Help me help DD with PTSD

[LurpakIsTheOnlyButter]

My DD 9 has had a horrific start to the year. Appendicitis led to bowel obstruction and well over a month in hospital, and now at home with an illeostomy. During the day she does so very, very well, she is so brave and she manages her own stoma apart from when she needs the full change which I do.

When it comes to bedtime she is ruined. She can't sleep. This has been going on since she was discharged from hospital and I don't know what to do anymore.

She has a mobile phone now so she can contact me in the night in an emergency. We have lavender pillow spray, sleepy balm on her chest, meditation music, cuddles, stories, songs and she is absolutely beside herself as no matter what I do or she does her little mind is in overdrive and she just can't switch off.

Her experience in hospital for the first week was like something from a horror film. It was absolutely fucking awful from my perspective and worse from hers. She was ignored and left in pain. I tried to advocate for her and it was the same.

She can't sleep. Most nights, I have tried bloody everything. I have been so calm and had the patience of a saint. She needs some rest, she needs comfort and nothing I do seems to help for more than a day or two.

She desperately needs counseling but given the current situation I don't think that will be happening anytime soon.

I'm reaching out here if anyone can suggest anything at all that might help her. She texted me tonight 'i feel lost' . I'm so sad for her but I don't know what to do.

Can she sleep in your bed with you? Can you let her fall asleep with a film on maybe

That sounds awful. Your poor DD, she's been through so much. Is there a possibility of online counselling via Skype, maybe? If you could source that? In the meantime I'd be inclined to let her sleep in with you, if she'd like to. When DS1 was 9 and going through a tough time, that helped him a lot. He needed to be with me, so he swapped beds with DH for a while.

I was going to suggest the same thing. Will she settle in your bed? Drift off chatting,reading a book ,watching a film? Or just lights off and knowing you are right there for her.

Oh my word, you have both been through an awful trauma and my heart goes out to your daughter who sounds incredibly brave. Your daughter and you need counselling ASAP to help you both to recover mentally. Counselling can be done very effectively over telephone and Skype so please don’t assume it can’t happen because of Covid-19. I have seen people having to wait a few weeks/months through the NHS, is it something you can afford to pay privately for? There are excellent resources and guides here: youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents/parents-guide-to-support-a-z/parents-guide-to-support-counselling-services/

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and hope your daughter can get the support she needs soon

Yes, do whatever it takes, even sharing a bed for a while. Meanwhile, she needs professional help. EMDR is one of the most successful methods of dealing with trauma, although of course right now it would be difficult to access treatment.

Generally, if a child hasn't found their equilibrium after about 6 weeks from the event, they need proper intervention.

Just start calling round, use the professional associations for psychologists and therapists for sources, and see if you can line up a conversation with one of them.

I suffer from PTSD, and had a similar life changing situation for one of my children that sent him into the same spiral.

PTSD has worked amazingly well for both of us, his soon after the events, mine some 15 years later.

Good luck, I know it's awful to watch.

Oh OP I’m so sorry to hear what your DD (and you!) have been through. Another one saying can she stay in your bed? As a kid whenever I had been ill my Mum would let me sleep in her bed (while my poor old Dad was in the bottom bunk listening to my sister snoring!) and it was such a comfort. I can still remember her squeezing my hand in the dark and how much just that small thing helped my pain and anxiety.

Your daughter has been fortunate to have come through her illness successfully

Would it help her to make a thank you card for the nurses who looked after her ?

Or some cards for some local children who are in hospital long term ?

Is there a Facebook or support group that you can both join ?

Plenty of free art therapy on the internet

I hope that things improve for you both

Poor kid, and poor you! Big hugs 🤗🤗
I would try and contact a child therapist, and have skype sessions. And bring her to bed with me. Do you have pets? My DD tells her cat everything, and she’s a teenager, but they really are each other’s shadow.

Not much to add- some cracking suggestions here.Just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what you and your little lass have gone through. Especially as it sounds as though the hospital experience was worse than it needed to be. 💐💐 Flowers for you both! Tink.

