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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had my very poorly baby during Covid, NOT coping!

52 replies

itallworkedoutok · 24/03/2020 21:19

I had my baby at 37 weeks, last Tuesday the day the county went into panic about Covid.

He's poorly, he has really rare kidneys, liver issues etc. He's currently in high dependency.

My kids can't visit an my youngest is still under a year and my partner is limited to visiting too because of work and the children.

Everyday I feel like I'm coping less and crying more an I feel like I'm on a roller coaster I can't get off.

How do I find the strength to carry on. I have no other family/ friends. An I just can't pull my self though.

I'm sorry I didn't no where to post but I really need to reach out.

OP posts:
cornishdreams1 · 25/03/2020 09:07

Op without a doubt you are experiencing what is likely to the lowest point of your life, you are allowed to cry and fall apart. Anyone would in your position.

I would look into getting some face time counselling service, speak to the nurses on the ward for details. You need proper support.

I would also ask if your GP if he/she can prescribe something for you too, please throw everything at this to stay afloat, because your baby needs you, and staying strong in whatever you can is a priority.

Rosebyanothername19 · 25/03/2020 09:07

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I did 3 months on a NICU ward last year and it is very lonely even without these additional measures.
Can you ask if they have a counselor for the ward or get in touch with Bliss who might be able to provide support over the phone.
Take each day as it comes. Celebrate even the smallest of wins. Also never take action on the word of just 1 Dr. They seem to change their mind every day. You might be able to get your milk supply back, depending on how long it's been so you could also try speaking to the lactation nurse which they will probably have.
It is a long road and will seem endless at times but you can you this! You might also find that now their is a one visitor rule you get to talk to the other mums more. Also it is good to cry and let some emotion out. Dont bottle it up too much!

Good luck and I'm here if you need!

Xxx

Oldfail · 25/03/2020 09:11

Here for you op. I was in hospital with my newborn when she got a uti and all this crap wasnt going on and that was hard so I really really feel for you.

If you feel overwhelmed sit down and just concentrate on your breathing say in your head in and out. Do this for as long as you need to. It will help you to stop thinking about everything else.

Will keep everything crossed for you that you can get home soon.

If there can only be on parent are you able to go outside to see your partner instead. I know he cant see baby but if allowed at least he can give you a hug.

user1493413286 · 25/03/2020 09:16

I’m really sorry you’re going through this; my baby was in SCBU when she was born and I really struggled and didn’t have all this craziness going on so the fact that you’re still standing is amazing. Focus on the basics of looking after yourself - sleeping, eating and your recovery and take each day as it comes. Talk to the staff even with 2 metres between you.

sadmumbecauseofson · 25/03/2020 09:25

Sweetheart please talk to the staff and tell them how you feel, that you're not coping with it all and you'd like to speak to a doctor. It must be so hard for you, sending huge hugs x

Rainbowqueeen · 25/03/2020 09:47

Handholding here
It sounds really stressful so of course you are struggling.
Please call Bliss for some support. Focus on eating and staying hydrated. Sending you strength and wishing you well

goldpartyhat · 25/03/2020 10:02

I do feel such sympathy for you, my baby was born dead because of a placental abruption, and resuscitated and on scbu for 3 weeks. He was so poorly too, and only just pulled through.

What you are feeling is so 'normal' for your situation. Everyone seems in the same bubble, and no one talks to you. Other parents are stuck in their bubble too. The staff are good, but you seem to exist in this strange universe of terror and anxiety, with the odd moments of calm. The fear of now and the fear of the future is something else ☹️. All I can say is try to get through each day hour by hour, and eventually it does come to an end.

If I hadn't had my husband and parents there to support me I would have lost it entirely, so what you are having to go through is ten times worse.

Original poster
itallworkedoutok · 25/03/2020 10:06

Today I feel a little better I slept threw the night and didn't manage to wake to pump I was too exhausted.

After a sleep I feel much more able to cope.

I feel incredibly awful but I'm planning to change over to full specialist kidney formula today. I just don't have the energy to pump and increase my supply.

But I keep telling my self everything is temporary and we won't be here for ever.

I think I've become immune to all the beeping and alarms. An on the plus side I've picked up my NG tube feeding again today meaning I can help care for him more and if he comes home with a tube I'm ready.

