To think mental health is still important?

[CinderellasSecrets]

I've seen so many people worrying about their mental health deteroriating over the coming months only to be shot down that they need to 'buckle up and stop being weak', or 'really, that's what your worried about?', or 'you should be thankful your not '. Surely we can all still realise that actually this has had a huge, huge impact on support and it's only going to get worse?

I understand that we all need to be practicing self isolation and following the guidelines - I'm not suggesting anyone is exempt from that. But it seems like all empathy for those who are suffering has vanished.

I have been waiting 9 months for high intensity CBT, I was receiving fortnightly visits from a mental health nurse and fortnightly doctors appointments. Overnight those all stopped and I have no doubt I wont be receiving any CBT at all now. On top of that I've lost the only respite that I did have in my daughter's nursery place, and my daughter's behaviour has deteriorated (through no fault of her own, it is hard enough for adults let alone children who don't understand why everything has changed so suddenly and are missing the routine and people they've grown to love). I have a young baby as well and so I can't give my elder daughter all of the attention that she is craving. My mental health has taken a huge hit, I've been in some very dark places over the last few days and no doubt I will sink further as this period of isolation continues.

So surely, instead of telling people who are worried that they should be more concerned with everything else and that their worries aren't valid, it would be better to give maybe a bit of empathy and understanding and either some helpful suggestions (if you can think of any obviously) or even just sympathy? Instead it seems as though all the be kind and 'I'm always here with a listening ear' has turned into 'get over it!'. Obviously there are other very scary things happening all over but that doesn't erase everything else.

Absolutely op. I think anything like this is going to lead to a spike in serious mental health issues. Just get through it as best you can. It is very hard though

I personally haven’t seen anything other than sympathy for mental health issues. I feel like it’s widely accepted that the nation’s mental health will suffer over the next few months, especially those living by themselves.

Personally, my go-to things for keeping mental health happy during lockdown are:

• routine
• daily exercise
• daily fresh air
• turn phone off for periods of time
• limit SM
• hide CV board on MN
• do not read trash press - daily mail etc but read reputable news sources once a day only
• keep in touch with friends and family on FaceTime
• meditate, relax, practice r&r

Thankfully I've personally never been effected by mental health so I'm probably very ignorant when it comes to understanding. I've been dealt some very shit blows in life which all of my friends said would have tipped them over the edge, but for some reason I just have the stiff upper lip and carry on attitude. Maybe one day it'll all hit me at once and I'll be a mess. I'm half expecting it to. And of it does, I know if I hear some of the comments you've made in your post, I'd feel weak, inadequate and as though my feelings are not important/worthy. People should not ever be made to feel like that regardless of what happens around them.

I'm highly empathetic. I've several friends who have unfortunately suffered badly with their mental health and I've endeavoured to be there for them in any way to help them, whether that be distance, baby sitting, fetching groceries or lending a listening ear. I'd never ever judge and never look down upon anyone suffering and I'd never even consider dismissing their feelings as "oh they have it worse" or any of the comments in your post.

I agree with the PP, I do think there will be a huge spike in the coming months and I would like to think that in 2020, rather than being dismissive, we can help those around us and support them. I'm so sorry to hear your CBT has been postponed and I know how difficult toddlers can be, there's nothing I can really say to make things better for you but please remember how strong you are. Do you have anyone who you're able to call and talk things through with? Please take care of yourself.

Hey OP,
I don't think anyone would disagree and I hope that you get access to the services you need as soon as possible.

However, I think a lot of posters are getting frustrated with the use of "my mental health" as a catch all for anything which people find uncomfortable or unpleasant and as a reason why the current restrictions should not apply to them. I have certainly heard it in RL from more than one person.

This use of mental health as a reason to prioritise one's personal wishes over the interests of others is disingenuous to the people who are suffering from genuine mental health issues and those without MH issues who are gritting their teeth and pushing through this difficult situation.

Having one's personal freedom restricted is not comfortable or pleasant. But for the vast majority of people it is not a genuine MH issue and if there are allowances or accommodations to be made, they should be made for people who are suffering with MH issues in the same way that we should prioritise those with physical medical conditions.

That's really nice to hear, hopefully I've just had the misfortune of reading more of the negative ones and missing the nicer ones, and those are really helpful tips actually I can recognise a few things there that I've been guilty of doing so I'll try and stop those now :)

Hi OP
Have your appointments all suddenly stopped because staff are being told they are not allowed to do face to face appts because of Corona ?
Some mental health staff in community settings are being shifted around into different roles because of managing corona
I wonder if that is what is going on in your area ?
If so, I would expect them to have given you numbers to call if you are struggling ??

