Refusing to allow contact weekend to go ahead

[Notopel]

Scenario - contact weekend coming up where child (6) would normally be spending the weekend at Father’s home in London. He lives in a flat with shared entry way and staircase. There is also another child (16) living with Father who I know from social media was out socialising in central London on Saturday.

At home we live in an isolated area of South Wales, with very few neighbours and a large garden. Neither I nor child have left the house since last Tuesday.

I am extremely reluctant to allow contact to take place this weekend, not least if he passes on an infection we’ll struggle to cope as I’m a lone parent with no family or support network.

AIBU to say that contact should not proceed as planned? The country is on a lockdown for goodness sake and he wants me to take a child hundreds of miles to where there’s currently a hotspot of cases??

Don't let him go for contact, if he wants to push it then he can try to take it to court and even if he got that far he'd be laughed out of court at the moment.

No question, do not take him

YANBU. I've agreed with ex that DD will stay put with me in the midlands and not visit London. Facetime for now.

YANBU, mine aren’t even travelling 30 miles to see ex and thankfully he agrees it’s for the best. FaceTime or nothing atm.

Facetime only for now. Absolutely no way would I let my child go

He broke the government's social distancing guidance on Saturday. Can you keep evidence of this to support your case if it becomes necessary?

Is there any danger he'll come to you? What's he saying? Is he insistent or likely to be?

No that would be crazy. Different if parents live locally to each other.

It's too far to travel

Michael Gove's advice that children have contact with the NRP. I don't think he has thought this through.

FaceTime would be sensible in these circumstances

My personal opinion is that it’s too far and rather unnecessary, but the government position is that contact should go ahead as normal, so you might need to find a compromise with him somehow...

YANBU we have suspended our contact at present and we aren't even in London.

I know that parents who live locally to each other are still doing handover, but it seems like madness to send him to London at the moment. Ex husband doesn’t seem to see communal areas as a risk either, despite my pointing out how long the virus can be present on surfaces and in the air. For all he knows he’s got key workers living in the building.

Be calm, be rational and keep your child safe. Courts are on lockdown, nothing is going to be issued & no ones going to criticise you for making a hard choice.
You and your ex can get free accounts on www.zoom.us so your DC, his/her DF & other sibling can all chat/meet together. - a 6 year old will probably think it's good fun.

I wouldn't count that as essential travel right now. Face time or other video for a while.

Do you have a slight temperature OP? It would be a shame if you and your child had to self isolate for 14 days wouldn’t it?

NRPs who force contact are endangering lives. Guess in ww2 they wouldn't have allowed their kids to be evacuees because their rights in the contact order is more important than people dying.

YABU.

The government, cafcass and the legal community are very clear on this.

Children under 18 are able to move between homes - not up to you to interpret.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/breaking-coronavirus-children-separated-parents-21743291

I definitely would not send him. I don’t understand the guidance on this at all, and I say that as someone with a DSS who should be coming here this weekend.

Why is it ok for a child to stay in a different house for the weekend but not an adult family member to visit for an hour? - and this has no bearing on how I feel towards DSS as I love having him here but simply from an virus risk point of view?

That link to Michael Gove isn’t exactly equivocal is it. It says that children can go to the other household, obviously there’s lots of instances in which this wouldn’t be a problem. In this instance though we’re talking about hundreds of miles of travel, and movement from a self contained home into a shared environment in a virus hotspot.

YABU.

The government, cafcass and the legal community are very clear on this.

Children under 18 are able to move between homes - not up to you to interpret.

Actually the advice from Cafcass would be that parents need to be sensible in situations that might present a risk. It’s not enforcing contact in any circumstances, rather saying it should happen where there is no reason for it not to happen.

The judiciary are very keen on this blog from barrister Lucy Reed, which admittedly was written before lockdown but would still be relevant.

www.pinktape.co.uk/rants/corona-virus-and-separated-parents-what-to-do/

From the President of the family court drawing from Government guidance yesterday:

“Where parents do not live in the same household, children under 18 can be moved between their parents’ homes. This establishes an exception to the mandatory ‘stay at home’ requirement; it does not, however, mean that children must be moved between homes. The decision whether a child is to move between parental homes is for the child’s parents to make after a sensible assessment of the circumstances including the child’s present health, the risk of infection and the presence of any recognised vulnerable individuals in one household or the other.”

Sorry OP but I think YABU here. I believe guidance has been published by the law society that contact between parents and children should go on as normal. You should try and facilitate that as far as you can.

@NorthernSpirit - "Children under 18 are able to move between homes - not up to you to interpret."

You are quite wrong.
The key word is "able", not "must".

The exception applies in light of all surrounding information. So short local journeys where neither household represents an increased risk are fine. Longer journeys of several hours which involve exposure to third parties - eg loo breaks, petrol stops, then the exemption doesn't apply.

Some households may have vulnerable people in them, or key workers who are statistically more at risk of catching/spreading the virus. Or occupants who are ignoring social distancing.

So in each case the exemption should be interpreted in light of the additional risks in each particular case posed by moving between households.

I'm a family lawyer and this is my professional advice. If you search my username I have given this advice on multiple threads. Anyone breaching an order for these very sound reasons is very unlikely to be punished as long as their reasoning is sound (and they are not looking for excuses to stop contact).

OP I am in South Wales and am confident in advising you that in the circumstances you describe your DC should not go to London. Remind the DF that he has a lifetime of parenting ahead of him and while this us annoying and upsetting it will pass and fade into distant memory. The brief interruption to contact will not damage or ruin their relationship and you will continue to support his relationship with his DC. They can Skype and FaceTime.

It’s up to BOTH parents to agree & decide.

Not the RP yo dictate and withhold.