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 25/03/2020 10:10

Keep talking on here. People will be here to listen and send love and prayers your way. It might not seem like much but you can know that there are lots of us thinking of you round the clock.
I have 2 children with complex needs and have sat at my children's bedside many times whilst they fought to live and it is so v hard . And the virus on top is just another layer of fear all together so just take one day at a time and don't think any further than that.
Sending a virtual hug and thinking of you and your baby xxx

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 25/03/2020 10:11

Contact BLISS. They were a Godsend to me.

Original poster
itallworkedoutok · 25/03/2020 16:19

I've got to leave him tonight as I've been discharged, I'm so torn as I'm looking forward to seeing my other kids and my own bed but I feel so guilty about leaving him!

I'm such a mess off emotions

OP posts:
DetroitLake · 25/03/2020 16:30

I'm so sorry you had to be discharged. You are doing so well in the midst of all this. You deserve and need that rest, mama. Praying for you and your family. Just take it one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time.

Crunchymum · 25/03/2020 20:10

Leaving was awful.

And you feel awful every time you leave after that. And you feel guilty years down the line but needs must.

You need to see your other children, you need to give them normality. You need to have your own bed and shower and space.

FWIW, I left my baby every evening around 6pm and then went home to spend a few hours with my (then) 5 and 3 year olds. I did normal things like washing and cooking dinner. It helped. Then every day back to the hospital for my time with baby.

Mine had an NG tube for a year. They aren't the nices of things but manageable.

Keep strong @itallworkedoutok

Flowers
CandyLeBonBon · 25/03/2020 20:33

Wow I'm not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed if you've got one under one, other kids and a new baby in SCBU. What are they doing about the kidneys?

Original poster
itallworkedoutok · 02/04/2020 21:22

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you everyone who commented and wished us well. I really do think those past few weeks were the lowest in one in my life. He's my 5th and last baby and it's been so different.

He has been home for nearly a week now, he came home with a feeding tube but no longer needs it. Neonatal out reach are currently visiting and monitoring his bloods every few days. But he's doing really well.

We have urgent follow ups next week.

Once again thank you so much for letting me type and communicate. It really really helped.

OP posts:
WineAndTiramisu · 02/04/2020 21:25

Glad to hear he's home and doing well, enjoy being with your family Flowers

VivienScott · 02/04/2020 21:30

Nice to hear some good news.

hardboiledeggs · 02/04/2020 21:30

What an awful time for you and your family. I don't have any advice sadly. I would try to speak to someone if you can. I cant imagine how you must feel right now. I hope things better soon for you and your wee one is home soon x

Tealightlil · 02/04/2020 21:34

It’s lovely to hear your little boy is home and doing well. Smile

Binterested · 02/04/2020 21:34

How lovely. Some nice news and it turns out you’ve got the right username ! I’m sure there’s a long way to go but great to hear that things are starting to be more positive.

Noworrieshere · 02/04/2020 21:37

So glad you are all home together.

SinkGirl · 02/04/2020 21:41

Sending huge hugs to you. My twins were both in nicu and DH got sick and couldn’t come in for a week and I remember how hard I found it.

Firstly, it’s still so early on, you can get your milk supply back up no problem at all. Are you still in hospital? If so, you should have access to a hospital grade double pump. Use that frequently, every couple of hours, even if not much is coming out. It will soon enough. Also google the Stanford pumping technique - used in many NICUs in the US although I only found out about it later.

Get in touch with BLISS for some support. Ask staff if there’s a counselling service you can access.

Get some sleep. Nicu staff are amazing and will take exceptional care of your baby. I was discharged after two days but my boys were in for 17 days and the other for 2 months. Leaving them there every night was so hard, but the staff took such good care of them. Quite often I’d come in to find one of the staff just giving them a cuddle or stroking DT2’s head when he couldn’t be picked up. They became like family while we were there. It’s so hard if they can’t get close to you, but you can still talk to them and they will listen.

Look for some support groups on Facebook, they were a big help to me.

You can get through this, as hard as it is right now. You need to take care of yourself so that you can keep going so please remember to eat, drink and sleep.

RandomMess · 02/04/2020 21:41

What wonderful news, onwards and upwards Thanks

SinkGirl · 02/04/2020 21:42

Oh ignore me, I missed your update. That’s amazing you’re home so soon! Sending Flowers to you all.

user1469525654 · 04/04/2020 17:42

Ask to speak to the chaplain. Ours was fantastic and a great listener when our son was born at 31 weeks and very poorly. We are not religious but they weren't at all bothered and very supportive

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