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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's day

25 replies

SixyearoldSicknote · 21/03/2020 20:43

Whilst I appreciate in this current climate this is truly a first world problem, I am pissed off with DH.

DS2 has made a card at school but DS1 (age 8) hasn’t had the opportunity. We have unfortunately started self isolating today due to DC2 having a cough.

My problem is DS1 will be absolutely gutted tomorrow that he has nothing to give and DS1 has. There is a huge bucket of craft stuff with blank cards but DH has clearly not bothered to help him along the way. I have now had to look out a blank card and pencil case for him to do one in the morning. DH says “well, I planned on doing stuff today but we ended up watching a film instead”.

AIBU to think he has had an entire one year notice and could have sorted something out but clearly couldn’t be bothered.

Just to clarify, I am not expecting extravagant gifts. Just a home made card from both children.

I would be less pissed off with no cards at all because at least a small, 8 year old old boy wouldn’t be left feeling bad.

OP posts:
SidsWife · 21/03/2020 20:45

My 5 year old has made me a card by herself so I don’t see why an 8 year old couldn’t have done the same.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the middle of a pandemic?

BillywilliamV · 21/03/2020 20:46

Give him a bit of paper and a pen, get him to do you another one. He doesn't need to feel bad.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/03/2020 20:52

Why does an eight year old require assistance to make a card.
Why didn’t you say loudly today- ooh Mother’s Day tomorrow I’m really looking forward to my cards. Thus giving him the opportunity to think. Oh I didn’t make one, let’s go draw a picture

Dishwashersaurous · 21/03/2020 20:53

And actually on the plus side you have half an hour extra in bed while he makes one in the morning

sunshineandshowers21 · 21/03/2020 20:57

honestly, at this moment in time a mother’s day card is the last thing on my mind. there are far more important things going on to be upset over a piece of folded paper. we normally make a big fuss on mother’s day but this year we’re not bothering. why couldn’t your 8 year old make you a card by himself though? my 6 year old doesn’t require help with crafting, he just gets his stuff out, sits at the table and gets on with it.

DobbyLovesSocks · 21/03/2020 20:57

I've had to cancel seeing my chronically asthmatic mother tomorrow cos I'm a NHS worker and terrified I'll pass something on to her inadvertently. Fortunately we can still skype/text/call

It's shit isn't it

Original poster
SixyearoldSicknote · 21/03/2020 20:58

You are all right, and I’m not disagreeing.

I’m just pissed off it is always ME that has to say it. On Father’s Day I always make an effort to ensure he feels appreciated. It would just be nice if the gesture was reciprocated.

OP posts:
JRUIN · 21/03/2020 21:16

By 8yrs of age my children were making me cards (and sometimes things like jewellery cases made out of toilet roll tubes if I was unlucky haha) off their own backs. Why do you think your DS hasn't bothered?

TheFairyCaravan · 21/03/2020 21:20

In the kindest possible way get a grip. Most of us won't see our mothers tomorrow and a lot of us won't see our children. My DC are on duty in the army and in A&E, we'll do something as and when we can. We won't see MIL or my mum. At times like this, who really cares?

sunshineandshowers21 · 21/03/2020 21:24

i feel bad now, so i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to
sound like i was being harsh. i can see where you’re coming from and if my kid hadn’t made his dad a father’s day card then i’d definitely tell him to make one if i hadn’t had a chance to buy one. i hope you have a lovely mother’s day anyway, and hopefully your husband will make it up to you when everything is back to normal.

JoshArcherStoleMyTractor · 21/03/2020 21:24

My 5 year old niece made my SIL a card from her craft box, she can barely write and it's not a surprise because she said mummy I'm making you a card for mother's Day. I'm not sure why an eight year old couldn't. There are bigger things to think about.

1Morewineplease · 21/03/2020 21:27

It’s not your husband’s problem.
Being prompted to quickly scribble a card is meaningless. Your children will remember , eventually.

pictish · 21/03/2020 21:31

Why does Mother’s Day always become a silent test for the husbands?

Rosebel · 21/03/2020 21:34

Perhaps her 8 year old didn't think of it. Why didn't her husband think of it? And it wasn't because OP wants a card it was because her son would be upset. Of course there are bigger things but it doesn't take a lot to help a child make a card.

