DD mental health

[TwoleftUggs]

She’s almost 15 and in year 10. Is a bit of a worrier anyway and has had this virus on her mind since back in January. So as of this week she has just spiralled into despair. To her, life is over - no school, no outings, no socialising, sleepovers etc etc. Shes worried for her grandparents, She’s also worrying already about the knock on for her GCSEs next year, before this years have even been properly sorted!
All her feelings are valid and real to her, even if others think they are superficial, and I haven’t tried to minimise them but I’m really worried about her state of mind and not sure how to help. She’s usually perfectly made up, lovely hair, clean clothes etc, and I don’t think she’s even had a shower since Tuesday when she found out her school was closing.
I know we’re all in the same boat but her friends don’t seem to be struggling to this extent. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to keep her spirits up whilst not rubbishing her feelings?

I don't know if this will help as I'm in a completely different situation to your daughter (twenties, able to work from home) but I'm doing the following things to remain positive. I'm in day 5 of official entire country lockdown and my routine is 100% working, I still have the odd wobble but overall I'm absolutely fine and actually enjoying the lockdown.

• I'm avoiding all mainstream news as much as I can. I am still getting all of the vital information, but am scrolling past as soon as I see any "doom".
• I'm exercising every day. I've always done this but I'm really taking the time and effort now. I use Youtube workout videos and I usually choose 2-3 10 minute ones and any time I'm feeling a bit down, I do another one.
• (This one may be silly to older people but your daughter may find it helpful) I downloaded Tik Tok and honestly, it's bringing me such joy and has probably been the biggest help. There are millions of people on there dancing, singing, making funny videos and there's a lot of light-hearted stuff about the virus as well so it's making it all seem a bit easier to cope with.
• The usual drink lots of water and eat healthily but I'm also having the odd pizza and chocolate night.
• I've got music on literally 24/7. No depressing music, only upbeat fun music, oldies, pop, rock, anything. It's helping a lot.
• Podcasts - there are plenty of ridiculously funny ones out there, I can recommend Shagged Married Annoyed and Private Parts. Basically I'm listening to them whenever there is "silence" (like when I'm brushing my teeth).

I think the overall aim for me is to remain distracted and busy, to really take time for things I don't usually have time for (I'm now having actual proper showers instead of quick 5 minute ones before work) and I can honestly say that it's doing me a world of good. There is nothing that I can do about the virus other than staying home (I haven't set foot outdoors since Monday) so there is no need at all for me to focus on it and my time is better spent laughing at dumb videos, getting work done, speaking to friends I usually only send a rushed message to etc. I hope this helps even a little bit and I'm always happy to have an e-mail pen pal if she's looking for a distraction. Good luck! x

Blackbirds advice is similar to what I was going to say. Avoid the news, find things to laugh at, things to take her (and your) mind off it and things to do.

Also, do you have a bath? I get depressed sometimes and showering usually drops off my radar but I think if someone made me a bath - and not in a "you need a wash" way but in a "I've made you a lovely bath" way - then I'd be touched by the thought and I'd go and have a bath.

You've don't the right thing by not minimising her feelings, her feelings are completely valid and so are her concerns. Yes, people are worried about bigger things than GCSE's and socialising (jobs/housing/dying/etc), but her concerns are related to her world - and not as self-absorbed as some teens.

Having control and choices stripped away may be at the heart of her spiral, so you could try refocusing her onto things she can control. Personal hygiene, for example, is even more important now than ever, not just because of the risk from COVID 19 but because the NHS is overloaded.
Can she contact her friends by skype/SM/etc? Have a cyber coffee meet up via video chat for example?
For GCSE's is there work she can be doing/study guides she can use/revision materials? That way whatever happens next year, she's set herself up for success to the best of her ability (and that's all anyone can ask of her).

The situation sucks and people will cope/not cope to different degrees and in different ways, I've seen on MN how for some people it's the (comparatively) small things which have caused the biggest jolt...or which have become the focal point of disappointment because the rest of the picture is so scary!

@FishingPaws @Blackbird1234 @HarrietThePi , thank you all for taking the time to rely and for your very good suggestions and advice.
I tried unsuccessfully to get her out for a walk today. As it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow I think I might demand a nice outdoor walk as my treat.
DS will also be home from Monday so hopefully we will all do the 9am joe wicks workout together. I think exercise will be more important than ever now, for mental as well as physical health.
Whoever mentioned tiktok yes she’s a great fan, but even that hasn’t appealed, you definitely know there’s something up if she’s not making or watching tiktoks
Thanks for some great ideas.

Just something to add as I remember being that age, I wouldn't have liked to be forced into anything, so see if you can make her surroundings a lot more peaceful and positive without actually bringing any attention to it.

So for example, instead of suggesting that she put on her favourite music, just get into the habit of having a "feel good" Spotify playlist (for example) on all day every day / don't suggest to her to light candles and have a pamper night, but light candles yourself in the lounge and have a pamper night yourself and she may join etc. Essentially, everything that you'd like her to be doing to feel better right now, just simply do for yourself whilst she's around and she may well join in without feeling any pressure to have to do it herself. And you could always download tik too yourself, get obsessed and eventually, she'll miss watching all the stupid videos on there!