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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just stop being paranoid about when my neighbours think of my son.

32 replies

GA2012 · 22/03/2020 10:57

My son has autism. He’s a kind soul, wouldn’t hurt a fly but incredibly loud. He just doesn’t seem to understand that the needs to then the volume down for the sake of others.

With the schools being shut I’m thinking I will do activities in the garden and let them play out there.

They haven’t played in the garden all winter. My garden is so muddy we would normally just go out and do things which we obviously can’t do anymore.

But I get so paranoid that my neighbours get annoyed with him. Our next door neighbour lives on his own and is great and knows what he’s like. He’s not home a lot of the time anyway (might be now mind), most of our neighbours have kids and go to the local school (it’s a close knit village) so I’m sure they also don’t mind but there’s a couple houses 2 doors down and opposite who are white elderly. I’m really paranoid if I send him out they’ll hate me.

This isn’t just the case of telling DS to be good. He is generally good just his general volume when doing things! He shouts, screams excitedly, screams, talks over the fence to people (social distancing now or course.

But if the schools close for weeks. I’m worried the neighbours will hate me. we don’t know all our neighbours so they don’t know that he has autism.

I’m not going to let him early not in the evening. All just be for short bursts though out the day!

OP posts:
AnneTwackie · 22/03/2020 11:01

I’d be twmpted to put a little not through the doors you’re worried about, just for your own peace of mind. Then enjoy yourselves without worry!

DDIJ · 22/03/2020 11:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

happytobeheresparkl · 22/03/2020 11:05

Your neighbours will just have to be understanding your son deserves some
Fresh air and so do you. Given what is going on in the world I think as all should be understanding of each other as long as you are respectful around times no early morning or late nights.

raffle · 22/03/2020 11:05

I’m feeling the same way. 2 boys with ASD/ADHD. They set each other off resulting in screaming meltdowns. Our neighbors must hate us Sad

LellyMcKelly · 22/03/2020 11:10

I’d put a short note through the door just to explain that he’s loud but he wouldn’t hurt a fly - sometimes people are concerned when they hear screeching and yelling as they think something is wrong and someone is being hurt or is in distress. Once they know that everything is fine they’ll likely barely notice, or find it much easier to tune it out even if they hear it.

LennyPugGoat · 22/03/2020 11:11

In the same boat here. If anyone has the audacity to knock and complain I’ll tell them I’m self isolating through the letter box!

Her entire routine has been pulled from under her feet with zero notice, GCSEs are off the cards and she can’t see her friends.

We have put one of those notes through letter boxes offering to help if we can even if it’s just a chat with my contact details on. If anyone calls I will explain our situation but, If she needs to dance in the garden making tic toks and be a loon doing cheerleading with her sisters to release some anxiety then that is what she will be doing and unfortunately everything is done at a volume louder than any of us like but it can’t be helped.

Good luck op

KisforKoala · 22/03/2020 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 22/03/2020 11:15

It doesn't really matter if they "hate" you, it's not your fault. Two doors down and opposite aren't likely to be very disturbed by him, but if you think they really will be disturbed, it might be polite to go and tell them that your son will be at home from school and playing outside between the hours of . Don't ask for permission, just tell them. And if they are rude grit your teeth and politely blank them. Flowers

Neron · 22/03/2020 11:18

What does them being white and elderly have to do with it? Like they are the only ones who will hate your son? Confused

Pinkflipflop85 · 22/03/2020 11:20

I think the op meant 'quite' elderly.

At least I hope she did....

Puddlelane123 · 22/03/2020 11:21

I assume the OP meant ‘quite elderly’ and the ‘white’ was a typo

roundtable · 22/03/2020 11:21

White is an auto correct for quite....

roundtable · 22/03/2020 11:21

Cross post Blush

Passthebubbly · 22/03/2020 11:27

Kids in my 2 neighbouring gardens are severely autistic. Would break my heart if I thought their mums were worried about what I was thinking. I think nothing but I wish I could help when the meltdowns happen. Does not bother me in the slightest.

Sassanacs · 22/03/2020 11:27

I have a 9 year old with adhd and a 2 yr old - both are rowdy little buggers and they will be going in the garden as will my DH and I.

I feel so grateful to not be in a flat in London anymore so we'll all be taking full advantage when the suns out.

It would be cruel to keep kids cooped up when you don't have to

GA2012 · 22/03/2020 11:31

I meant quite elderly not white** Typo! Sorry!

OP posts:
GA2012 · 22/03/2020 11:34

Thank you. There is a lady who lives on her own. I don’t feel she likes to be disturbed as she’s never looked approachable. There’s a buy behind us that apparently is a miserable sod. He’s complained about all sorts of things. The lady next to him is a childminder and he complains about the small children all the time. Not sure he can hear mine amongst a few others locally. I do get paranoid but I guess we all have to muddle through this. We’ve just been for a walk locally - we are semi rural and didn’t come across a single person so will try and do the same most days!

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/03/2020 11:35

We have a neighbour with an autistic son who is very aggressive - lots of violent outbursts in the garden and the street. Everyone who lives here has the utmost sympathy for his parents and do what they can to help. try not to worry OP

EmeraldShamrock · 22/03/2020 11:35

Don't worry about it, we are all part of the world most people are considerate.
Enjoy your garden like any other family. ❤

Inappropriatefemale · 22/03/2020 11:43

Maybe have a word with your neighbours and explain to them about your son being loud and that he can’t help it, not because you should but because it will your mind at rest? Some people are absolutely clueless about Autism and what it exactly means.

If I were you then I would just go to their door and kindly explain and then you should have some peace, well inner peace anyway!Grin

ThePlantsitter · 22/03/2020 11:46

Your son has every right to use his garden. My mum told me in the very early days of having kids, never apologise for your children's existence. People will take it and run with it.

AlwaysCheddar · 22/03/2020 11:47

Just put a note through the door or knock (and stand back) and explain, and ask if he needs any shopping too. Give him your mobile in case he is ill and can't deal with noise.

junecat · 22/03/2020 11:55

Let him play in the garden. There will be so much more children noise everywhere during the day with the school's shut xx

BuzzingtheBee · 22/03/2020 11:58

They just have to suck it up. I feel like a lot of people hate us because of my autistic child...

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/03/2020 12:00

Definitely do a little note.

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