PennyGold · 21/03/2020 21:35

I'm going against the grain here!
I think your husband should have made sure that your kids had got/ made you a card!
I know it's a horrendous time and many people are lucky if they see their kids, but your 'DH' has been home all day and not made an effort.
It's one day per year that a mum gets a card from her kids, it would have taken him thirty seconds to sort something (even just a card).
YANBU.

CalleighDoodle · 21/03/2020 21:39

Why does Mother’s Day always become a silent test for the husbands?

How is it a silent test? The clue is in the name. It isnt hidden. Im sure everyone knows it is a day to make mother’s feel special.

Also, wtf is wrong with people hunting out threads that are about anything other than the corona virus, just to tell people they shouldnt be worried or annoyed about anything other than corona virus, just so they can feel superior.

Cohle · 21/03/2020 22:25

I'd be pissed off OP. Your expectations are eminently achievable, even in the current climate. It's perfectly obvious that kids of a certain age will need a little chivvying from the other parent and it's shitty of your DH not to bother.

venusandmars · 21/03/2020 22:50

OP, I think you have done the best thing a mother could do.. Thinking of how your ds will feel. Flowers for you and Brew in the morning

Saturdaycartoon · 21/03/2020 22:55

OP
YANBU!
Good that you noticed so your son won't feel bad. Your DH is thoughtless.

I reminded DH earlier by asking had he posted a card to his mother. No.

Of course I hadn't either - working 15 hour days at present due to you know what - but it served its purpose and there was lots of whispering and glitter being spilled this evening. Grin

Original poster
SixyearoldSicknote · 22/03/2020 13:40

Hi all and Happy Mother’s Day.

Just thought I’d pop in with an update.

Again you are all right, my 8 year old is more than capable of making a card independently. It was more the fact he hadn’t been reminded when the date was and would have been upset that the younger child had something but he didn’t. (Our 6 year old made his as part of a lesson at school so was prompted by the teacher.)

I know there are much bigger things going on in the world but they weren’t on his mind yesterday when he was gaming and watching films with the kids.

It definitely hasn’t been a silent test for my husband as I bought a card for him to write & give to his step-mother and had discussed earlier in the week him taking flowers to his Mother.

So moving on to today.......

There was lots of shuffling about at 6.30am. DS1 put his name in DS2’s card and they then used the craft stuff that I’d laid out to make a card from the dog.

They then very proudly made me tea & toast in bed. The tea was perfect, the marmite on the toast was laid on with a trowel Grin however I ate every crumb and told them it was perfect and how much I loved them. We’ve been on a bike ride and am now about to start the Sunday roast.
So all is well and hopefully some of you think I’m a little less of an ogre than you thought yesterday.
I hope you all have a smashing day. X

OP posts:
insideoutsider · 22/03/2020 15:16

Another one to say not to be upset with your DH - it isn't his responsibility.

I'm a single parent and mine have been 'browsing and getting lost' in supermarkets for weeks. I got a candle (Aldi), dairy milk chocolate (Asda), a mug (poundland) a very weird smelling body mist (bodycare), a scrunchie (primark) and a card (from heaven's knows where) all in a gift bag. They had got it all by the end of Feb with their pocket money. They themselves said proudly, 'it takes planning mom'.
When they were much younger, they were drawing mother's day pictures and hiding them.

Kids can get themselves together to make something for their mom. Let them know they should have tried. DH shouldn't need to remind them.

Original poster
SixyearoldSicknote · 22/03/2020 15:47

Hi insideoutsider I am certainly not upset or angry- we have cracked on with it.

If you don’t mind me asking, how does your 8yr old know it is Mother’s Day?

Neither of mine have any kind of calendar / phone & I grocery shop online so no signs to see in Tesco etc. What am I doing wrong? I kind of assumed as parents it was our job to encourage our kids to appreciate each other as parents. I know (& am grateful) we are in different situations but what would you do differently? X

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 22/03/2020 17:53

We have a big wall calendar with a line for each family member. Important days, birthday etc have a star on them so when turn to a new month on the first everyone can see the stars and talk about it.

Eg this month saw a star discussed Mother’s Day- kids started discussing what cards to make

Next month will be Easter and we’ll talk about an egg hunt etc

Original poster
SixyearoldSicknote · 22/03/2020 18:15

That’s a great idea Dishwashasaurus.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 22/03/2020 18:42

That’s a great idea Dishwashasaurus

Im not sure the answer to a man being a shit partner is the woman should get more organised...

Although if it is the male partner who initiates the conversation and fills in the calendar, or does it EQUALLY, then that I can get behind.

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