Lots of private psychologists are still offering sessions via zoom or other telemedicine apps. Please don't see a 'counsellor' they are not trained to work with this. Check if the psychologist is registered with the Health Professionals Council. If you are in a city there is likely to be a private practice locally.

I don't know if you have similar in the UK, but in Australia we have the Kids Helpline. So even if it takes a while to get proper counselling, this might help in the meantime. Another suggestion that helps my anxiety (although I've not been trauma like your DD) is my weighted blanket and ASMR videos or podcasts.

Sleep with you. PTSD is a physiological experience, and presuming you are calm, your body will help to regulate hers.

I'm so sorry for your daughter's experience, it must have been so traumatic for both of you. I had a bad experience a few years back involving crash surgery. In my case, I found the physical act of lying in bed to be very triggering - no matter how tired I was, the moment I lay down I'd be back in the operating theatre. I wonder if your daughter might be experiencing something similar? In my case two things helped - extra pillows so I wasn't lying flat, and podcasts to keep my brain distracted until I fell asleep. Maybe audiobooks on a low volume would work for her? Something with a v calm speaker's voice, maybe even played on slightly slower speed. Long term she would probably benefit from therapy, but maybe that would help in the meantime. Love to you both, I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

Has she tried audio books? I use the audible app and put it on a timer to switch off after an hour. Listening to something like Harry Potter is absorbing and quietens my own thoughts while I listen so I can drift off.

One of my dc suffered a terrible accident and nearly lost their leg, aged 5. They have suffered a myriad of mental health issues since, behaviour problems, sleep problems. Luckily the sleep issues are better but they have been having play therapy organised by the school for months now and it helped so much. But given the circumstances, I can see that that won't be possible due to school closures.

Can you move her bed into your room? There's an app called moshi that might help too. Have you talked through what's bothering her? Sometimes that is difficult for you to hear but can be helpful for them. Can she write it down in a journal? A new special blanket or a weighted one perhaps? I really hope something helps your daughter soon, sending love to you both

Could she do a bedtime yoga routine? It might help with some of the physical effects?

TRE (trauma release exercises) are easy and work on the vagus nerve which is heavily involved in our fight or flight response. Take a look at David Berceli's Youtube channel and also www.traumprevention.com for info. shows you how to do the exercises then you lie on the floor and allow your body to shake. It works like in other mammals who have had a fight or flight response and then literally shake to disperse the pent up energy/hormones etc. It's natural and safe and really effective. In Brazil there are families that shake together in the park with young children, it feels a bit like dancing and your body knows what to do. If you're unsure practitioners will do online sessions with you but you can easily do it yourself once you know how so don't need to keep paying for sessions unless you want to. Hope she feels better soon.

I dont know what to suggest but i know exactly how she is feeling. I had a brain hemorrhage in january caused by underlying brain syndrome. I was ignored for a week, even had a paramedic suggest panadol as that's what she takes for a headache.

Im home now trying to keep calm for my two kids. Still recovering whilst trying to homeschool. As a single parent im struggling physically and mentally. My mum was living with us to help but as she is in a high risk for the virus i sent her home.

I can just about manage to keep calm during the day but night is hard.

Ive found no news, lots of short walks (socially isolating) to try and tire me and kids out helps a bit.

Ive been diagnosed with PTSD and will be starying counselling via Skype. I wish you and your daughter luck.

Have you tried melatonin to help her sleep? It's safe for all ages and might help her re-establish a sleep routine while you try and access some help for her.

My son had trouble sleeping and his doctor suggest a slightly higher dose of valerian. It has helped. He takes it an hour before bed.
Best to check with her doctor about counter indications but definitely worth a try.

Thank you all so much for the suggestions. Sorry I've not been back yet as COVID and I'm a nurse so been exceedingly busy sorting my service out.
For this reason DD cannot be in my bed, I am patient facing and concerned she is vulnerable.
Audiobooks are helping! Waiting for contact from psychologist, I have asked specialist nurse to chase.