To feel so drained from the negativity

[Carravaggio]

I am really struggling today. I need to get up and mind my kids but I just want to lie in bed and cry.
My father in law passed away in January. My husband has been grieving hard since, sleeping a lot, cranky, impatient, constantly thinking he’s ill. I’ve tried so hard to stay positive but it’s just too much now. I think he had broken me down.
Everything that I say he argues & tells me I’m wrong. If I ask him to do anything in the house he either refuses or gets angry. This morning he put all of his trousers on my sons bed. I wanted to put him into the bed & asked DH to put his clothes back in the wardrobe. He replied with ‘for fucks sake’ then stormed out! No goodbyes, no kisses for me and the kids.
I’m so tired. I lost my DF and I know how much grief hurts but I didn’t take it out on anyone else.
The whole world is full of negativity and fear and I feel so alone. We’re in isolation for weeks and I just miss a nice conversation with an adult. My kids can’t talk yet. I’m so trapped. I actually feel depressed myself now from the exhaustion.

I can’t LTB as one of our kids is very sick & needs 24 hour care (another reason I’m exhausted, I cancelled nursing & carers) I honestly couldn’t do it alone. I’m also very financially dependent on him.

How can I like him again? I’m afraid to bring this up as he will just shout and ignore me for days. But I can’t live like this anymore. I dread him coming home. I dread hearing him wake in the morning as he’s just going to be mean.

I’m getting up to bath & dress them! I actually feel better after a good cry & a rant.

Keep posting here to vent. We will all be here for you.

You can get through this, keep your head up!

I really feel for you op, my DH was like this a while ago and I'm so glad we've started to sort it out before all this kicked off.

I don't really know what to say, the only option I can see is to try and talk to him. It sounds like that may not work but it's got to be worth a try.

what a lot to deal with at an already very shitty time. I don't have much useful advice, but forcing yourself to get up and bath and dress kids sounds like a good routine to try to stick to. Can you set up a little retreat somewhere in your house, chair in a corner where you can go and be away from your DH and take a few minutes to listen to some music or read a book when things are getting too much?

I’m getting up to bath & dress them! I actually feel better after a good cry & a rant.

This is good! What does your DH do/say if he sees you crying?

I've just thought, would it be easier to write him a letter? Telling him how his moods are affecting the whole house, not just you? But with the focus on him, and how can you help him?

Thank you - my kids are happy little people and the sun is shining. We can sit in the garden and play all day. DH is still working thankfully as I could not be stuck with him home all day.
I think I will go to our doctor this week. I’m feeling very overwhelmed by all the negativity and fear. I feel like DH has checked out of our life and is just irritated by me. It’s not a nice feeling.

I might write him a letter or even a text. I have done so in the past. Speaking to him does not work. He will focus on one sentence or statement and not hear anymore of what I’m saying. Instead arguing the one point until I just give up.

He didn’t see me cry today - but usually he would walk away. He lacks empathy

He sounds a lot like my DH was, it turns out he was depressed. This link helped us:
psychcentral.com/blog/why-so-angry-irritable-it-might-be-depression/

I'm glad your day has been nice so far. Let's hope the good weather continues!