Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL feeding baby

20 replies

cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 21:30

I know some of you have been missing a mother-in-law thread so please tell me your experiences and advice if you have any.

I'm staying with inlaws just now and I feel like mother-in-law is feeding my seven month old baby too much. It's always fresh fruit and vegetables, nothing that I don't approve of. I have been breast feeding her and maybe I'm just not ready to stand back yet. The baby enjoys eating different things but MIL can be a little forceful, giving her more before her mouth is empty or continue to give her more when she's starting to loose interest. Nothing bad at all, just not my BLW type plan.
My strategy from today has been to make sure I get in with breast feeding before she has other food but she seems to be drinking less partly because she's distracted by other things going on and probably also because she's less hungry. Tomorrow I'll make more of a point of feeding her in a quieter place and with more of a schedule.

Potentially I have cabin fever setting in and I'm not used to having help with the baby so I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. Has anyone else been in this situation with MIL? I don't want to tell her not to feed the baby or make her feel like I don't appreciate the help.
Am I being unreasonable to feel that MIL is feeding my daughter too much and if so what are subtle suggestions that won't rock the quarentined together boat and give me a little more control... Or am I being precious and should relax and let her feed her granddaughter.

Please don't answer if you are just going to tell me I need to grow up and speak to her! That's not what I'm looking for.

OP posts:
Dita73 · 20/03/2020 21:33

When your mother in law goes to feed her,why don’t you just say that you want her to have milk first and then she can give her solid food?

NoKnit · 20/03/2020 21:35

You are not being precious, just speak to your MIL

However have you watched the news? Social contact, especially with grandparents should be stopped to prevent virus spreading?! So this isn't an issue now anyway as you need to keep yourself and your baby at home

RainbowsandSnowdrops · 20/03/2020 21:35

You could just write up a meal plan, say you were bored and did some research online about BLW.

You could add her for some ideas to add to it so she feels included.

Or just do what we did and just share your food with her. So she will literally only eat when/what you eat (obviously adapt as necessary) . You can sit next to her and pass things over so you have control. Just make sure you say ‘right this is what we’re doing now’. So she knows not to feed her.

My MIL scowled at us doing BLW, but I just ignored her and said this is how things are done now (and sometimes had to add the odd comment about what a fussy eater DH is..!)

Incrediblytired · 20/03/2020 21:39

I think this is fair enough as it will affect your milk supply. I did similar and talked to my MIL who totally understood - she didn’t bf so she didn’t really get the consequences of her actions, she was just enjoying feeding a baby!

Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 21:39

We live in a different country usually and I have just arrived here a week ago so actually I have quarentine notice to stay here for two weeks and probably won't be able to leave either because we are on an island.

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 21:43

This sounds like a nice approach. I will start to talk about that tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 21:46

Incrediblytired yes milk supply was one of my worries too. I know I won't be here for ever, maybe a month and I definitely don't want to loose it. Its not so easy to pump here either.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 20/03/2020 21:49

Milk is her food til she's one, solid food should be just introducing tastes.
Do blw and put a selection out so baby can be independent and not over fed

Sexnotgender · 20/03/2020 21:50

Weaning advice is always offer milk first. Tell her that you’ll be doing that.

Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 21:57

My own mother was sceptical but just left me to it. MIL is from Southern Europe and a bit more of a feeder in general! I am trying to find a compromise and still let her feed the baby because I can see she enjoys it

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 22:04

Sexnotgender thanks, I will definitely do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 20/03/2020 22:05

Thank you everyone, I am feeling more confident and already getting better ideas how to handle it without causing offence. So far: make sure to bf the baby first, have some discussion about BLW (she has seen me doing this but I think she thinks it's just for play) and after these let granny have some feeding time Smile.

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 21/03/2020 07:31

I got up this morning and the consensus is that I am being unreasonable, I don't disagree that's why I posted here. But can someone who thinks I'm unreasonable tell me which part is unreasonable or what they think I should do to make myself feel OK. I don't want to upset mil and I will be staying in their home for the next few weeks at least so I am looking for ideas to help me resolve the issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 21/03/2020 07:33

This morning has been fine so far. I bf the baby and let her feed her a little before I took her back for a bit to break the feeding

OP posts:
anniefrangipani · 21/03/2020 07:35

I found the phrase "put the food in her hand, not in her mouth" absolutely invaluable for reminding people who were enthused about "helping" to feed the baby.

Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 21/03/2020 08:11

posteranniefrangipani I like that one, I'll definitely add that to my defence plan!

OP posts:
OrangeSlices998 · 21/03/2020 08:13

She is your baby! I know you said you don’t want to hear ‘talk to her’ but that is what you need to do, your daughter is not a toy to be stuffed with food for someone else’s joy. If you want BLW then do that, and stop letting your MIL treat your daughter like a doll! Be firm.

Oldraver · 21/03/2020 08:25

I agree with PP about encouraging baby to feed themself rather than MIL stuffing food in her

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 21/03/2020 08:53

I agree with you

I did blw and wanted to leaving ds to it but over time my dh got impatient and was shoving big spoon fulls into ds mouth. He thought it was the quickest way
My feeling was we were not just feeding him 1 meal, but teaching him how to eat

Anyway, I now have a 5 year old who fills his mouth to bursting. Drives me nuts and I have to remind him at every meal.

Your dd is learning now to listen to the stretch receptors in her stomach that signal to her brain that she has had enough. Learning to ignore them now means a lifetime of eating past the point that you have enough

But hard times to be with in laws so tread carefully 😁

Original poster
cockcrowfarm · 21/03/2020 09:19

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner Thanks for sharing your experience, I definitely need to nip it in the bud but as you say at this time quarantined together is a sensitive time for all! So far today is still going well with a few nudges from me towards what I want. I don't want to take everything away from her ... rather just limit it and not encourage her to get used to stuffing her self.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page