AIBU to think how the hell i’m meant to do a full time job from home with 2 young children

[Mexicantortilla]

I’m being sent timetables each day with copious amounts of work to do which easily fills a solid 8 hours with a 30 min lunch break built in and I’m drowning...the kids need me aged 5 and 9, they want feeding and I haven’t got time, they want help with work and also direction to do it, I’m getting distracted trying to stop them from doing things they shouldn’t be, the WiFi speed is shit, I have to balance lap top on my knees as there’s no where to put it (mid build and living in a shit hole we are rebuilding) having to use my own laptop) I have been sent emails telling me how to log on to. company systems but I can’t bloody do it/understand it....there’s that many emails I don’t know where to start, they send msgs on WhatsApp and there’s that many I can’t follow them logically...rant over

Your employer cannot have the expectation that you can work full time in these circumstances. My husband works for a large University and they have said he is to work whatever is physically possible.
There might be someone on Mumsnet with HR experience? who can advise where you stand in this exceptional circumstance

Martin Lewis was saying on Twitter this might count as a situation where your employer could put you on furlough BUT it's also up to them to decide.

I’m the same. Single parent, 1 in primary, 1 in secondary. Chronic and not particularly well managed health conditions so I’m ‘vulnerable’ and have been on lockdown for a week. Work is busier than ever and we are using video calls alongside an unreliable IT system. The constant emails about how to access new apps/systems is overwhelming and they don’t have enough necessary equipment for us all so we have to make do, or acquire our own.

I can’t ignore my children all day and am too tired and ill of an evening to catch up on work missed. I’m doing the best I can but am behind already.

Told to cover the work of other people who are absent. Those unable to work from home are on full pay. Meanwhile I’m trying to do my own job, other people’s jobs, educate my kids, can’t get any shopping as not on the ‘vulnerable list’ yet and am heading for a breakdown.

I do have enough medication and shopping to last a couple of weeks so no panic there.

There is no rule book. I'm in the same situation. WFH with four and eight year old. Been like this since Feb as in Italy. The work load hasn't changed and my job requires quiet and concentration (translation). I'm doing what I can when they are busy in the day and my employer is being understanding of the situation while not being able to change the workload much.

By the way I'm used to working from home so if you need help with VPN etc let me know.

A lot of companies are being flexible, but I think you need to use leave, then exceptional/unpaid leave if done by the book.

I agree. You cannot work like this. Do you have a partner? Sit down and work out a schedule that's doable. Don't worry about enriching your kids lives with creative crafts or batch cooking amazing meals. I'd start with what you realistically can expect your kids to do independently. For example, your older one might be able to read and then write about what he read for an hour or so. Could your younger one play independently at that time? And you can work. Then you have 30 mins break and set them up with the next thing. Get both of them to get more independent with snacks. Anyway, once youve worked out that you can perhaps do 1 hour in the morning, 2 in the afternoon and another two after bedtime, tell your employer. Explain that it's just not possible to do more. Perhaps also discuss how you'd like to receive your work. Hundreds of emails doesn't sound helpful. Platforms like Trello are so much easier to use to allocate and keep track of work.

Also WFH has to be objective driven, not time driven. So it doesn't matter if you get it done 6am-9am when normally it'd take you 9-12 with a coffee break and a chat with colleagues. The main thing is what needs to get done that day/month is done. Set yourself manageable daily targets and stick to them, even if that means working early morning or late at night. If the kids need you, it's better to break off, give them 15 mins quality attention and then do another half hour solid work. Don't try multitasking, you will fail.

Are you a single parent? If so you need to talk to your manager/HR and look at options to take leave for this period but this may be unpaid.

Or reduce down your hours to something that is more feasible - three hours after kids are in bed plus maybe 1 - 2 during the day while they watch a film?

If you have a partner- you need to split the day. this may mean your partner changing their work pattern to accomodate this.

So up early, you start work at 7am while your partner takes care of the children, then swap at 1pm and he works while you take care of the kids until 7pm, both of you do an hour of bedtimehousework/cleaning/laundry together until 8pm.

Both of you have then worked 6 high quality hours that day plus no work coffee chats and meeting to distract so something closer to a normal 8 hour working day in practice.

It may mean working fewer hours than normal but again, workplaces will need to be a bit flexible here - if you can get your critical tasks done then doing slightly shorter hours than normal should be something they can live with for now.

Can you upgrade your BroadBand? Work may allow you to expense that. Could also be your router?

