got stressed and had to not cry so as not to wake them up. I managed to fall asleep playing games on the tablet to distract me but woke up and hour ago and had no internet access for some unknown reason.
I couldn't cope with it and had a panic attack as everything i tried to make it work again didn't work and i got in a state about how i would have no social contact and how the DCs wouldnt be able to do their school work.

i feel so pathetic not to have a single friend, it's something i cannot change since i am not the kind of person anybody wants to be friends with - i had no friends at primary school or secondary school nor at university or at work. Equally pathetic at having a panic attack over no internet access.

Nope never had friends.

Hey OP. I am sorry you are having a tough time. I am usually a right old grump, but I don’t want to see anyone on their own. I am here if you want to talk. ☺️

oh bless your heart... you are not pathetic, you are just responding to a really terrible time.

sounds like you had a really nasty dream and it has understandably rattled you. the dream is likely due to worry about the current crisis and concern for your young children.

if i were you, i would give the internet a complete miss in the evenings. social media is full of scarey stuff that is going to impact on your sleep and playing games is going to over stimulate your brain. try reading a book instead... get yourself a nice, easy read... a romance or something that isn't going to get you thinking too much.

you are not the only one who doesn't have adult support... you could contact local resources or maybe link up with other parents from school to see if you can support each other. really, there are lots of people out there feeling like you do but your are not on your own.

do something nice with the children tomorrow... bake cakes, read stories, build a den in the lounge..... whatever you do, keep yourself busy and calm...

Are you currently on any anti anxiety meds OP?

No, I'm not. I'm not normally anxious,Mum died not long ago so i'm still in the grieving process.

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time OP. My mother died almost a month ago, so we have something in common. You aren't pathetic, you just had a moment, which is understandable in these scary times. Take a deep breath, and make some time to do something you enjoy - and think of us as your friends.

Could you call your gp surgery in the morning, they’re doing telephone appointments were possible. It sounds like you need a little professional support right now and Mumsnet can’t do that. We can hand hold and wish you all the best but you may need something more x

So sorry OP. My mother died 20 years ago and I can still vividly see her as she was. Please don’t call yourself pathetic, you are very strong to be managing alone with your children and no surprise that the way life is right now is reminding you of sad things.

It’s difficult thinking of yourself as strong, but when you’re feeling a bit better, think about how much you achieve and accomplish on a daily basis with your children. You sound amazingly independent and strong to me, although I know you won’t feel that way.

Echoing another poster, perhaps some medication for anxiety might be what you need.

Very best wishes to you OP.

I was in the exact same boat the other morning my charger broke and I was literally shaking and couldn’t think straight severe anxiety attack all cuz I thought fuck my phone is the only thing keeping me going right now what on Earth will I do if i can’t charge it! Anyway luckily I found another charger in my cupboard but I was ringing Asda and begging them to add a charger to my delivery which they couldn’t do as it was already out for delivery so yeh it sounds pathetic but it’s not really our phones are a lot of peoples life lines especially at this time xx