to think DC's 'father' is a selfish arse

[nicknackpaddy]

He lives about 15 minutes away and is now WFH until further notice. I am a key worker to two teenagers, one of whom is vulnerable (SEN so can't be home alone).

Their 'father' has said he won't see them whilst all this is going on and will not provide me with "free child care". I have told him that if he's going to refuse to step up to the plate now of all times then why should I cooperate with his demands for contact when it's all over.

His view is that if he doesn't see them then he won't end up in a situation where he has to self isolate and so that's better for him. He is single with a on-off girlfriend (former OW) and no other children.

It's a familiar story unfortunately one woman had her arse handed to her on facebook because she told her ex she was having to cut her hours and could he consider getting the children done food if she was struggling he told her to sign on basically loads of people defended HIM saying he might be struggling himself (his work isnt effected plus he doesn't need to sort childcare for the kids) she gets child benefit therefore she is better off than him she should eat less doesnt she have a boyfriend who can bail her out it was disgusting and I left the group

Third group this week I've left

no, it's mainstream with less than 500 pupils.

So the child can go to school but because of your fears you dont want him to go but you expect the ex to look after them during this time?

Just send him in and then there isn't an issue really

So the child can go to school but because of your fears you dont want him to go but you expect the ex to look after them during this time?

FFS, are you the ex? I expect the ex to see his children and not refuse because he can't be arsed of what is happening at the moment. If the regular contact arrangements coincides with my work then all well and good, which it will sometimes.

They are his children too and he is more than capable of looking after them and he has equal responsibility for them.

It's also not because of my fears but because of his SEN which, as I have explained, will mean he is highly unlikely to cope with the school environment with the changes that it being childcare and not education will mean. It won't be like he is expecting and that will not be fair on him, on the staff or on the other children.

Why are you defending his waste of space father?

Free childcare?! He's their fucking father!

I hope he shits hedgehogs, runs out of toilet roll and smells of his shittiness for three months.

PPs saying school would be ok presumably haven't had to deal with your DS's individual issues. My DS is autistic and I had already started homeschooling him before schools closed this week because his anxiety was so high.
What works for one child won't be the answer for another, and this is writ large for children with SEN.
Just in case any of the PP had made you doubt yourself - you know best what your DS will tolerate.
And of course YANBU, apart from your shocking failure to kick your ex very hard in the balls.

YANBU and my DS specialist school isn't providing full time school which is really hard for him.
I can't imagine doing this without my DH at home too.

I'm in a similar position, my ex moved an hour away last week with his new girlfriend of 2 months and her DC's. I asked him if he any idea when he would be starting to pay any money for our 2 DC's as I was struggling, his reply was..'we all are struggling' I said 'who's we?' And he said 'the UK'
He's not working at the moment and asked me that his girlfriend will give me petrol money if I cam drop the kids off to their house for a week.
I've said now as, we need to be isolating, he has asthma and 2. I'm not accepting money of a woman who has 4 children to feed and now him.

He thinks I'm being a twat, because he wouldn't stop going on so i ended the call with, well you're the one who decided to move so deal with it.

This is the same ex that when I said you're not gonna be able to help with any school runs now you're moving and his reply was 'well my dad didn't take me to school'

Yanbu - within hours of the schools closing, the Dad(s) of my two children both messaged me with reasons they couldn’t have their kids - fucking idiots! Not surprised though!

OP, a good friend of mine was telling me a work tale recently that she heard of from a senior colleague......

She is HR director of a very large American company, I wont be more specific...she told me how all Heads of Departments had been sent a letter outlining the appalling behaviour of an employee towards his wife and his children.

It named him, and was specific. Years of mental and financial abuse....awful.

The wife did not send it...possibly one of her family members.

My pal said that he had separated from his wife and was supposedly a real charmer......

The veracity of the letter was not established.......BUT to say his reputation has been absolutely decimated in the large office is putting it mildly.

Unbelievable damage...and gossip....

I immediately thought of MN when i heard of this story...there are so many women here who could use such action to shame and soften the cough of their partners, who are so very different at home.....

YANBU he’s a selfish cunt.

@billy1966

Totally short sighted.

1. If children involved - like adding rocket fuel to an already broken relationship.

1. If the woman went to divorce, her settlement would likely have been impacted because he would argue his job prospects had been seriously impacted.

1. You say the wife didn’t send it. If they were still together, this family member put the wife in very real danger of the abuse escalating.

@Bringring

You may be correct....I only heard a brief outline in the course of a catch up.

I suppose what struck me is how awful some men are yet can indeed be 'hail fellow well met'...to those in other areas of their lives.

It does strike me as an act of both anger and desperation.......but who knows.