Division of childcare between parents - social distancing

[Thereflex9]

If the other parent of your child didn't have to WFH during this time, but their work has closed (so they're effectively just at home with nothing to do) yet you had to still WFH 9-5 weekdays, would you expect the other parent to care for your child/ren (for sake of the argument-other parent has no underlying health conditions and none of you are mixing with other people so infection isn't a factor in the scenario) so that you could actually get work done?

AIBU- usual (ie. Currently non-working parent cares for child/ren during weekend only) schedule of care should continue regardless of who needs to work

YANBU- currently non-WFH parent should be caring for the child during the working day

Apologies if this isn't worded very coherently have tried to make this as general as possible

Yes I would expect the non working parent to do the majority of the childcare at least (might expect some interruptions though- depending on age/personality of children etc). I'm going to be working so plan is for dad to do most of the childcare

YANBU
Obviously the parent who doesn't have to work should look after the children
It's a no brainer
I imagine you're only asking because you're the one who has to WFH and your selfish lazy misogynist husband is refusing to look after the kids even though he has no work to do?!
I'd love to be wrong but I doubt it

Yes. I've been looking after the kids and keeping them out of DH's way as much as possible.

On the day I had to do some work (for voluntary organisation I help run) he did the same

So, Parent Lazy thinks they can sit on Facebook all day, while parent Saint does an 8 hr work day and fits in several hours of supporting school work??!! I'm guessing cooking and cleaning will also fall to this parent.

DH is wfh. I'm not working. The only time I'm planning on leaving DH solely responsible for the kids is me to go food shopping once a week once we get out of 2 weeks quarantine. If ges not working (evenings, weekends) we will split it, otherwise the kids are my responsibility.

The worker works, the non-worker does childcare. Anything else is stupid and selfish.

Normal division during non-working time because being cooped up is pretty intense and exhausting so everyone will need a chance for "peace" to recharge. I'd be happy with 30 minutes these days!

People need to step up. I have a fun conversation with a work colleague about this who claimed her husband, can’t care for their child “as he doesn’t normally” . Mind blown. Rod made for own back!

I'm amazed this is even a question. The worker hides in a room to work, the non-worker has the dc. Outside work hours it is spilt.

Yes. We are in the fortunate position that DH is currently on leave between jobs. His new job starts on 20th April so between now and then he will do the majority of the childcare (2 kids aged 6 and 3) while I go to work 3 half days (working on a rota so that there are only 2 people in the large office at any one time) and then work from home on 1 day.

When DH starts his new job he has already been told that he will be WFH the vast majority of the time so we have agreed between us, and my work and his, that we will each work 2 days a week from home (I don’t work on Fridays anyway) and if we are both at home at the same time and expected to be working we will operate in shifts 2 hours work, 2 hours with the kids, etc.

I read a very interesting article recently that talked about epidemics like this having a knock on effect on feminism with the majority of caring work falling to the women, who ultimately suffer financially or career wise, and also health-wise with things like maternity services being adversely affected when strain is out on the healthcare system.

Are the parents of child together in a relationship and living together? This does make a difference to the dynamics of it and how far apart parents live. For example if a mother who has to work from home thinks because her ex is off work that it is reasonable to ship the kids off there for the foreseeable then that is a bit different. It also depends how the estranged relationship is. If the mother has made issues about the Dad having kids in the past then perhaps, but only perhaps he has a point? Would need to know more.

But generally no I'd expect parent who is not working to look after the children

Are the parents living together? If so then YANBU, the parent not working should be caring for the children. If not, then it depends really. My ex is self employed and has very little work on at the moment so theoretically he could look after DD but he lives an hour away so she’d have to go and live with him which I don’t want to do

DH works from home, I have a very part time flexible job, most of which I can’t do right now as it involves going to speak to people directly. Only thing I’ll still be doing is meetings online very occasionally.

DH and I have been discussing how we are going to manage without nursery for months on end however - our twins both of disabilities and require a lot of care and I have crappy health myself, and without any respite there’s a good chance I’ll be completely useless to everyone within a fortnight. It’s going to involve us both doing stints on our own so the other gets to work / rest, and then weekends together as much as possible.

I don’t think it’s always as clear cut as the responses here, especially in such an unusual situation but certainly the person not working should be taking on as much as possible so the other can work.

Whoever doesn’t have the most pressing need to work for economic survival or because they provide a frontline service should be doing the bulk of the childcare.

Dh and I both work full time. I’m employed and by an employer who is perfectly capable of and committed to paying me my full salary regardless. I can easily work from home and do 1-2 days a week anyway, but I can’t really do much with dc around (who are 7 & 2).

Dh is self employed and right now needs to work a lot to keep our business running and bringing in income. I’ve just taken 2-3 weeks of leave from work so dh can focus fully on the business. I get paid anyway, but dh doesn’t if he doesn’t work. Eventually it will even out as he has less work coming in and I’ll pick up again.

Yep, no brainer, the one who's not working looks after the children. IMO it doesn't make a difference whether living together or not - my SIL is a NHS worker and her ex-husband understands he has to step up with the childcare because she is badly needed.

Now I know I'm not being irrational as I feel I've been made to feel, some context:
We are split and have 50/50 custody, we don't live together but live 4 min drive away from one another. We get on very well, which usually is a good thing but I think he feels he can take liberties such as this as we don't usually argue over things. I've always sorted childcare out, so he feels I should be the one to have DD during the week now even though I've got to work. He is expecting to just be seeing DD and having her as normal, Friday night to Monday morning; obviously when I've not got to work!

Interestingly, friend who is in the same situation but is still with her DH and they live together, and he was under the same impression that it was a jolly ol' holiday whilst she had to WFH. She has managed to set him straight however.

Op that’s your ex taking the easy way out. Think this will be a hard time for lots of women who will be expected to take the burden of childcare and also work from home too.