AIBU to travel back to my uni house tomorrow morning?

[pumpkin33]

Please try and be kind as I'm really struggling to make the right decision whilst being kind to myself :(

I'm a mature uni student but currently I'm staying at my parents house. I'm thinking of travelling back to my uni house tomorrow morning after this lockdown announcement as I'm really struggling here at my parents'.

Bit of a backstory: parents were abusive growing up and remain extremely toxic and over the past few years I've gone low contact. The family dynamic is really toxic and I've struggled a lot over the years. I avoid visiting or talking to them and if I do I visit once every 3-4 months (to see my younger sibling) and am planning on going NC in the future. Last time I visited I promised myself I wouldn't set foot here again as my mental health regresses back to when I was a child living under their control.

However this pandemic has meant that uni is cancelled so everyone has retreated back to their parents house and I did too as I was worried about having no food or being on my own if I became seriously ill. I thought I'd just be staying for a few days and wanted to see my siblings.

However I have been at my parents house for a few days now and my mental health is becoming increasingly worse (as it always does every time I'm here). I feel more and more terrible everyday. My parents keep insisting that it's better for me to stay at their house in this lockdown and that I won't be able to cope if I'm on my own, and in the same breath they will make really horrible remarks.

Part of me wants to escape and wonders why I keep hurting myself by staying here despite the fact I might be very lonely if I go to my uni house as nobody will be there (I become anxious if I'm on my own for too long) and the other part of me is worried that I'll run out of food or become seriously ill and die before anyone can get to me if I'm on my own . I keep getting phantom symptoms (like wanting to cough but not actually having a continuous cough) and wonder if it's only a matter of time before I become seriously ill. But the thought of being locked in with my parents for the next few weeks makes me want to just... :(

Just struggling to make sense of my thoughts but also really struggling with coping here in general.

Go. 100%.

Go. Sooner rather than later, before they really start enforcing the shutdown strictly.

Make sure your journey doesn't bring you in
contact with anyone at all.

I think go and then be proactive in setting yourself so you have support and routine while you’re there. Go for a daily walk/run, google some local delivery company’s for food, order some books, choose a Netflix series and set up some regular phone calls or screentime with friends.m.

Definitely go if you can drive yourself there. Make sure you stay in contact with friends though if you're going to be on your own.

Let us know when you're back and settled in. It's the right decision.
There will probably be a bit of movement this morning as people get to where they need to be for the next 3 weeks.

You should definitely go.

OP
Are you going to be completely alone at your uni house?

If so, then your mental health will take a hit as well.

Are your siblings at your parents?

Would it be possible to put measures in place to keep your distance from your parents, if you stay home?

Would you and your siblings be able to instigate a family meeting, where you lay some ground rules for the next few weeks?
How would they react if you all said that the first rule is to be kind to each other?

Personally, I would hate to think of anyone on their own. If you did get ill, there's no one to look after you. How would you get food/ basic supplies if you are all alone?

At your parents, your mental health takes a hit- but you will recover.

If the worst happens when you are on your own, then a bad situation could be made much worse.

I was away from home last night when the announcement was made and will be driving home today.