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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Living with my husband who's cheated on me and refuses to leave

32 replies

Chaz2020 · 24/03/2020 18:06

I have known my husband for 10 years and we have a daughter. About 6 months ago we started having problems reasons being I found out he was cheating on me. He went away on holiday to Bali with the girl without my knowledge he lied to me and said he was going with his friends. When he came back I had changed the locks to the door to the flat that we share but up until now I have no idea how he gained entry. I confronted him about the holiday and he still lied. He kept on carrying on like things were normal but we kept arguing. Unfortunately our daughter fell sick and she was in ITU round about the time I had decided to leave. And he kept on disappearing to be with his girlfriend who by the way knows that he has a wife and kid. It was in January our daughter came back home and he said he was sorry and wanted to make things work but he didn't stop. Disappearing most weekends and we had a planned holiday asked him if we should cancel as we were not getting along he said to go could give us a chance to build our relationship again but through out the 2 week holiday he was communicating with the girl.
We came back but we had decided I should stay at home and look after our daughter as it was very terrifying what she had gone through while in hospital but things between us were only getting worse and I couldn't move as I had no money. I asked to move out and told him we should separate asked him to talk about what we do in terms of our child but he never responded all he kept saying that he was not going anywhere he was sorry and he didn't want to lose his family. Now I know we cannot be together but now because of coronavirus we are stuck together in a 1 bed flat am I being unreasonable when I get upset that he answers his girlfriends phone calls infront of me and can anyone advise how I live with this man who cant stand my sight he looks at me as if I'm the one that did wrong how do I live with him on this current situation.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 25/03/2020 08:53

Get yourself prepared for when the isolation finishes.
Get all your finances separated.
Get your wages and/or benefits paid into your sole bank account.
Look for new flats
Take a photo of all important documents
Get a credit report to check if he's taken finance in your name.
Contact a solicitor.

StamfordHill · 25/03/2020 17:10

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MitziK · 25/03/2020 17:19

Bet if you started coughing persistently and told him your temperature was a bit high, he'd soon find a way to be somewhere else.

not suggesting you fake it, just an observation

Maladymaker · 25/03/2020 17:46

I'm with the wardrobe the locking him out and the police. Keep strong Flowers

MsFrosty · 25/03/2020 17:57

You make plans to leave
Speak to the landlord regarding the tenancy. You make a claim to UC and you make a claim to CMS for maintenance. If he wants the tenancy then start searching for flats that you can rent. Are your family nearby.
Stop thinking about reconciliation or changing him. If he wont go then make plans for how you are going to get out x

MsFrosty · 25/03/2020 17:58

Take photos of EVERYTHING. All insurances, wage slips, tenancy agreements, bank statements and savings. Start requesting closure of everything in shared name

MsFrosty · 25/03/2020 17:58

Email all photos to a trusted friend.

DO NOT TELL HIM YOU ARE DOING ANY OF THIS

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