Where are you seeing people being ‘shot down and told they’re ‘weak’? If it’s online, I would discount it entirely as impatience with/inability to distinguish online between someone with diagnosed, serious MH issues and the self-diagnosed whingeing about My Anxiety as if it’s a pet cat. If it’s in person, and from people you know, that’s an entirely different matter.

Or simply other people are also struggling, even without MH problems, and they simply don’t have the energy to give you the attention and listening ear you feel you deserve.

I know I’m finding it hard to have much patience with people complaining about being bored, when DH and I are trying to combine working FT from a rented home in a country we only recently moved to in two demanding jobs with homeschooling our high-energy 7 year old and looking after four frail locked-down elderly parents ata distance, having just pulled out of a house purchase because we’re both now on deferred half-salary, and needing to find somewhere new to live in a fortnight. DH has had a surgery (understandably) deferred and is in mild but permanent pain, and I’m very anaemic and feel horrible.

I tell myself that other people are dealing with similar or worse if they don’t treat me with any particular sympathy.

@Schmoozer yes it is all to stop the spread of infection which I really do understand I know why it's had to stop and I do have a number to call so I wouldn't say I've been left completely high and dry. Honestly the team who have been supporting me have been nothing short of amazing, but it's very different from the routine and plan that was in place so it's all very hard to adjust too. Necessary but very hard.

It's so true and worrying. I hope you can find some sort of routine that gets you through.

I haven't cried yet but the thought of not seeing my dad for months is hurting.

He has schizophrenic and other health conditions that put him in the high risk category. I work at a disabled children's home so I'm in constant contact with lots of people. I dont want to give him the virus as it could kill him, especially as he wont leave his flat even before this started, so he wouldn't go to hospital even if he got ill. He hardly talks on the phone and wont email or text due to paranoia. I'm so scared of him spiralling while I cant see him. My one comfort is he has one other person in his life, a family friend who has said she will keep visiting him in a care capacity.

That makes sense Cinderella, they haven’t abandoned you, and you will still be on the list for CBT if you’ve already been accepted. It’s just going to all take a bit longer whilst this crazy planet throws us a shit storm !!!
Hang on in there. Call the numbers, that’s what they are there for, your team will be back, and there for you, as soon as they can

I don't feel I or anyone else deserves a listening ear, honestly if someone doesn't have the energy to listen that's fine of course everybody has their own things on. This situation is so hard for all of us, but I don't think it's right to invalidate anyone's worries either that's all. It is online that I'm seeing these things, so yes it should probably be discounted but at the same time it's real people who are reading those replies and a lot may struggle to simply discount them if they are feeling quite vulnerable.

Your mental health is important and you can take steps to help yourself. There are lots of free resources available. I have a book somewhere that I would be happy to send you op. I think people tend to sound insensitive as I in no doubt have, but they are trying to convey the same sentiments. You are not powerless and can make changes everyday.

Then I would encourage people who are suffering to step away from online platforms where they are being abused or belittled. Including Mn, if necessary.

A friend of mine who is a highly successful, very together woman in every area of her life but with some lingering trauma from a terrible upbringing, simply can’t read virtually any of Mn when she’s not feeling very secure — she says the judgementalism of total strangers on everything from housework to diet to child behaviour in supermarkets to parking just starts up her self-blaming inner monologue and amplifies it.

However, I think a lot of posters are getting frustrated with the use of "my mental health" as a catch all for anything which people find uncomfortable or unpleasant and as a reason why the current restrictions should not apply to them

Any frustration I’ve felt - and barely managed to conceal has centred around individuals intent on breaking the current rules based on their perceived needs to preserve their “ mental health” The sort who will visit friends or will not stick to one exercise trip a day for example. It’s always about them, their rights and is nothing about their responsibilities to our health service and society at large. It really really fucks me off. Once you’ve read a few dozen comments from selfish arses like that it becomes difficult to distinguish the real cases - the individuals who could really do with the support. I’m afraid it’s the relentless selfishness and failure by these individuals to do anything that they find remotely onerous that puts the brakes on any sympathy and suggestions that people may have for you. So to THEM the message remains to “ shut up & get on with it” and to you is to “ take one day at a time”. Good luck OP.

Yes OP. I was going to write a post about this myself! Today I read a post where the OP (clearly depressed, clearly in a controlling relationship) was told to pretty much pull herself together by at least two people. The majority are sympathetic but there is a small but very vocal minority on here who appear to be missing the point entirely, and range from being thoughtless to downright cruel.

I get that we are all scared, frustrated and on edge. But abusing people for expressing very valid concerns about their MH is not on. Over the past few days I've seen some very worrying posts that clearly indicate suicidal intentions. There will be deaths from the Coronavirus...but we should also expect deaths by suicide.

I'm sorry for what you're going through OP. It sounds really difficult and stressful hope you can get the support that you need. And thanks for posting this.