Thank you, the eldest is the one who is most demanding, I’m a nurse and the expectation is that I will be doing telephone consultations from home, I am in a vulnerable group and employers have told me to send kids back to school and given me a letter to give to school, I really don’t want to do this as I feel they could pick up virus and bring it home, I’m an older parent (50) and bloody terrified of dying and leaving them, yes have a DH who is also working from home and likely to go away to work from next week unless he gives up work, he is semi understanding but takes a much more incredulous attitude towards what my employers are asking, I’ve just shown him one of the timetables which are given for each day and he said “they don’t want you sitting around do they!!” Just feel like it’s an invasion too into my home I have no escape, I’m efficient at work but there the systems are set up and manageable

Hi,
I'm in the same situation (altho kids are a little older).
My brain is scattered all over the place. I've been working like this for a week now and it's getting a tiny bit better...
The things I've done:

• Abandoned any formal homework. I've downloaded a couple of maths/english/history sites that have easy stages and it's trackable. So... my son will sit and do 30 mins of maths. I don't have to sit side by side with him working on new work. Sorry, but it's a brave new world and I don't think that at this stage he's going to fall that far behind. Other people are having the same problem.
• Waking up super early. 5am this morning. That means I've done 3 hours before the kids are up. It sucks, but it breaks the back of the day.
• Bed super early.
• Telling my team leader about the situation. I'm considering reducing hours because if this carries on for 6 weeks I'll be a basket case.

It's really crap. I hope you're ok soon.

Bollocks, just saw your update. My advice doesn't really help, except to not fuss over homework.

I'm working from home with two primary school kids. I've printed bis off and if they are managing an hours worth of work over the course of the day I'm lucky. They are playing in the garden though, and being creative making things building forts etc. Not ideal but I have to leave them to it with just a little bit of guidance or I wont get my job done. Thankfully, work is understanding. and my partner was sent home today so he will take charge of keeping them on track better. Its impossible to do both...

Yeah you have to work nights now

Brutal

Managedmis, I actually think you are right! And I’m going to send bloody emails and WhatsApp’s all night too, thank you, that’s what I needed to get my steam back up!

I’m a social worker. Colleagues still have to do essential visits but I am facilitating statutory meetings and discussions via video conference calls. So I cannot do those before breakfast or after the kids are in bed. Reports/casenotes can be done flexibly but remain time sensitive.

It would be manageable short term as I can relax the rules around school/homework but 12 weeks minimum seems impossible as my own children deserve my time too.

My children could go to school but a) the schools are really trying to limit their numbers to protect their staff and b) it defeats the object if they bring the virus home.

What if you simply didn't do as much of the work as they expect from you and tell them why?

It sounds like you are a teacher - essential worker - so why aren't your children at school?

Xenia, schools won’t generally except children if a parent is working from home

I'm a single parent, wfh with a 9 year old DD who isn't in school.

It is possible. Its difficult and its non-optimal and the quality of both your work and your parenting (and probably your mental health) will suffer. But I've been doing it on and off for the past four years. It literally has been the only way I can keep my job. It isn't true that it can't be done.

I don't quite want to say suck it up but I do think its a matter of perspective. I've had loads of people at work message me over the past week to say "how can we be expected to work from home with a kid" and I feel like saying, well I've managed it for all these years without keeling over/going broke/losing my job so you can.

It's tough but its a damn sight better than being a frontline NHS worker or working in a supermarket now. We just have to crack on.

Thank you. I do take on board what you are saying, and in principle it is doable with some flexibility, the problem lies in the flexibility, I have been given a timetable which clearly stipulates work at set times through the day starting at 9am and finishing at 5 pm with a 30 min break at lunch and I have to email the completed work as proof at 5pm, even that is difficult as the WiFi speed is so slow it won’t send, I’ve resorted to taking screenshots on my phone and sending this of the email I’m trying to send showing the attachments, to say hey head is shredded is an understatement, the work requires concentration, creative thinking and prose and research and their really is no time to be distracted.

@Mexicantortilla. This sounds like the kind of question "Ask A Manager" website excels at!

Personally, I'd write to your Team Leader (or whoever is above you) and tell them that you will only realistically be able to do x,y,z (triage # of patients, produce # of reports or whatever your usually workload is). Ask them what you should prioritize. That is what I've had to do. That way, you've already managed expectations. I remember having to see 20+ patients in a morning (totally unrealistic) and so I saw my manager with the breakdown and she agreed to maximum of 16. It was still too many, but at least it was kind of realistic.

My work is medical, takes a lot of fine detail, but luckily I'm no longer on the 'live' cases so it's not so bad, but i feel for you. They'll keep piling all this onto you unless you make a bit of a stand.

You don't have to facilitate the schoolwork. Look up autonomous education. Your children will still need some attention from you, but there's no reason to be doing what the school wants you to.

I think I'd mentally tell the school to F off. It can't be achieved to full time school and full time work. I'd go through and decide yourself which work is essential and what can be dropped from the school stuff sent through.