Should I beg my mum to quit her NHS job?

[millerjane]

My mum is a medic working in A & E where she comes into direct contact with patients (not a dr or nurse).

She herself is diabetic and struggles to fight off colds. But it is my dad whose life I fear for. He is currently fighting off a chest infection - his chest literally rattles right now. I know in my heart he will not make it if he contracts Covid-19. He has also had a heart attack (five years ago but he is generally in bad health).

My mother is the only source of income but my parents have paid off their mortgage and just about okay financially.

My mum wants to do her bit but I can’t justify the risk to my father who I adore. I don’t live with them and just feel so helpless.

I want them to self-isolate until this dies down, I don’t want to lose my father,

I've just had a walk in the local woods (socially distanced myself) and had a cry.

Oh love, didn’t want to read and run. Your mom will know the reasons to stay home just like you but has made a choice that involves a duty aspect. I’m not sure that you can do anything about it tbh. Is she likely to listen if you ask her about why she’s taking the risks she is with your father’s health do you think?

What sort of “medic“ is your mum? You say she isn’t a doctor or nurse so might her patient contact be quite limited. Lots of places are creating different areas for COVID and Non COVID workstreams so maybe she could asked to be placed on the Non COVID side

I'm sorry but I think yabu as it is not your decision. Your mum will have thought about it and probably discussed it with her manager. It is up to her.

Your mum needs to self isolate away from your father if she continues to work. Her NHS trust can help her with accommodation.

I am sending you big love

You’re not unreasonable to feel like you do. It would be unreasonable to exert pressure on your Mum though.

I'm sorry you're worried about your parents, we all are but we need people like your Mum more than anything now.

My DH works in ICU helping corona infected patients. I'm petrified, he can't see his DC and we haven't seen parents in weeks. We just need to be strong and do our bit.

I have offered financial help which has been refused so it's not about money imo.

My mum is very caring and has a strong sense of duty. My sister is currently on a plane home - she has always had the gift of the gab so hopefully will listen to her. I feel sick with anxiety, it feels inevitable that something will happen to my father.

They've been dealt so many blows, it looked like they were finely about to enjoy life again until this pandemic. i'll be heartbroken if my mum and dad don't get to enjoy the good years yet to come (both in 60s)

I know it's selfish

You should be very proud of your mum she's a brave lady.

finely=finally

No, I wouldn't like that either and totally get where you are coming from. I too would be upset.
Are they early or late 60s?

Can he stay with you?

What does your dad say?

@millerjane I really feel for you, my mum retired 4 years ago from nursing and I'm so glad. It's so hard, I work for the nhs (but not a medic) have a few underlying health conditions including asthma and an autoimmune illness, today I offered to be redeployed to a ward, my manager has responded saying no which obviously makes sense but I did it because I just have this really strong desire to be where I'm most needed and I'm frightened and want to be useful. I wonder if your mum might come round, its early days really.

Could your dad come stay with you?

I’m sorry but yabu. I know you are worried about your father but you have no right to tell her to quit her job (regardless of what is it).

Can your dad move in with you if you are worried about him being with your mum?

Colleague with a family member who is very high risk was told to self isolate. Can your mum do the same?