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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Handhold for those who find today (mother's Day) hard

28 replies

OhNoOhNoOhNo · 22/03/2020 12:40

Just that really. I know there's a few reasons why people struggle with things like mother's Day etc...

Personally, I've had multiple miscarriages and it hurts wondering if I'll ever get to be on the receiving end of a card, bunch of flowers etc... today.

I know some other friends who have bad relationships with their mothers and struggle to read the gushing posts etc...

So just a handhold today for those who struggle

Ps. Not taking away from the fantastic mother's, I have one myself and am celebrating her today. But it's also hard for various reasons seeing the cards, posts, adverts and everything else.

OP posts:

LaureBerthaud · 22/03/2020 12:41

for you OP. Such a difficulty day for many.

InDreamland · 22/03/2020 13:32

Sending you a hand hold OP 💐

It's a difficult day for many, I have been in your position with 6 years of unexplained infertility followed by 2 miscarriages before our rainbow and I found Mother's Day so hard wondering the same as you. Hoping that one day soon you too will have your take home rainbow x

ShiveringCoyote · 22/03/2020 13:34

This is my second mothers day without my Mum. Holding your hand on this difficult day.

TechGinny · 22/03/2020 13:53

Thank you OP, and a handhold to you, too

This is the first without my mum, who died 4 months ago, and it's totally shit.

dinodiva · 22/03/2020 14:41

Thank you and a handhold from me too. It’s a difficult day for lots of us - it’s my first without my mum who died last October. I miss her so much, particularly at the moment now the world has gone to shit.

5littlespeckledDogs · 22/03/2020 14:42

Thank you

for you

GenxfeellikeaBoomer · 22/03/2020 14:46

Hope you have a baby in your arms before too long OP.

I cried this mothers day because of something somebody said on facebook. Just a few tears of anger really. I never normally find mothers day hard. (single parent). I suppose all the extra stresses and anxieties are layering on top of each other now.

Thewomeninthemirror · 22/03/2020 15:15

Thank you

Original poster

OhNoOhNoOhNo · 22/03/2020 15:28

Thank you all. I'm so sorry for all of you struggling today. Those of you who've lost your mum recently I know flowers don't cut it but if you ever want to share a story or memory of your mum please do so.

It's very hard I just want more than anything for my own pair of small sticky hands to pass me a hand drawn card with the word 'mummy' on it. All of my babies never got the chance, it breaks my heart.

OP posts:

Subeccoo · 22/03/2020 16:05

First one without my mum, she's not been gone 3 months yet. I'm ignoring it mostly but children have been lovely and I'm lying here playing with my beautiful 7mo granddaughter (they live with us).
It's never ever going to be a happy day for me again, just want it to be over.

Subeccoo · 22/03/2020 16:06

Oh and hugs to you pp, so so hard for you, take care xx

Ilovechinese · 22/03/2020 16:15

Also my second mothers day without my mum and she wasnt the best mum when she was here so it is hard for me but luckily I do have my 3 children to make it happy but it's still hard

lynxca16 · 22/03/2020 16:27

((Hugs))

It can be a tricky day for mothers for so many different reasons and situations - its not always easy but we mostly do our best.
I cannot even imagine your grief/loss, all I can do is send love and hugs
Thinking of you

Comps83 · 22/03/2020 16:35

First Mother's Day
Baby born in January and then my mother died a week later
DH sackless drunk last night, on the verge of splitting up but it's not really doable given the current situation
Just been given my Mother's Day card which was obvs written when he was hammered last night and is illegible

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 22/03/2020 16:39

I'm so sorry for everyone finding it so hard

I find it bittersweet, I have my children here and had a lovely day, but 2 of my children have died and it's always tinged with sadness for me too. I have no relationship with my toxic mother either, so a real mixed bag for me.

Warminstermum · 22/03/2020 16:40

Mother’s Day is really hard for me too as I lost my mum when I was a child. It hurts. Hand hold to you

IcaMorgan · 22/03/2020 16:42

My mum died 20 days ago and the funeral was cancelled yesterday due to everyone having to self isolate. She will be cremated with only the funeral directors there and we have to wait til it’s safe to be in groups again and do a memorial for her

Original poster

OhNoOhNoOhNo · 22/03/2020 16:48

Icamorgan I am so so sorry

OP posts:

BeaLola · 22/03/2020 17:11

💐 flowers for you all.

I am now a Mummy but spent many many years without my DS , had IVF and 3 miscarriages. My amazing lovely Mum died nearly 20 years ago and I miss her every day.

Every Mothers Day since I buy some flowers/ or some sort of arrangement and place it on my lounge coffee table for my Mum and I raise a glass to her . This year I have an arrangement of blue hyacinths & pussy willow artfully done by florist and some purple tulips.

For you best Mum x

PumpkinPie2016 · 22/03/2020 17:46

This one is being exceptionally difficult for me.

I spent some time with my little boy this morning and he gave me his card/biscuits he had made so that was lovely.

I have spent the rest of the day sat beside my dying Nan's bed

I am staying here tonight (she is being cared for at home) because she hasn't long left and her partner has finally realised that this is the end after being in denial for days. Bless him, it has hit him like a tonne of bricks and I am desperately trying to hold it all together for his sake because someone needs to manage the situation.

Shefliesonherownwings · 22/03/2020 17:51

This is a really difficult day for me too. I had thought I would be enjoying it as my first mothers day with my DD, our first born, who should be almost 5 months now. Instead she was stillborn at full term last November. I've gone from looking forward to this day to absolutely dreading it. I've spent the day with DH on the sofa trying to ignore the happy messages on social media.

Hugs and love to all who are struggling today too.

GenxfeellikeaBoomer · 22/03/2020 17:52

@IcaMorgan 😪 that is awful.

GenxfeellikeaBoomer · 22/03/2020 17:53

@Shefliesonherownwings so hard. People are going through so much.

JaneEyre7 · 22/03/2020 17:59

My 2nd baby was stillborn, and I still find days like today, Christmas, birthdays etc really tough as I know he's not with me. I had a few silent tears in my eyes over the course of today.

And my Mum is very hard going because my sister is the golden child, I'm the scapegoat and I miss the Mum I used to think she was.

But my 3 DDs have cooked a lovely meal and I'm very blessed so I'm taking the "glass half full" view of life today.

to everyone else finding it tough going today.

user48675 · 22/03/2020 18:51

Sympathies to anyone who has lost their mothers through bereavement and also children - I had a late loss and always think about him on days like this for a bit longer than usual. It is also a difficult time for anyone experiencing infertility and I think people tend to forget that when they haven't experienced it themselves. Lots of gushing posts on facebook today and I can only feel envy and wish I had the lovely relationship some daughters seem to have with their mothers.

My mother is an ignoring narcissist. I tried to reconnect with her 6 weeks ago (after 5 years estrangement) but she has not been in contact since. I have decided I will probably not see her again unless she makes an effort to contact me. All I feel is anger toward her for failing me miserably as a child and later, failing my children (her gc) This is a type of grief and it is really hard to realise these things about one's own mother and come to terms with it.
I have had a lovely time with my dcs today but days like these are always bittersweet for me and I think I try to keep busy so that I can block out all the bad stuff.

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